


Holding On and Letting Go

by Kennedy97



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:28:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8665915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kennedy97/pseuds/Kennedy97
Summary: "This isn't how Tyler imagined his first official fight in the NHL would go. He knew it would hurt, obviously. But the kind of pain he's going through right now is way beyond physical. This fight is something that he never thought would happen. It seems like the universe just loves to surprise him."Or Tyler leaves the Stars in free agency. Jamie doesn't take it well. Five years later, they reunite and realize some things are impossible to let go off.





	1. It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't

**Author's Note:**

> I've read pretty much every fanfic in the bennguin tag and I guess it was time for me to contribute.  
> The fic takes place two years from now, in 2018. For the sake of the story, please ignore Tyler's real contract (I decided to make it end a year earlier). In this timeline, the Stars won the cup in 2017, meaning this season, and I know that doesnt look very likely right now but I still have hope lol.  
> Spoilery Warning: Tyler and Jamie will physically fight each other in this story. It happens on chapter three.  
> On Katie Hoaldridge: I love Katie to death and I didn't want to use her as a character but it felt weird naming her something else. Her character is not demonized at all so don't worry about me trying to make you hate her. But if it still bothers you, just pretend it's some other girl named Katie.

###  _December 201_ 8

This isn't how Tyler imagined his first official fight in the NHL would go. He knew it would hurt, obviously. But the kind of pain he's going through right now is way beyond physical. He knows the throbbing pain above his left eye will get fixed with stitches and some pain killers. For the other sort of pain however… well, there's no way alleviating it that doesn't involve massive amounts of alcohol. This fight is something that he never thought would happen. Not in a million years or in some kind of alternate universe. And yet, here he is, blood running down the left side of his face, probably about to lose a couple teeth, an ominous number 14 sitting on his opponent's helmet. It seems like the universe just loves to surprise him.

 

* * *

_ July 2018 _

Some phone calls are simply life changing, Jamie thinks. He can single out three calls in particular that changed things for him. The first one came in 2007 when the Stars called to tell him they’d draft him. Another one came in 2014, when Hockey Canada called to tell him he’d made the Olympic team.

Right now though, after receiving the one that will probably go down as his fourth life changing call, Jamie keeps thinking back to summer of 2013, July 4th in particular, and the call he got from the Jim Nill that day. Back then, he didn't know it was life changing. Sure, trades are always tough and losing 4 players was definitely surprising. It wasn't that he didn't think getting Tyler Seguin wasn't going to change things, team wise. But he had no inkling or way of knowing the huge impact Tyler would truly have on his life. He didn't know how it would affect his personality, the way he carried himself, his life in general. He didn't know how happy it would make him in the long-run. Or what he thought was the long-run but is seemingly over.

The fourth life changing phone-call comes in the middle of the day, right before lunch. Katie had made pasta and Greek salad and they were just about to sit down to eat when his phone rang. Jamie wouldn't have normally picked up but Nill rarely called him unless it was important. He guessed he’d made the right choice when he heard the GM almost panting on the other side of the phone.

“I need you to talk to Seguin,” Jim said, without even greeting him,

“What? Why?” Jamie asked in confusion. Nill was clearly agitated.

“Just talk to him, Benn. As soon as humanly possible.”

“Tyler and I aren't really on talking terms right now, Jim.”

“Seriously? Well, that explains a lot. Whatever you did to him, apologize. Right now.”

“What I did to him? He’s the one who needs to apologize to me, Jim.” Jamie snapped back. Katie looked up and mouthed something along the lines of ‘You tell him, babe!’

“This isn't the time to be proud, Jamie!” Nill raised his voice, and sounded oddly… desperate, “What did he do? Sleep with your sister? Kill your goldfish? What was it? Is it really that unforgivable?”

“He missed my wedding.” Jamie answered with a sigh.

“He missed your- gosh! Give me a break, Benn! Lots of people missed your wedding, it's not a big deal!”

“He RSVP-ed!! He was practically the best man! He was supposed to give a speech and everything!” Katie looked less pleased at that statement given that she never quite approved of Tyler’s role at the wedding, “He didn't show up at the last minute and offered no explanation whatsoever. We had an empty seat at a table because of him.”

“Listen, Jamie.” Jim said, less agitated but more commanding, “I understand that it was important to you that he was there, I do. But right now, you need to be a captain and do what’s best for the entire team. There's a lot at stake here.”

“What the hell is going on, Jim? Why is it so important that I talk to Tyler?”

“Seguin’s contract negotiations aren't…going as planned.”

“They're stalled? That's not so terrible, happens all the time. Doesn't mean he's not signing.”

“Do you think I don't know that, Benn? I'm not a rookie GM, I’ve negotiated contracts before!” Nill raised his voice again.

“Jim, calm down. I didn't mean to offend you or anything I just-”

“I know I shouldn't yell, I'm sorry. I'm just very stressed right now.” Nill said sighing, “Negotiations are not stalled, Jamie. They haven’t even started.”

“Why not? What happened?”

“Seguin refuses to, says he doesn't want to sign with us. Wants to try out free agency.”

“He wants to do what now?!” Jamie had raised his voice in surprise and startled Katie, who took her plate and went to eat somewhere else.

“You heard me. I was a shocked as you are. His agent even told us to stop calling him, said Tyler had made up his mind about leaving.”

“He can't leave! He said Dallas was- He said we were- We just- I can't-” Jamie was unable to string a sentence together. This was not a good surprise like with the Olympics or the draft. It wasn't even one he was unsure of, like the trade in 2013. This was plain terrible. Sure, he’d been mad at Tyler over the wedding but for heaven's sake, he absolutely did not want him to leave.

“I know this is very important to you, that's why I called.”

“I- yeah, thanks for telling me, Jim. I'm on my way to talk to him.” Jamie replied after finally regaining his ability to speak properly. Nill thanked him and hanged up.

“Where are you going?” Katie asked as he grabbed his keys.

“I need to go talk to Tyler, it's important,” he answered.

“Can't it wait? You haven't even eaten yet,” She looked at him concerned.

“I’ll eat later. I need to fix this now.” Jamie gave her a quick peck on the lips and walked out before she could ask more questions.

The drive to Tyler’s house is long. It seems longer today in particular because of the urgency of the situation. It’s a 15 minute drive which might not be considered long by most people. But Tyler's house used to be only a few blocks away from his and before that, there were only a couple floors separating their apartments. He still doesn't know why Tyler moved this time. The first move, when he moved out of their building, he said it was because he wanted to get another dog and he needed more space. He kept nagging Jamie until he convinced him to also move out and buy a house in the same neighborhood. After the second move, no nagging came. In fact, Tyler didn't even tell Jamie about it until after he had already moved. He offered no explanation and Jamie didn't want to pester him for one.

He wonders how they got to this point. They used to talk to each other about things. He used to know Tyler like the back of his hand and now he's a mystery to him. Why would Tyler want to leave Dallas? It makes no sense. The season hadn't been stellar but they still went to the playoffs. Not to mention the fact they won the Stanley cup last season. Jamie remembers it clear as day. He handed the cup to Tyler first and was blinded by his smile. Tyler couldn't stop smiling that whole night and Jamie was so glad that the same guy who’d been so sad after the trade, was now a beacon of joy.

“We did it, Benny! We proved them wrong!” Tyler had yelled in his ear when they hugged.

That was probably the best night of Jamie's life. Better than his wedding, if he's being honest. It was only a year ago but it seems like decades away.

He arrives at Tyler's house and knocks on the door. They used to have a key to each other's places but Tyler never gave him one to this house.

“Oh, it's you,” Tyler says when he opens the door, looking surprised and not very glad to see him. “What's up?”

“I need to talk to you. Can I come in?” Jamie asks.

“Yeah, sure. Just ignore the mess,” Tyler answers. His living room is definitely messy, with carton boxes laying around, “So… what's up?”

“Nill called me. He says you don't want to play in Dallas anymore.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? That's all you're going to say?”

“I don't know what you want me to say.”

“How about a reason, Tyler? Give me one good reason why you would throw away everything we’ve built together here,” Tyler keeps avoiding his gaze, keeps looking at the floor, “Is it about money?”

“What? No!”

“Because I can take a pay cut. I’ll give up half my money if that's what you want.”

“It's not about money, Jamie.”

“Then what is it? Why the hell would you want to leave? Tell me what I can do to make you stay.”

“Rachel’s pregnant.” Tyler says solemnly.

Rachel was Tyler's girlfriend for the past year. He'd been pretty serious about her but they broke up in March, around the same time Jamie and Katie got engaged.

“Why does that matter? You guys broke up months ago. Isn't she back with her ex?”

“Yeah, but the kid’s still mine. She's 6 months pregnant. It adds up. And there were tests to confirm it so…”

“Oh. Well, Congratulations, I guess. But why does that mean you have to leave?”

“Rachel lives in Boston. She's got her life there. She can't move to Dallas.”

“So?”

“So if I want to see my kid for more than just the offseason I can't stay here.”

“Are you sure she can't move here?”

“I can't ask her to give up her whole life for me.”

“But you can give up everything for her? After she dumped you?”

“It's not for her, it's for the baby and I'm not giving up that much. It's not a big deal.”

“That's bullshit, Tyler.”

“It's not. You’d do the same thing in my position.”

“I wouldn't. I have loyalty. I absolutely would not abandon the team that gave me everything, the team I won a Stanley cup with.”

“I won a cup with Boston too, you know.”

“I do know. I also know they traded you here after they gave up on you.”

“I'm over that. This is for the best, Jamie.”

“The best for you. That's all you ever think about,” Jamie feels anger piled up inside him, “All you ever do is for your benefit and yours only. You only think about yourself. That's why I can't never count on you. You bailed on the Art Ross game, you bailed on my wedding, and you're bailing now. You're so fucking unreliable.”

“You done?” Tyler finally looks him in the eye, expressionless.

“No, I'm not done. You're a selfish dick and you're going to be a terrible father if you don't change that.”

Hurt flashes across Tyler's eyes and Jamie regrets his words instantly.

“Tyler, I-”

“Get out.” Tyler says firmly, “Please, just leave.”

Jamie knows he screwed up things beyond repair. Tyler is frowning at him, but his eyes are swelling up. If he's about to cry, Jamie doesn't want to see it. He does as he's told and walks out the door without another word.

Katie notices he's upset as soon as he gets home. He tells her the truth but holds back on showing how truly upset he is. He vows not to show anyone how much Tyler's betrayal hurt him. Katie of all people should not know that losing Tyler terrifies him.

“I just can't believe he's leaving.” Jamie tells Katie, keeping his voice in check so it doesn't break.

“I'm honestly not that surprised, sweetie.” Katie says, rubbing his back, “He only looks out for himself and he's always been a dick. I’ve always thought you gave him too much credit.”

That's not news to Jamie. Katie has always made her distaste for Tyler very clear. Especially after he and Rachel broke up. Katie is convinced that Tyler cheated, even though it was a pretty civil breakup as far as Jamie knows.

“You’re right, hon,” Jamie tells her, “Seguin is a selfish douchebag and I was dumb to think otherwise.” He tries to convince himself by saying it out loud. Hating Tyler is easier that the other alternative. Being angry at him is better than missing him.

“It's all going to be fine. The team doesn't need him. You don't need him.”

“I don't need him,” Jamie repeats after her, “I don’t need him.” He says again and wonders how many times he's going to have to say it to finally believe it.

A couple weeks later, he gets the notification from the NHL app:  **“Tyler Seguin signs 5 year contract with Boston Bruins.”**

 

* * *

 

 

He's pretty proud for maintaining his composure in front of Jamie. Tyler broke down in tears as soon as he walked out. Jamie said he’d be a terrible father which is the same thing he’s been telling himself for the past few weeks. It's not that offensive and if it had been anyone else to say it to him, his reaction wouldn't have been so extreme. But since it was Jamie, who always lifted him up when he felt down, who always believed in him and that he could do good...well, it certainly fucked him up a bit. Or maybe a lot, since he's been crying his heart out for the past four hours.

Marshall and Cash get on the bed with him. He normally wouldn't allow them to do that but screw it, he's sad and he wants to cuddle his dogs.

“Do you guys think I'm a bad father?” He asks them. The dogs just look at him in confusion. He wishes they could speak and tell him ‘You're the best dog dad ever and you’ll be just as great as a human dad!’ But Cash licking the back of his hand is the only answer he gets.

The worst part about it all is that Jamie is right about him being selfish. He's putting himself above the team’s needs and it's unprofessional as fuck. Staying in Dallas would make him miserable and eventually he would break down and bring everyone down with him like some sort of emotional avalanche. Maybe it's not selfish after all, since he's avoiding causing drama and problems for others. It's the same reasoning he used when he decided to miss Jamie and Katie’s wedding. He’d thought he could do it. Show up, hot girl on his arm, smiling like he was actually happy for Jamie. But the day of the wedding, he couldn't stop crying. And when he tried to write the stupid speech, he just couldn't manage to do it without somehow confessing his true feelings. He realized that if he went to the wedding, he would end up doing something incredibly dramatic like yelling “Marry me instead, Jamie!” at one point during the ceremony. That would have been embarrassing. Not just for him, but for Jamie as well. It was best for everyone if he bailed.

Tyler tried getting over Jamie, he truly did. He moved away and stopped hanging out with him so much. He got himself a nice girlfriend and actually committed himself to her. Rachel was awesome and he was in love with her. He felt like they had a future together. It seemed Tyler's plan had been successful until Jamie got engaged and it dawned on him that he was not over him at all. There was no way he would stop loving Jamie if he kept having to see him every day, watching him love somebody else. Going to Boston was the best course of action, even if Rachel didn't agree.

“Signing with Bruins again is like getting back together with an ex that cheated on you. Where's your self-respect, Ty?” She said to him when he told her his plan.

“Your whole life is in Boston, though.” He retorted. She couldn't possibly just pack up and move to Dallas again.

“That doesn't mean yours has to be. We could have figured something out without you having to move here.”

“It's fine, Rachel. Don't worry about my self-respect.” She decided to drop it after hearing the resignation in his voice. Rachel and Tyler were in a very peculiar situation. They had broken up in March, not knowing that Rachel was already two months pregnant with his child. She's a trust fund kid, never had to work a day in her life, but after the breakup she went back to Boston and decided to get her shit together. She got a good job running a charity organization and also rekindled her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Rob, who played for the Red Sox. In the month after the break up, Tyler had done nothing but wallow in self-pity, while Rachel basically rebuilt her whole life. It was until April, when she started puking her guts out in the mornings, that she realized something was wrong. When the doctor told her she was three months pregnant, she made the math and knew the kid couldn't possibly be Rob’s. She called Tyler and gave him the option to back out. Apparently, Rob was okay with marrying her and claiming the kid as his own if Tyler refused. Maybe he wasn't a saint, but Tyler was most definitely not the kind of asshole who would abandon his own baby. So off to Boston it was.

The Bruins seemed delighted to resign him.

“We made a terrible mistake letting you go, son,” Don Sweeney tells him when he signs the contract. He feels like saying “Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” but holds back his tongue. Even if the Bruins know now that trading him is not a good idea, he plans on avoiding any actions that might get him in trouble. That means no more partying, no more sleeping around, and no more missing team breakfast. He's going to score lot of goals and going to try to “fit in with the Bruins culture”, whatever the hell that means. He's a dad now and he needs to try to be a responsible adult. If Jamie thinks Tyler's going to be a terrible father, then he's going to prove him wrong.

The team has changed a lot since Tyler played there. Some guys left the team and some new ones have joined instead. Marchand throws a team get-together to celebrate his return to the Bruins.

“I'm so glad you're back, bro. You have no idea,” Marchand says to him, “It's going to be Seggy and Marchy, tearing up Beantown again.”

Tyler laughs in response. “I’d rather we tear up the league, not the town, Marchy.”

“We can do both, bro! They're not mutually exclusive.”

Marchand introduces to the guys he doesn't knew, like Hitch and Baker who seem to idolize Tyler.

“Duuuude! I can't believe we're gonna play with you!” Hitch says to him hugging him, “I mean, we’re probably not gonna play in the same line but still, I'm so excited!”

“Please excuse my friend, Mr. Seguin,” Baker adds solemnly, “He’s got a very bubbly personality.”

“Not a problem, Baker. And please don't call me Mr. Seguin, I'm not that much older than you,” Tyler replies.

“That's what I told him! But Baker is a total weirdo, dude. You’ll get used to it,” Hitch says and then starts a wrestling match against the other rookie. Tyler decides that he likes them and wants to help them out or mentor them, maybe. He used to do it in Dallas, it makes sense to keep it up here even if he's not really in a leadership position anymore.

Speaking of leadership, towards the end of the night, Patrice Bergeron approaches him. “Can we talk, Tyler?”

“Sure, Bergy. What’s up?”

“I'm worried about you. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have you back and all. The trade was never something I wanted. But it seemed to work for you, you seemed happy.”

“I was. I still am. I don't understand what you're worried about.”

“Are you happy, though? Why would you leave Dallas if it was working out so well?”

“I'm feeling pretty great. Really, there's nothing for you to stress over.”

Bergy is not convinced.  “I just don't get why you would abandon the Stars. It's not like we're a better team.”  It’s true. The Bruins missed the playoffs last season and didn’t make it that far the season before that.

“I knocked up my ex-girlfriend before we broke up. She lives here so I got to be near my kid. That's why I left Dallas,” Tyler says. He is terrified of being a parent but he’s glad that it provides him with a good excuse for returning to Boston. It's easier to understand than the stupid unrequited love he feels for his former captain.

“Oh, I didn't know you were going to be a father. Congratulations, Tyler!” Patrice says and wraps him up in a hug, “If you need any parenting tips, don't hesitate to ask me.”

Tyler does actually ask for some advice and it seems to do the trick because Bergy drops the issue.

Training camp and preseason go by in a blur and suddenly it's October and it's time for the home opening, plus Rachel’s due date. He's never been more anxious.

Their first game is against the Blackhawks and they win. He gets a goal and two assists so he knows he's played well. However, he can't shake the feeling of… incompleteness. He's played without Jamie before and he did just fine. But knowing he's never going to play with him again, never going to give him a pass, never hug him in the celly, never going to do their stupid bro jump ever again, it's wrecking Tyler. He's simply not enjoying hockey as much as he used to.

Marchand, who’s not as emotionally dense as he may appear, eventually takes notice of Tyler's grim mood.

“Alright, what's up with you? When Bergy said was worried I thought he was being paranoid but he was right. Something happened to you,” Marchand corners him after practice.

“Nothing happened to me. I'm fine,” Tyler replies, annoyed that this is coming up again.

“Yeah, you're fine but you used to be ecstatic, high on life even.”

“Am I not leading the league in points? If I'm as depressed as you claim, then it's definitely not affecting my game.”

“Well, no. You're playing pretty great but-”

“Then what's the issue? Why the hell are you so worried?” Tyler snaps, cutting him off.

“Because you're a shadow of yourself! You used to smile all the time, Tyler, and now when you do it's fake as hell. I care about you, man. Just tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened, alright?! Just drop it, Brad!”

“Did Benn do something to you? Is that why you left the Stars?”

“He didn't do anything. Benn has nothing to do with it,” Tyler lies through his teeth and hopes Marchy can't read him.

“You haven't mentioned him once since you came back, you know,” Marchand says, “After the trade, when we started talking again, you wouldn't shut up about him. All you kept blabbing about was Jamie Benn and how great he was and how much you liked him. At first I thought you wanted rub it in my face, wanted me to know that the trade turned out great for you. But later I realized it wasn't that. You just wanted to talk about Benn.”

“I don't know what your point is but you should-”

“Drop it? Not gonna happen, bro,” Marchand interrupts him, “Look, I know you're not straight, okay? I saw you leave bars with dudes sometimes. I never said anything cause I know I'm not your type. Benn on the other hand…”

“I still don't get what your theory is,” Tyler says, nervous that Marchand is close to figuring it out.

“I know he married some chick back in June. And you were noticeably absent from the wedding pictures. So… my theory is that you and Benn used to bang until he dumped you for that chick, because he is an idiot, obviously.  And then you left the team cause you were heartbroken and cause you are also an idiot.”

“You're wrong, Jamie and I weren't sleeping together.” Tyler turns around to walk away so Marchand can't read his face.

“But you were in love with him, weren't you?” He grabs Tyler’s arm to stop him from leaving, “Tyler… talking about this will help you. Just get it out of your system.”

The only person who knows about Tyler's feelings for Jamie is Rachel and it seems disrespectful to talk too much about it with her. It's the reason they broke up, after all. Marchand is one of his closest friends. He's known about Tyler's lack of heterosexuality for years and hasn't outed him yet. Therefore, Tyler thinks that he can trust him.

“You can't tell a soul about this,” Tyler says to him. Marchand nods effusively in response and Tyler tells him everything. He tells him about loving Jamie since his first year in Dallas. He explains how at times it looked like Jamie felt something for him too. It almost felt like they were heading towards something. But then Tyler screwed it up by sleeping through his alarm and getting scratched for Jamie’s Art Ross game. Jamie was very upset after that and they didn't talk at all during that summer. Summer of 2015 is when it all went to hell. While Tyler was busy partying his ass off in Europe, Jamie got himself a girlfriend and everything changed after that.

“So you left the team because you told him how you felt and he didn't take it well?” Brad asks him, narrowing his eyes, probably already planning something against Jamie.

“No, I never told him. In fact, I left the team to avoid confessing my feelings and ruining everything in the process.”

“But you're not friends anymore, right? He probably didn't like it when you signed with us.”

“He took it horribly. I’ve never seen him so angry,” Tyler says, “He called me a selfish dick and said I was going to be a terrible father.”

“Jesus… what a jerk. I guess he made it easier for you to get over him.”

“I wish, bro,” he sighs, “The truth is I miss him like crazy. I feel… empty is the best word for it, I guess.”

“Well, you shouldn't miss him. He's an idiot and he doesn't deserve you. You're better than that blonde chick and he's blind not to see that,” Marchand says putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, man. And thanks for listening. You were right, it did help me feel a little better.”

“Anytime, Seggy. What you need is some good rebound sex. I'm sure that you remember I'm the greatest wingman of all time. Why don't we go out and find you a nice guy or lady to spend the night with?”

“You make it sound so gross, dude,” Tyler says smiling, “It would have to be before Rachel gives birth though.”

“Are you kidding me, bro? Women love babies, the dad thing is serious turn on. Maybe gay dudes dig it, you never know.”

Tyler bursts out laughing and can't help being grateful that he's got a friend like Marchy. He might be a shadow of himself right now but with time he'll get back to normal. Hopefully.

About a week later, Rachel’s water breaks. After a few hours in the OR, a nurse hands Tyler his baby. It's a girl that they decide to name Audrey, after Rachel’s grandmother. He holds the baby in his arms and she stares back at him. She's got blue eyes and her ears are a little too big and yeah, there's no doubt in his mind that she is his daughter. She holds his index finger with her tiny hand and for the first time in forever, Tyler feels complete.


	2. Set The Fire To The Third Bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Features a flash back to fluffier times.

Jamie has had the date circled in his calendar since the schedule was announced. December 14. The day the Stars will play at the TD Garden. Against the Bruins. Against Tyler. He's seeing him for the first time since July and it's bound to be awkward regardless of what happens.

Jamie's mind is divided in two when it comes to Tyler.

One part of him misses him as if Tyler was a limb that was suddenly ripped off from him. It makes him want to corner Tyler after the game and beg him to come back. It’s what made Jamie drunk dial Tyler a few weeks ago. He didn't say anything, just breathed onto the phone, and he’s got no clue if Tyler knew it was him.  He’s playing alright but his passes don’t connect like they did when Tyler was around and celebrating his goals feels almost pointless.

The other part of Jamie, however, hates Tyler with a burning passion. He feels pure rage at his former teammate. He had no right to just leave the team like that. Returning to the Boston Bruins after they threw him away like garbage is completely mind boggling to Jamie. He suspects there’s another reason why Tyler wanted to leave because Rachel’s pregnancy just doesn’t seem like enough. But whatever the reason, Jamie is pissed about it. The team clearly misses Tyler’s presence. It’s not like they’re playing like shit, but they’re not all that great and Jamie knows that they would be if only Tyler still played with them. The Stars are only managing, trying to get through games until the offseason when they can sign another forward of Seguin’s caliber. Tyler really screwed them over, there’s no other way to put it.

Jamie doesn't know which side of him will win. The one would do anything to get his friend back, or the one that wants to get revenge at Tyler for abandoning him.

Jamie sits by himself on the plane to Boston. He needs the alone time to think about things and sort out his feelings. On the pretense that he’s studying the competition, he watches all of Tyler’s highlights on his iPad. Tyler is leading the league in points and will probably win the Art Ross Trophy this season. He’s been scoring a lot of goals, especially when he’s on a line with Brad Marchand. The commentators keep saying that Tyler and Marchand have “amazing chemistry going on”. Every time there’s a celly and Tyler throws his arms around the rat faced player and Jamie can’t help but think “That should be me.” Jamie didn't think it was possible to hate Brad Marchand more than he already did but well, the year has been full of surprises.

He is in the middle of watching Tyler score a hat trick against the Leafs when someone sits down in the seat next to him and rips his headphones out of his hears.

“What the hell!” he exclaims in pain.

“You need to stop watching that,” Jordie says, “It’s not doing you any good.”

“I’m studying his play. It’s preparation.” Jamie explains.

“Self-torture is what it is," Jordie huffs, “You played with the guy for five years, Chubbs. I’d say you’re already familiar with the way he plays.”

“I still need to watch him, though. He’s mostly on the right wing now. Except for the times when they put him on the line with these rookies,” Jamie says pointing at Hitch and Baker on the screen, as they hug Tyler after he scores another goal.

“Listen, Chubbs. Nobody on the team wanted to say anything but I’m your brother so I’m going to be straight with you,” Jordie says with a deep breath , “You’ve been insufferable these past few days. Everybody knows you took Tyler’s departure worse than all of us. He was your friend I get it. But this is just another game. How do you think I felt when we had to play the Panthers after Demers left?”

“That was different. Jason didn't leave because he wanted to and two weren’t like me and Tyler to begin with.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Daddy and I were best friends,” Jordie asks squinting his eyes then opening them in realization, “Unless…”

“It doesn't mean anything. Forget I said it, okay?” Jamie answers trying to interrupt his brother’s train of thought.

“Chubbs… were you and Tyler… more than friends?”

“Ugh no, Jordie. It wasn't like that at all,” Jamie answers, keeping his voice low and trying to avoid the rest of the team listening to what Jordie is implying.

“Did you want to be more than friends?”

“What? No! Jordie, come on. Don't be ridiculous!” Jamie exclaims, and hopes Jordie is not as good at reading him anymore, “I’m married. I love my wife.”

“You met Tyler first, though. Having feelings for him makes a lot of sense, when you think about it.”

“No, it doesn't because I’m not gay, Jordie. He was my friend and now he means nothing to me. That’s it. End of story. Got it?” Jamie says with authority. He really needs his brother to drop it.

“Got it, Chubbs. No need to use your captain voice on me,” Jordie says raising his palms in defeat, “I just want you to know… I’d be okay with it. If you liked dudes, I mean.”

“I don’t. Don’t ever bring it up again.”  He says still frowning at his brother.

“Alright. I’ll leave you alone so you can keep being miserable,” Jordie says and leaves at last.

Jamie’s feelings for Tyler have always been… messy. He had managed to sort them out and keep it all buried deep. Until he got that call from Nill in July, that is. Now he doesn't know how to feel, anymore. Once again, his feelings are a mess. Everything's a mess if he’s being honest. As soon as they get to the hotel, he locks himself in the bathroom and throws up for hours. He almost breaks down crying. Especially when a memory comes into his mind.

It had been Tyler’s first time playing in Boston since the trade. Jamie knew it was important to him. He’d seen the date circled on the calendar on Tyler’s kitchen. Tyler had been restless for days before they left and he looked plain antsy on the plane ride. He wasn’t his usual jokester self. Instead, he’d been quiet and reserved. When they got to the hotel, he went up to his room immediately, without a word to anyone. To say Jamie was worried was an understatement. He headed to Tyler’s room and knocked on the door several times with no answer. If it was any other town they were in, he would have thought Tyler was just taking a nap and Jamie would have left him alone. But since it was Boston and because Tyler had been so noticeably altered, Jamie let himself in using the key to his teammate’s room.

“Tyler?” he asked, not seeing his friend on the bed. He heard heavy coughing coming from the bathroom so headed that way. He found Tyler on his knees, holding the toilet seat with both hands. Tyler looked up at him with glassy eyes, a helpless expression on his face.

“Jamie...” Tyler whimpered. His voice had sounded so broken.    

“Shhh, it’s okay, Seggy,” Jamie said, kneeling next to him. He put his hand on Tyler’s back, gently rubbing it as the younger man started throwing up again. “It’s okay. I’m here. I got you, Ty.”

After heaving for what seemed like hours, it became clear that Tyler had fully emptied his stomach. There was nothing left for him to vomit.  At this point, Tyler began to cry. Not just tearing up a little but actually sobbing. Jamie put his arms around him to move him away from the toilet that was filled with vomit. They settled into a more comfortable position, leaning against the wall.  Tyler buried his face on Jamie’s chest as he kept sobbing. Jamie held him close, with one hand rubbing circles on Tyler’s back and the other running through his brown hair. Jamie kept whispering words of comfort on Tyler’s ear. “It’s going to be alright, Tyler. I promise.” Eventually, the sobbing quieted down.

“Ty, do you want to go to bed, now?” Tyler nodded and they got up from the bathroom floor. “Man, your puke sure smells like hell,” Jamie said as he flushed the toilet. Tyler chuckled in response. His laugh was dry, not as lively as usual. Still, Jamie considered it a win.

“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone right now,” Tyler had said, his voice raspy after all the vomiting and crying.

“Yeah, of course.” Jamie replied. He took off his pants and jacket and got into bed. Tyler followed after taking off his puke-smelling shirt. They got into a similar position to the one they had been on the floor. Jamie had a brief moment of panic when he realized he was cuddling Tyler, his teammate. His very attractive teammate who he’d always felt inexplicably drawn to. I just want him to feel better, Jamie told himself. This isn’t the time for gay panic.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Tyler said against Jamie’s chest, “I just feel really shitty right now and I can't help it.”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything, Tyler.”

“No, I do. I know it looks like I’m still upset about the trade. I shouldn't be anymore, I know that,” he lifted his head up to be able to look into Jamie’s eyes, “It turned out better for me. And I love Dallas, I really do. I love our team and I love… playing with you. You’ve got to believe me, Jamie.”

“I do believe you, Ty. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“I just want you to know that I really wish I wasn't this upset about playing here. This feeling I have, of being unwanted and useless. I want to get over it. I want to get over the fact they gave up on me and threw me away like garbage. The wound still fresh, I guess. But it won't be like this the next time we play them, I promise.”

“They screwed up, Seggy. Everyone knows it. It’s fact.”

“Is it really?” Tyler asked, “We haven’t won anything yet.”

“But eventually we will. Tyler, not believing in you… it seems impossible to me. And the trade, I want you to know that I don't like how it made you feel. I don’t like it at all. But I am so glad it happened. I am so glad you’re on my team. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.” Jamie tried to convey the true amount of appreciation he had for his teammate.

“Thank you, Jamie,” Tyler replied with a soft smile and a light blush on his cheeks, “For everything, not just tonight.”

“Just go to sleep, bro. We gotta kick some ass tomorrow.” Jamie said trying to steer the situation into ‘no homo’ territory.

“Damn right we do.” Tyler said and nestled his head on Jamie’s chest again.

Jamie had slept comfortable as ever that night, with Tyler’s warmth pressed up against him. The next day, they beat the Bruins in a shootout and Tyler goes back to his usual self. They never really discussed the events of that night. As Tyler has promised, he was completely fine the next time they played the Bruins so there was no need for Jamie to comfort him again.

It is five years later and Jamie is now the one puking his guts out and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Tonight, he’s the one who feels unwanted, the one who was thrown away. Meanwhile, Tyler is probably out partying with Mike Stud and Brad Marchand, not here to rub Jamie’s back and cuddle with him.

He’d say it’s funny how the tables have turned but his sense humor seems to have left when Tyler did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so feel free to point out any mistakes.  
> *Jeb Bush voice* Please leave a comment


	3. It's so sad to think about the good times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not just another game and Tyler is not okay.

“Is it weird playing against your old team?” Hitch asks Tyler as they suit up for the game.

“It's… different,” Tyler says, “They know me too well so it might be harder.”

“It must be really though. Especially facing Benn. You know, I used to tell Baker he was the Benn to my Seguin.”

“You did? He does remind me a little bit of Jamie now that I think of it,” Tyler replies.  Baker is also a bit socially awkward, he has a quiet voice and an ever polite demeanor. “But you and Baker are probably closer that he and I ever were.”

“We’re not that close,” Hitch says rolling his eyes.

“You guys live together, Hitch.”

“You and Benn were never roommates?” Hitch asks in confusion.

Tyler doesn't appreciate the walk down memory lane. Especially when it comes to remembering the ‘good old days’ of his first year in Dallas. It's nostalgic and more bitter than sweet.

“We lived in the same building once but never in the same place,” Tyler explains.

“Hmmm…” Hitch ponders, “If I had to play against Baker, I'd be upset as hell. How come you and Jamie aren't bros anymore?”

“What makes you think we aren't?”

“Well, when we played the Oilers last month, you called McDavid… like, days in advance. And then you went out with him. Cause he's your bro,” Hitch pauses unsure, “So… Benn’s coming in today and you don't call him or anything so what's up with that?”

Before Tyler can tell Hitch that no, he isn't friends with Jamie anymore, Marchand sits down between them.

“What are you two losers talking about?” He asks.

“I was just asking Tyler why he stopped being friends with Benn,” Hitch explains.

“And why the hell would you want to know that?” Marchand says scrunching his face, “Baker! Come pick up your other half!”

“Has he been making personal questions again?” Baker asks and Marchand nods in response, “I apologize. Hitch, I told you this was a problem.”

“I just want to know what happened!” Hitch whines.

“Listen, kids,” Marchy starts, “The only thing you need to know about Jamie Benn is that he's real fucking good at hockey and that he's a huge asshole. Focus on beating him tonight and then forget all about him, alright?”

“Yes, sir.” Baker says and nudges Hitch with his elbow.

“Yeah, I guess. I'll stop asking questions.”

“Good boys. Now scatter,” Marchand says and the pair of rookies leave. He turns to Tyler, his expression instantly different, “You alright, bro?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?” Tyler replies.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because we're playing against your old team?”

“It's just another game, Marchy,” Tyler says with a forced smile.

“Just another game, my ass!” His teammate huffs, “Man, I was a wreck the first time I played against you and I was never in love with you. It must be a hundred times worse for you.”

“It's not that bad.”

“Tyler, we’ve talked about this. Burying all of your feelings isn't gonna do you any good.”

Tyler sighs in response. He knows Marchy is right. Talking about things is good. “I'm more worried about how the rest of the team will react. I already know Jamie hates me, but the others… I got no clue.”

“I'm guessing they're not your biggest fans either, Segs. You really aren't worried about Jamie? What if slams into you or hits you or something?”

“Then he’d be doing his job. Business as usual.”

“Still, if he hurts you… he'll have to deal with Chara. Or me.”

“Maybe I can stand up for myself, though. I’ve been learning how to fight, you know.” He had asked a few teammates for advice and had signed up for boxing classes. All part of the plan to “fit in with Bruins culture”.

“Yeah, no. I’ve seen your moves and you're nowhere near ready to fight someone like Benn. So don't go dropping your gloves just yet, okay?”

Tyler rolls his eyes in response. He's about to explain to Marchy that he's gotten pretty good at the fighting thing, when he hears his phone vibrate in his locker. He sees Rachel's picture on the caller ID and picks up.

“Hey, I'm just calling to remind you that I'm dropping off Audrey at ten,” Rachel says.

“Yeah, I remember. I’ll be home by ten, no worries.”

“Sorry to leave you with her on a game night. I know you’ll probably be tired.”

“It's not an issue, Rachel. Don't worry about it.”

“Alright.” She says but stays on the line.

“Is there anything else you needed to tell me?”

“Yeah, it's just… Don't think I don't know who you're playing against tonight. I'm worried about you. How are you holding up?”

“Rachel, I'm fine. Seriously, don't worry about me.”

“Are you sure? You can talk to me about it if you need to,” she says, her voice full with concern. It worries him that she uses the same tone on him that she used when they were together. The thought of Rachel still loving him makes him feel insanely guilty.

“I talked it out with Brad. The game’s going to be okay, Rachel. I’ll see you at ten.”

“Bye, Tyler.” She sighs and hangs up.

 

The game is decidedly not okay.

A few guys on the Stars greet him during warmups. Not Jamie, though. Tyler is glad that looks can't kill because he’d be dead if it were up to Jamie. There's nothing but disgust in Jamie's eyes. If there was any doubt that he hated Tyler, he sure has squandered it.

During the first two periods, Jamie's managed to check him 5 times and slam him into the boards 3 times. Right before the end of the second period, Jamie gives him a questionable hit that knocks the air out of him. The refs don't call anything, though. So either the hit’s legal after all or the refs hate him too. Chara doesn't like the hit, despite the refs’ opinions. Tyler sees him skate towards Jamie, with full intent of fighting the Stars Captain. Tyler steps in front of his 6’9 teammate before he can go any further.

“Z, don't. Just leave it be. I'm fine now. It was a legal hit.”

“He hits you again and I’ll break his face. And yours too if you try to stop me.”

Tyler gulps down his saliva and nods. The period ends and they head to the locker room. The stars are up by one goal, courtesy of Antoine Roussel.

“Dude, why did you stop Z from fighting Benn?” Hitch asks him in the tunnel.

“Chara would have broken his face,” Tyler answers.

“And? Bro, I know I said I would butt out of your personal issues but Jamie Benn seems hell-bent on beating the shit out of you. We can't just let him!” Hitch whines.

“He's right, Tyler. If Benn touches you again, I'm doing something about it. And you need to stop protecting him,” Marchand adds.

They listen to coach Julien as he tells them new plays and what they need to change to win.

“I'm shuffling the lines. Seguin, you’ll be on the third line with Hitch and Baker. I hope that gets Benn out of your hair,” Coach says and then goes back to discussing plays.

When the intermission ends and they head out, the coach approaches him.

“Seguin,” he says, his voice low.

“Yes, Coach?”

“I don't know what happened between you and Benn, and I don't care,” Coach narrows his eyes at him, “Don't ever stop a teammate from fighting, Seguin. This isn't Dallas. In Boston we play aggressively, understood?”

Tyler nods in response and joins his teammates out of the locker room. He knows what coach meant to imply. It's more of that ‘fit in with the culture’ bullshit. Can't they see Tyler is already trying?

The third period starts and with the line shuffling, he and Jamie are not on the ice at the same time. But then, Roussel crosschecks Marchand and the Bruins go on the Power Play. Tyler joins the ice with Hitch and Baker, with 30 seconds left on the PP. 30 seconds it's all it takes. He doesn't know exactly how it happens. Baker is already lying on the ice, motionless, when Tyler turns around to look.

“Baker!” Hitch cries out and kneels on the ice next to his unconscious teammate. The trainers come to check on Baker and they take him off the ice in a stretcher. Hitch looks like he's about to cry, which is highly uncharacteristic of his happy-go lucky, frat boy demeanor.

Tyler puts his arms on Hitch’s shoulders and holds him close to talk in his ear, “Hey, calm yourself down. Baker’s going to be fine.”

Hitch doesn't answer and hugs Tyler closer. Tyler raises his head just in time to see the replay of the hit on the jumbotron. Jamie slammed Baker with what seemed like all of his force and sent him flying head first into the boards. Suddenly, Tyler feels himself filled with anger.

“What the fuck is your problem?” He snipes at Jamie when play is resumed.

Surprise flashes on Jamie’s eyes for a brief moment before he answers coldly, “You’re my problem.”

“Fine, then hit me all you want and leave my teammates out of it.”

“Hockey is a contact sport, Seguin.  They should know that by know.”

“He's just a kid!” Tyler says, thinking of Baker, only 18 years old and probably still unconscious. Tyler's anger suddenly intensifies. “Let's settle this. You and me. Once and for all. Let's fucking go.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Jamie asks with an ironic chuckle.

“I’m serious,” Tyler worries for a second that Jamie won't go for it. Then he comes up with just the right thing to say, “Drop your gloves, you fat asshole!”

It does the trick. Jamie's gloves slam into the ice. Tyler drops his too and raises his hands to protect his face. He hears the refs blowing their whistles and the crowd roaring in excitement. He tries to focus on Jamie and on remembering every piece of advice he ever got on fighting. He's not completely inexperienced, he's been on scrums before. Tyler distinctly remembers playing the Blues in 2015 and jumping at Bortuzzo after he jabbed Jamie in the solar plexus. “Tyler Seguin is the most upset!” He remembers the announcer’s saying when he watched the replay. And yeah, of course he was the most upset. He would have gone to war for Jamie Benn. Now he has to go against him.

They grab at each other's jerseys with a steady grip. It seems to be a pretty even fight until Jamie frees his right hand and punches him above his left eye, knocking off his helmet in the process. He feels a warm liquid run down his face and it's probably blood. That's not good, he thinks.

He manages to avoid another punch from Jamie and they're gripping each other's jerseys again. By some miracle of god, Tyler manages to land a punch on Jamie's jaw. It's probably more painful to Tyler than it is to Jamie but still, Tyler is all about celebrating small victories these days.  They keep struggling and Jamie lets out a literal growl. Tyler would be turned on by it if he wasn't currently preoccupied with keeping all of his teeth. Jamie frees his right fist again and slams it right into Tyler’s left eye. He can feel it start swelling almost instantly and the pain spreads to his whole head. It's too much and Jamie topples him onto the ice. Tyler can think of a dozen better scenarios that involve Jamie on top of him. He feels Jamie’s warm breath on his neck, panting into him.

“I… miss you. So. Fucking. Much.” Jamie says, still breathing heavily. His voice sounds broken, like he's about to start sobbing. Tyler doesn't know what to reply. He's still too rattled, maybe even concussed.

The refs manage to rip Jamie off from him and direct him to the Stars’ bench. Tyler connects his gaze with his former line mate one last time before heading to the dressing room. Instead of the pure, unadulterated rage that had been on Jamie’s eyes a few minutes ago, Tyler sees nothing but longing and pain.

He never thought leaving Dallas would hurt Jamie this much. Probably because Jamie was right all along and Tyler is a selfish dick.

Despite his best efforts to move past his feelings and despite the fact Jamie just destroyed his face, Tyler still loves Jamie. Maybe it's time Tyler tells him the truth.

* * *

 

Jamie can't believe what he just did. He’d been all over Tyler for the whole game but there's a huge difference between legal checking and actually punching him in the face.

He didn't mean to hit the Baker kid. He got on Jamie's way by mistake and the next he knew he was flying into the boards. If the situation was reversed and someone on his team had been hit like Baker, he'd definitely fight the asshole who hit him. He doesn't judge Tyler for dropping his gloves. But that doesn't mean he's not a little shocked by it. Tyler had never been in a real fight before. He’d been in a few brief scuffles, but nothing major. He’d never actually been punched. Tyler's not a violent guy. It's why he doesn't bother to wear a mouth guard and… oh, god. Jamie hopes he didn't knock of any of Tyler's teeth. He couldn't live with himself if he did. Hell, he can barely live with himself already. He was angry at Tyler but actually hitting him? Jamie had always hated seeing Tyler in pain, physical or emotional. And tonight, Jamie gave him a good ration of it.

He needs to apologize. Not just for tonight, but for everything. For the things he said to Tyler back in July and for whatever he did that made him want to leave in the first place. Jamie doesn't know what it was but it doesn't matter, he's sorry for it.

The game ends and the Bruins win with a goal from Marchand and another one from Hitch. Both of them look at Jamie like they want to end his life and well, he knows he had it coming. Neither Baker nor Tyler return to the game.

He approaches Marchand before heading to the locker room.

“What the hell do you want, you cocksucking asshole,” Marchand spits at him.

“Is Tyler okay?” Jamie asks ignoring the insult.

“First you beat the shit out of him and now you want to know if he's okay? Feeling guilty, Benn?”

“Yes,” he answers honestly, “I want to apologize to him.”

“Don't bother. Tyler should never forgive you. He should never talk to you again or even think about you,” Marchand sneers, “You don't even realize what you did to him, do you?”

Jamie doesn't know if he's talking about tonight or in general. He averts his gaze from Marchand, knowing he's right. Tyler is never going to forgive him. It's best if Jamie leaves him alone for good.

“Just tell him I'm sorry. Please,” he pleads at the Bruins player. Marchand snorts and skates away.

Jamie goes through the motions of showering and getting dressed in automatic mode. He doesn't talk to anyone at all, gives no words of encouragement after a loss like a captain should. He gets on the bus before anyone else and puts his bag on the sit next to him so his teammates know he wants to be alone. He stares out the bus window at his teammates in the parking lot.

Suddenly, he sees a familiar figure walk out the door. Tyler's face doesn't look as bad from afar. Jamie can see a dark purple bruise around his left eye but other than that he looks the same as always. Jamie can't see his teeth though, so he can't tell if he did in fact damaged Tyler's perfect smile. Tyler seems to be looking for someone, probably him. Jamie sees him heading toward the bus door and feels his heart start beating faster. However, Tyler is intercepted by Jordie. Jamie can't tell what either of them is saying, he's always been bad at lip reading. But Tyler doesn't look angry at all, which confuses Jamie. After what Jamie did to him, Tyler should want to get on the bus with a baseball bat and beat the shit out of him. Jordie takes out his phone and hands it to Tyler, who types in something. They share a brief hug and Tyler leaves. Jamie fights the impulse to get off of the bus and go after him. He hopes Jordie will tell him what Tyler wanted.

After a few minutes, his brother walks inside the bus. He moves Jamie's bag and flops down on the seat.

“What did Tyler want?” Jamie asks immediately.

“He wanted to talk to you, obviously,” Jordie answers, “He said he wanted to tell you the truth about why he left.”

“Why didn't you let him talk to me?”

“Because that's conversation you shouldn't have in front of everyone, Chubbs. He gave me his address and he wants you to show up so you can talk.”

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, Jordie.”

“What are you going to do?” Jordie asks.

“I'm going to go and get answers. Finally.” Jamie sighs.

The bus ride to the hotel feels eternal. When they finally get there, Jamie goes up to his room to change into something more comfortable than his game day suit. He spends a few minutes trying to rehearse an apology speech in front of the mirror but nothing comes out right and it's late so he guesses he’ll just have to improvise.

He gets an uber to Tyler place, a townhouse with red bricks and ivy hanging from the halls. It's so terribly Bostonian and Jamie hates it. But now is not the time to dwell on Tyler's real estate choices. He knocks on the door.

* * *

 

Rachel drops the baby off at ten o'clock sharp. She lets herself in with the key Tyler gave her. She throws her arms around him as soon as places a sleeping Audrey in her crib.

“I can't believe he did that, Tyler,” she says using that tone that Tyler doesn't deserve anymore. “Gosh, look at your eye. Are you putting ice on it? Have you taken any ibuprofen yet? I think I got some in my purse, just let me-”

“Rachel.” He interrupts her and holds her wrists. “Stop worrying.  I'm okay.”

Her bright blue eyes are still full of concern. “I wish you'd stop saying that. You're not okay. You shouldn't be okay. And I'm always going to worry about you. Always.”

“Why? We’re not together anymore. We haven't been for almost a year.”

“That doesn't matter, Tyler. You're still the father of my child and I… I may be with Rob now but that doesn't mean I stopped having feelings for you. You're the one who ended things and you know damn well that I didn't want to.”

“Can we not have this conversation tonight? Please, Rachel. You're gonna be late for your flight.”

Rachel rolls her eyes with a sigh. “Fine. I'll see you on Monday.”

Audrey wakes up about half an hour after Rachel leaves. Tyler takes her into his arms to help her fall back asleep. He knows every parent thinks their kid is the best. But Audrey is truly the greatest baby of all time. She almost never cries which is certainly great for his sleeping pattern. She laughs a lot and just seems like an unusually happy baby. Tyler is still terrified that he's going to screw it all up. He has nightmares where he accidentally drops her on her head and he always wakes up sweating and panting. He has to stare at her for almost an hour after he has those awful dreams. He's got other fears regarding Audrey that don't involve her dying. Tyler has this theory that Audrey is going to be crazy smart and if he doesn't raise her right, she’ll probably grow up to be the next Hitler or something. He loves that she's a baby but part of him can't wait till she's older and can tell him “Stop worrying, dad. I turned out fine!”

She's about to fall asleep when he he hears a knock on the front door. He feels his stomach drop because he knows exactly who the person staying in his porch is.

“Hi,” Jamie says awkwardly, “Oh, you have the baby. I didn't know. Maybe. I should leav-”

“Don't be ridiculous. Let me just put her in her crib and then we can talk.” Tyler says.

Jamie follows him upstairs to the nursery room. Audrey’s finally asleep again and probably will be until morning. “Goodnight, sweetie,” he says placing a soft kiss on her temple and he carefully puts her in her crib.

“She's a very cute baby,” Jamie whispers.

“I can only take half the credit but thank you,” Tyler replies with a light chuckle.

“She looks like you, though. She's got your ears.”

“I know. She'll probably hate me for it when she's older.”

“They're nice ears, though. Maybe she'll like them,” Jamie ponders.

“Come on,” Tyler says guiding him out the room, “You didn't come here to talk about ears.”

They return downstairs to the living room and just stand there for a few moments looking at each other.

“Do you want to go first or should I?” Tyler asks breaking the silence.

“I should start. I'm the one who…” Jamie trails off. He draws a deep breath before talking again, “I'm really sorry. For everything. What I said in July… it was horrible. You're not going to be a terrible father. You're probably gonna be better at it than anyone I know. You’ve always been so great with kids.”

“It really messed me up, you know. Your opinion mattered to me and then you said that… it really hurt me.”

“I shouldn't have said it. I didn't even mean it. And tonight… Tyler, I am so sorry about tonight. I know there's nothing I can do to make it up to you but I need you to know that I feel terrible about it. I let my anger get a hold of me.”

“Why are you so angry, anyway?” Tyler asks.

“You left our team. You left me. Like it didn't even mean anything to you,” Jamie answers, his voice getting sharper. “I’d tell you that you have no idea what it feels like but you do. It's like you traded me. You gave up on me and just threw away our friendship. For months, I have wondered why I wasn't enough for you. Why it was so easy for you to walk away.”

“It wasn't easy. And I never meant to make you feel like that, Jamie.”

“But you did, Tyler! I’ve been miserable these last five months and it's all because you wanted to leave for no reason!” Jamie whines.

“I had a reason.”

“It's not good enough. There's got to be something else.”

“There is.”

“Then tell me what it is! Stop being cryptic and just tell me! I’ve been ransacking my mind trying to figure out what I did to make you leave!”

Tyler stays quiet. He had wanted to tell Jamie but now he realizes he probably shouldn't. It's just going to make him feel guilty.

“Tyler, for Christ’s sake, please just tell me!” Jamie pleads impatiently, “Please! What did I do?”

“You got married!” Tyler blurts out at last.

“What?” Jamie recoils back in confusion, “Why would that make you leave?!”

“Because I love you!” Tyler answers and he might regret this for the rest of his life but he continues, “I’ve always loved you. But you married someone else and I didn't want to stay around to see you be happy with her. I was going to be miserable if I didn't leave.”

“You… that's why you didn't go to my wedding, right?”

“I knew that if I showed up I would have made a scene. I probably would have objected when the priest asked if anyone did. Or I would have just bawled through the entire thing. It was for the best I wasn't there.”

Jamie stands there in silence, not looking at him. It's a better reaction than Tyler expected. He thought Jamie would be disgusted and proceed to out him to the world.

“You said you wanted to marry Rachel,” Jamie states, his voice stoic. Tyler has no clue what it has to do with anything.

“I'm pretty sure I was drunk when I said that,” Tyler explains. He loved Rachel but it was for the best that he ended things with her.

“I, uh, I should go,” Jamie says walking towards the door, still no expression on his face.

“I'm so sorry, Jamie. I tried to get over you but it was never going to happen if I didn't leave. I'm sorry I'm an unprofessional dick,” Tyler says. His voice breaks and he can feel his eyes start watering. He's been crying all year and he wishes it would stop.

“Don't be sorry, I-” Jamie cuts himself off. “It isn't your fault. It's nobody's fault, really.”

Jamie's looking at him with his kind eyes again. This is the look of comfort that he got for 5 years until he screwed it up. He's going to miss it.

“It's probably better if we don't talk to each other again. At least for a few more months.” Tyler says as he opens his front door. “I need to move on.”

“Yeah, I get it. Don't worry,” Jamie walks out on the porch but turns around suddenly and wraps Tyler in a hug, “I'm really going to miss you, Ty,” he whispers in his ear.

Tyler holds on to Jamie and thinks how tragic it is that he's never going to feel Jamie's warmth against him ever again.

“Goodbye, Jamie” Tyler says when Jamie pulls away, tears streaming freely down his face.

“Goodbye, Tyler,” Jamie replies and leaves him there, crying and alone.

* * *

 

Jamie almost breaks down during the cab ride. He somehow manages to keep his shit together until he arrives to the hotel. He hands the cash to the cab driver without a word.

He goes to Jordie’s room instead of his own because he needs to tell someone about this. He's been keeping it all to himself for years and he's done. He can't do it anymore. He also needs someone to stop him from doing the wrong thing.

Jordie opens the door after just one knock. “Chubbs… what’s wrong? What happened?” Jordie asks worried.

Jamie throws his arms around his brother and starts sobbing. They step inside the room and Jordie locks the door.

“Jamie, did he do something to you?” Jordie asks when Jamie sobs quiet down a bit.

“No, he just…” Jamie wants to keep crying but he needs to talk this out, “He loves me, Jordie. That's why he left. Because he loves me and I married someone else.”

“Oh, Chubbs. I had my suspicions. But why did that upset you so much?”

“Because I love him too.” Jamie says, “I love him too and I only married Katie because I thought he was marrying Rachel. I thought I would get over him when I got married.”

“Jamie…” his brother gasps.

“I ruined everything, Jordie. We could have been together but I screwed it all up. I ruined his life and my own. And now we're both miserable.”

“Jamie, you could just... get a divorce, you know,” Jordie says unsure, “Did you tell Tyler how you feel?”

“What would be the point? We can't be together anymore. I'm not getting a divorce after less than a year of marriage. And even if I did, he lives in Boston now.”

“So what happens now? You're both miserable for the rest of your lives?”

“I need to let him go. Let him get over me. And I’ll try to get over him.”

“Jamie, I don't even know what to tell you.”

Jamie doesn't know what to feel either. All this time, he's been angry at Tyler for leaving when he should have been angry at himself for not making him stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of suffering, I know. Chapter four takes place after a time jump where things will get fluffier, I promise.  
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed.


	4. I haven't thought of you lately at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change the number of chapters due to a change in my outline. This change allows me to update more frequently so I hope you don't mind.  
> I apologize in advance if my depiction of a four year old is completely unrealistic. I've got no idea what kids are like so let's just assume Audrey is a very precocious kid.  
> Also, I know it's highly unlikely that Tyler and Jamie could manage to avoid each other for almost five years. So just suspend disbelief lol.

une 2023

The sun is shining with intensity, as it should at noon of a clear summer day in Toronto. Jamie really thinks they should stop walking outside. He wants to get a cab back to the hotel or go inside a business to avoid getting a brutal sunburn. But Katie insists that walking is good for them and refuses to get off the sun. Her skin is not as susceptible as his and she is actually wearing sunscreen to begin with, so she doesn't have to worry about sunburn like he does. She's talking to him about something some girl from work told her but he's not paying attention. Jamie's eyes drift up at the CN Tower and for the first time in a long time he allows himself to wonder about a certain former friend that had that landmark tattooed on his arm.

Jamie tries to never think about Tyler and he's mostly succeeded. The Stars have played the Bruins nine times since he and Tyler last spoke to each other. Jamie has missed four of those games while Tyler missed the other five. It's kind of an unspoken agreement between the two of them, to ignore each other's existence as much as humanly possible. Jamie hasn't seen Tyler in person since last year’s All Star Game, over three years ago. They didn't say a word to each other at all. Jamie has no idea what Tyler's life is like anymore but he hopes it's good.

“You're not paying attention to me, are you?” Katie says, interrupting his train of thought.

“Uh…” Jamie replies. He doesn't want to tell his wife about what he's thinking instead of listening to her.

“Do you feel alright, sweetheart? You're not getting heatstroke, are you?” She asks reaching to put her hand on his forehead. He feels fine but he's not letting go of this opportunity to finally get off the sun.

“I think I might be? I don't feel so well,” he lies.

“Oh God, let's go to that Tim Horton’s so you can sit down and get some water alright?” She asks and he nods in response.

He tries not to let it show how victorious he feels when they finally go inside. He takes a seat in the only table available, right next to the garbage can. Katie goes to the counter to buy a bottle of water for him and some ice coffee for herself. When she joins him at the table, her gaze instantly shifts towards the family sitting next to them. It's a young couple, maybe even younger than them, with three small kids. They look too happy, like they're from a photo that comes with a picture frame. Jamie knows exactly what Katie’s thinking.

“Please, don't bring it up here. Not now,” Jamie says before she's got a chance to speak.

“Now is as good as ever, Jamie,” she says with a smile, “Look how happy they are!”

“I'm already happy, Katie,” he says but his tone contradicts his words.

“I'm not saying you're not. But we both would be way happier if we had kids,” Katie sighs, “I don't understand why you're so damn reluctant.”

Katie has been wanting to start a family for a long time now. She’s been insisting to stop using contraception for over a year but Jamie hasn’t given in. Having a baby it’s simply… too much.

“I told you, Katie. I’m not ready yet.” He tells her. Jamie really doesn't want to discuss the baby issue in the middle of a crowded Tim Horton’s. He doesn't want to discuss it anywhere, if he’s being honest.

“When will you be ready, then?” she pauses, “Jamie, you’re a man so you might not understand this. Your sperm will probably be viable even when you’re seventy. My eggs, on the other hand… not so much.”

“I hope you realize you’re talking about sperm and eggs in a family establishment,” he replies, still trying to end the conversation.

“I couldn’t care less about where we are. We could be in church and I’d still bring it up,” his wife answers, “My uterus is gonna dry up, Jamie!”

“Your uterus is fine, Katie. We’re still young, there’s still time.”

“I’m thirty years old already!” Katie whines, as if being 30 meant she was already middle aged, “Nobody’s ever fully ready to be a parent. There’s no handbook.”

“I know that! It’s just... having a baby scares the shit out of me,” He admits, “There’s a million things that could go wrong.”

“Like what?” She says taking a sip from her iced coffee. Her eyes are wide open and directly on his, waiting for an answer.

“Like death!” He blurts out, “You could die giving birth!”

“You could also die playing hockey and you still do it. Because the risk is worth it, right?”

“Having a child is not like playing hockey. At all,” He says, “What if we raise the kid wrong and he turns out to be the next Hitler?”

“Then we won't raise him wrong. Jesus Jamie, you’re being ridiculous,” she rolls her eyes, “Have you considered that there’s also a million things that could go right? Like our kid will probably love sports! You could teach him how to play hockey or how to play baseball. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

It would be nice. He can even picture it perfectly. Going to ball games with his kid, teaching them how to bat or how to skate, playing catch with them. Jamie actually enjoys the whole escenario. Still, he’s not giving in. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m just not ready yet.”

“Have you ever talked to Jordie about this?” Katie says after a long deep breath, “He has a two year old kid and he seems alright. Why don’t you ask him for some advice on this? Maybe you could hang out with him and see firsthand that parenthood isn’t so terrifying?”

“Jordie is in Europe with his family and he won’t get back until August,” Jamie tells her. He doesn't mention the fact that even if Jordie was home, Jamie still wouldn't want to borrow his kid for parenthood practice. Jordie’s son, Micah, is the worst toddler Jamie's ever met. He pukes all the time and not figuratively. That boy literally throws up 8 times a day.

“What about Jenny? Ask her, she has kids too.” Katie says still holding out hope that he’ll agree to her idea of going borrowing someone’s else's kid for a trial run.

“Jenny lives in the other side of the country and she and her husband work, anyway. They don't have time to host a parenting seminar for me.”

“You have an excuse for everything, don't you?” Katie mutters under her breath. She cast her eyes downwards into the table, seemingly giving up at last. Jamie suddenly feels a little guilty that he's making her feel so defeated.

“Honey, I know you really want this. I'm sorry. I promise that-”

He's cut off when a loud crash interrupts him.

“Oh my God!” Katie shrieks in surprise.

Jamie's feet are suddenly wet. He looks down to see that his once white tennis shoes are now covered in brown liquid. A broken plastic cup, the object that crashed, lies between his feet. Jamie tries to find who threw an iced drink at him, ruining his shoes in the process, but he's unsuccessful.

“What a fucking mess. Why can't people behave civilized for once?” Katie complains and stands up from hair chair, “I'm going to get some paper to clean up. I’ll be right back.”

Jamie stares down at his wet shoes again. He's busy lamenting that he's going to need to throw them out and buy new ones when he feels someone’s stare on him. He looks up and sees a young girl, probably not over six years old, staring at him with her blue eyes wide open in wonder. She’s wearing pink jeans, pink shoes and what looks to be a pink Patriots jersey. Her hair is pulled back in a French braid, making her ears pop up. Those ears… Jamie would know them anywhere. It's obvious that the girl is the one who threw the iced coffee at him. Although she probably was aiming at the trashcan and not at his feet. She stands there looking at him and it seems like she's about to say something when suddenly a man appears in front of her, with his back towards Jamie.

“Hey!” The man yelps, “What is wrong with you? Do you think you're LeBron James or something?”

“Nope. I'm Kyrie Irving,” the girl replies.

“Well, Kyrie, you made a mess. And you ruined this poor guy’s shoes,” the man retorts, signaling at Jamie without turning to look at him. He's more muscular than Jamie remembered, at least from the back, that is. The tattoos are still the same, though and a snapback with the familiar logo sits on top of his head.

“I was about to apologize but you interrupted!” the girl whines.

“We both have to apologize now, you little demon. I am so sorry, man. I don't know what got into her,” Tyler says. He turns around but doesn't actually look at Jamie, just at his shoes. “Oh god, your shoes are so ruined. I swear I lose her out of my sight for like one second and she goes and does this. Unbelievable.” He's talking fast, slurring his speech and he still hasn't looked up at Jamie's face. “I’ll buy you new ones, I promise. Or can give you the cash now if you want. Just let me go an ATM and I’ll give it you.”

“Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal,” Jamie says and hopes Tyler will finally look up at him. He doesn't.

“It is a big deal, man. My kid fucked up your shoes so bad. Oh no, did you walk here? How are you getting home now? This is terrible. I can't believe-”

“It's fine, Tyler,” Jamie says and after hearing his name, his former teammate finally looks at him. Tyler's eyes widen in shock. Jamie stands up from his chair so they're at same eye level. Should he hug Tyler? It kinda feels like he should. But then again, the last hug they shared was so final it feels wrong to even touch each other ever again.

“Jamie...” Tyler gasps. Their eyes lock for the first time in years. Tyler looks dumbfounded. His eyebrows are raised and his mouth is wide open.

“Close your mouth or a fly is gonna get in,” Tyler's daughter (Her name is Audrey, Jamie remembers) says giggling.

“Wow. She laughs just like you,” Jamie says thinking out loud.

“She does a lot of things just like me, actually. Too many, I think,” Tyler replies and kneels down to pick her up in his arms, “This way you won't leave to make more messes.”

Audrey pokes her tongue at Tyler and he returns the gesture.

“It's been forever since I last saw you, dude. How’s everything?” Tyler asks.

“Uh…” Jamie answers unsure. Tyler's ability to act so casual shocks him, “I’ve been good. Jordie retired but other than that it's all been good.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about Jordie. I follow him on Instagram. The other day I saw a picture of his family. His son is cute.”

“Trust me, he's not. All he does is puke. It's like he came out from The Exorcist.”

Tyler's loud laugh is like music to Jamie's ears after not hearing it for so long. “Maybe Jordie and I should start a club for parents of demonic children.”

“Hey, I'm not that bad! I never puke!” Audrey says, feigning offense.

“No, but you do have delusions of being an NBA player. You're a squirrel. You're too short to play professional basketball,” Tyler replies.

“Squirrels can play basketball! Right, sir?” Audrey asks Jamie, putting her big blue eyes on his once again. Jamie has never hated kids but he's not their biggest fan either. Still, there's something about Audrey that makes him really like her. Even after she ruined his favorite shoes.

“Squirrels can do anything they want to, if they try hard enough,” He answers with a smile.

“See? I can be an NBA player. You were wrong, I was right and you owe me a donut.” Audrey gloats and Tyler rolls his eyes with fondness.

“It will have to be from somewhere else because Timmie’s is probably going to ban us forever,” Tyler tells her, bopping her nose with his index finger.

“Sorry I took so long. They didn't have any napkins,” Katie says suddenly stepping next to Jamie. When she notices Tyler and Audrey, she breaks out her brightest smile and squeezes Tyler's shoulder, “Oh my gosh! Tyler! It's so good to see you! It's been so long!”

Tyler looks confused for a second but greets her just as effusively, “It's nice to see you too, Katie! How have you been?”

“Oh, I'm great! Never been better!” Katie says using her usual cheerful tone, one she never used to direct at Tyler. Her smile becomes even bigger when she turns to Audrey, “And who might you be?”

“Audrey, this is my friend Katie.” Tyler says when Audrey doesn't reply. Katie seems unfazed by Tyler calling her his friend but Jamie thinks it's the weirdest thing ever. They never liked each other before. And with good reason.

“Are you my new mommy?” Audrey asks sounding a lot younger than she did minutes before.

Katie chokes on her spit in response.

“Sorry about that. She says it to every woman she meets. She thinks it's hilarious, for some reason.” Tyler apologizes but Jamie can tell he's suppressing laughter.

“No worries. I know how kids can be,” Katie says smiling again, “Speaking of kids, I wonder if I could ask you for a favor…”

A million emotions flash across Tyler's face. He's probably scared of what Katie's going to ask him. Jamie is a little scared too. He has no idea what Tyler could possibly do for his wife. Except… oh no.

“Umm… yeah sure,” Tyler answers sounding anything but sure, “What can I do for you?”

Jamie's disappointed Tyler didn't get the telepathic message he was trying to send. “Say no! Don't let her ask you!”

“Well, you see the thing is, I've been trying to convince Jamie that it's time for us to start a family. Because it definitely is time. We’ve been married for five year's already! I’ve been nagging him about it nonstop for months now but he refuses to have a baby. He is terrified of it,” Katie complains.

“He is terrified of babies?” Tyler asks in a way that Katie might read as interest but Jamie knows is pure mockery.

“I'm not terrified of babies! I just-”

“He keeps saying he's not ready but I think he is. He's just scared, that's all.” Katie interrupts him.

Tyler hums pensively and narrows his eyes in thought, “So… what's the favor?”

“Well, you seem to have a pretty good handle on the whole fatherhood thing. So I was thinking… you and Jamie could get together for lunch or dinner or just to hang out, if you want. You guys can catch up, have a few beers, and maybe you can give Jamie a few tips, show him that having a child is not the end of the world?”

Tyler's eyes are still narrowed pensively.

“Katie, I'm sure Tyler is busy and doesn't have the time to-”

“No, I can do it!” Tyler interrupts him, “I have this thing at BioSteel today but I'm free tomorrow.”

“Perfect!” Katie says, clasping her hands together, “Is your phone number still the same?”

It's not. Jamie knows because Tyler probably changed it after he kept getting drunk calls from him the months after he left Dallas.

Tyler gives his current number to Katie and she writes it down. Jamie feels incredibly awkward. It's almost like when he was a kid and his mom arranged play dates for him. Except now it's his wife making the arrangements and his play date is with someone he used to be in love with. No big deal.

“Jamie will call you later so you guys can arrange it better, okay?” Katie says after she writes down Tyler's number. God, this is so embarrassing.

“Alright, then. I guess I’ll be waiting for your call, dude,” Tyler says clapping Jamie's shoulder. It's not soft or romantic in the slightest, but Jamie gets goosebumps from his touch, anyway. “I gotta go now. That BioSteel thing I mentioned is at 2 o'clock. Say goodbye, honey,” Tyler tell his daughter.

“Bye! Sorry I ruined your shoes!” Audrey says waving her little hand effusively.

“Bye, sweetie!” Katie beams.

Jamie just waves back and watches them leave. This whole ordeal has been weird to say the least.

“Wasn't she adorable? Such a cute kid,” Katie says.

“I can't believe you did that,” Jamie replies.

“Did what?” She replies innocently.

“You know what! Asking Tyler to give me advice on parenthood. What were you thinking?” Jamie mutters and walks out the restaurant’s door. The last thing he wants is to make a scene in public.

Katie follows him outside and hails a cab. “I don't know why you're so upset, Jamie. You and Tyler used to be great friends,” she says after giving instructions to the driver.

“The key word here is ‘used to be’. I haven't talked to him in five years, Katie. Doesn't that tell you something?”

“Yeah, it tells me you're an apprehensive doofus. It's been a long time, Jamie. Don't you think it's time to bury the hatchet and just… let it go?”

Letting go of Tyler is exactly what Jamie did when he walked away that fateful night in December. But his wife obviously doesn't know about that and he has no plans of telling her.

“Since when are you Tyler Seguin’s number one fan, anyway?” Jamie wonders, “You hated him when we were still friends.”

“I did not hate him. I just thought he was a bad influence on you.”

“And now you think he's a good influence?”

“Yes! You saw him with his kid! He's doing such a great job with her.”

Jamie snorts. “She threw an ice cap at me. Ruined my shoes.”

“Alright, she a little wild, I’ll give you that.” Katie admits, “But she could be far worse than that. Don't act like you didn't think she was cute.”

“She wasn't terrible,” Jamie replies. It's not much of an admission but Katie still beams at him.

“You're going to call Tyler and you’re going to have fun with him and his daughter tomorrow. And you're going to love it so much, you’ll come home and put a baby in me ASAP.”

The cab driver chokes on his spit and coughs it out, clearly mortified by her blunt words. “Uhh- We’re here.”

Jamie pays him and leaves a generous tip.

“You're really weird, you know that right?” Jamie says to Katie with a smile.

“Yeah, but you love me anyway,” she says and gives him a soft kiss. She’s right, Jamie does love her. But he is still not sure about they’re ready to be parents. “Promise me you’re going to call Seguin and give it a shot.”

“Katie, I-”

“Promise me, Jamie.” She says looking sternly into his eyes.

“Fine,” he sighs, “I’ll call him tonight. Would that make you happy?”

“The happiest,” She squeals and presses her lips to his, “In fact, I’m so happy that I feel we should practice for when we start the baby making,”

“Oh, really?” he asks and she nods seductively, “I wouldn't mind that kind of practice.”

 

* * *

 

“Why do we have to eat vegetables? They're yucky,” Audrey sighs poking her dinner with her fork.

“Because they're good for you. Don't be a brat, they don't taste so bad.” Tyler counters. He's gotten pretty good at cooking broccoli. He’d even go as far as saying it's his specialty.

“They look like trees. We are supposed to plant trees, not eat them.” She says.

“We also aren't supposed to eat pizza for dinner every night.”

“But why?” Audrey whines. She's currently at that age where she asks a lot of questions. She seems to want to know everything about everything.

“Pizza is not in my diet plan, sweetie. I can't play hockey if I get fat.”

“But it's the offseason, daddy! Please. I don't wanna eat the trees,” she pouts and throws him her best puppy eyes.

“I’ll tell you what: if you eat your veggies right now, we can have pizza tomorrow. How does that sound?” His proposal works and Audrey starts eating her broccoli with enthusiasm, “See? They're not that bad.”

Audrey shrugs in response but Tyler knows she actually enjoys vegetables. She's just being a brat about it because that's the way she's acting lately. Tyler thinks he may know the reason but he doesn't want to bring it up. Rachel had been complaining about Audrey's behavior for months but he didn't make much of it. He knows Rachel’s patience has always been thin but she wasn't wrong when she said their daughter had been acting strangely. Audrey has always been a mischievous kid but now it's more notorious. He cringes when he remembers about the Tim Horton’s incident.

Audrey puts her plate in the sink when she finishes her dinner. He draws her a bath while she watches TV for a while. After her bath, it's time for bed and for one of Tyler's usual bedtime stories. They're mostly about talking dogs that have wild adventures.  Audrey seems to have inherited his passion for dogs which is convenient for him because it's easy to make up stories about them.

“What's tonight's story gonna be about, daddy?” She asks him, once she's tucked in bed.

He tells her a story about two dogs that used to be best friends when they were puppies but then one of them had to move away. He barely even registers that he's basically telling a metaphor of his relationship with Jamie until he realizes he hasn't come up with a good ending. Fortunately, Audrey falls asleep pretty quickly and he's free to leave the story without a conclusion.

It's barely eight thirty. Still early. Still enough time for Jamie to call. Tyler's not even sure that's a call he wants to get. Seeing Jamie today for the first time in years was crazy. It took Tyler completely by surprise. Jamie looked good. Really good. He had the same stocky build and his arms were still incredibly muscular. His hair had grown a lot longer since the last time he'd seen him. It was almost the same length as it was 10 years ago, when he and Tyler first met. Tyler always envied Jamie's ability to grow his hair. Especially now that they were older. Tyler had to use a variety of hair products to avoid baldness at 31, while Jamie was three years older than him and showed no signs of hair loss.

He's busy examining his hairline in the mirror when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

He takes a deep breath before answering, “Hello?”

“Um, hi. This is Jamie. Jamie Benn. You - uh- gave me your phone this afternoon?”

“Dude, I know who you are,” Tyler says with a chuckle.

“Right. Of course you do, I just didn't know if you remembered or…” Jamie's being his usual awkward self. A lot has changed but after all this time, Jamie is still a huge dork.

“It was like six hours ago, bro. Do you think I got a bad memory or something?” he teases trying to move past the awkwardness.

“What if you’ve gotten too many concussions, Segs? I had be sure.” Jamie says leaving the awkwardness behind.

“No concussions. My brain still works just fine.”

“Please. It’s never worked fine.” Jamie joked with more fluidity this time.

“Ouch. You’ve gotten a lot better at comebacks, dude,” Tyler says. He knows it’s unlikely that his friendship with Jamie will ever be as great as it used to. Still, it doesn't hurt to try. “So… you want me to teach all about fatherhood?”

“Yeah, something like that. You don’t mind, do you? Because you totally don't have to do this,” Jamie babbles.

“No worries, man. It’s not a big deal. I have to take Audrey shopping for some things at the mall tomorrow. It’s bound to be a wild fatherhood adventure so why don't you come with us? You can experience the craziness firsthand and I can buy you new shoes.” Tyler suggests and hopes Jamie agrees. He knows nothing will ever happen between them and it's fine cause that's not something he wants anymore. He lost his best friend because of his stupid feelings and now he just wants him back. Even if they're just friends.

“Alright. That sounds good. Do I meet you at the mall or…?” Jamie asks.

“Nah, I’ll text you my address and we'll get there together. You should come by around 10:30. Sound good?”

“Yeah, that's cool. I’ll see you at 10:30, tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, bro.” Tyler replies and hangs up.

This can only end in an absolute success (he and Jamie recover their friendship) or in a devastating catastrophe (Tyler falls in love with Jamie again and becomes miserable again). But Tyler's willing to risk it. He hopes it's good. He’s gonna teach Jamie how be a good dad and it's gonna be kickass.

The morning can't come soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed or also if you think it's teriible and that I can't write for shit.  
> Just let me know what you think of this lmao.  
> Btw, Im on tumblr as mexicankennedy so hit me up if you want to talk about anything


	5. All I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me this long to update. I don't even have a good excuse other than the fact that I'm lazy af and that my depression sometimes makes me postpone doing the things I enjoy for some weird reason.  
> Anyway, the Dallas Stars have won three games in a row for the first time this season and to celebrate here's chapter 5.

Of all the Tim Horton’s in all of Canada, Jamie had to walk into the one Tyler was in. He wishes Katie hadn't been so insistent about forcing a reunion with his former teammate. It’s so overwhelming, Jamie can’t stop twisting and turning all night.  He barely gets any sleep before Katie wakes him up in the morning before she leaves for work. He takes his time getting dressed.  It's not like he wants to impress Tyler but Jamie was always self-conscious when it came to comparing his wardrobe to Tyler's. He settles for a loose t-shirt that will hopefully conceal how sweaty he’ll get in the awful summer heat.

Tyler's apartment building is in downtown Toronto, just a couple miles away from the hotel Jamie and Katie are staying at. The cab ride takes a few minutes but Jamie wishes it was longer. He's anxious and he honestly doesn't feel prepared to deal with Tyler and all his... Tyler-ness for a whole day. It takes a lot of courage just to finally knock on the apartment door. It's Audrey who opens the door in her pajamas. She smiles at him broadly.

“Dad! The guy from Tim Horton’s is here!” Audrey calls out.

Tyler comes rushing wearing a red frilly apron. “What did I tell you about opening the door to strangers?” He scolds his daughter.

“But he's not a stranger! He's the guy from Tim Horton’s!” She whines.

“Did you know that before you opened the door?” Tyler asks.

“Um, no. But-”

“No buts, young lady. Go get dressed. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Audrey nods and she runs to her room.

“Am I too early? You said 10:30,” Jamie says, stepping inside the apartment.

“Nah, I'm just a little behind schedule. Did you have breakfast already? I’m making omelets.” Tyler says, leading him into the kitchen.

“Omelets? For real?” Jamie remembers Tyler's cooking being less than stellar and even a little dangerous.

“For real, dude! Omelets are totally my specialty. Audrey loves them. You want one?”

“Sure,” Jamie says. The nerves had made him nauseous and he didn't eat before leaving, “I hope your cooking abilities have improved since the last time you tried making an omelet.”

“Oh, trust me. They absolutely have,” Tyler answers with a smirk and then flips the pan expertly. “Don't look so impressed, man. I have a kid now. Can’t exactly feed her mac and cheese three times a day.”

“I would looove having mac and cheese three times a day! Every day!” Audrey says walking into the kitchen.

“Eat your omelet, squirrel,” Tyler says handing her a plate. He hands one to Jamie too and takes one for himself.

Jamie takes a bite and help the sound of delight that escapes his mouth. It tastes way better than he expected.

“I told you they were my specialty,” Tyler says still smirking.

“How the hell did you get so good at cooking? You went from kitchen nightmare to legit chef,” Jamie says, still bewildered by it all.

“Practice makes perfect, bro,” Tyler replies, mouth still full with eggs, “Also, I took some cooking classes.”

“Is that where you got the apron?” Jamie asks him, pointing to Tyler's outfit and giggling.

“Laugh all you want but it stops me from making a mess all over my clothes,” he replies.

“There weren't any options that were… more masculine?”

“Shut up, dude. My mom gave it to me,” Tyler says, also giggling, “Besides, I think I look fantastic.”

“I think so too, dad,” Audrey says and Tyler twirls in response.

“Honey, please take the dog out before we leave,” Tyler tells her.

“Dog?” Jamie says, surprised at the singular use of the word.

“Yes! I’ll bring him out so you can meet him,” Audrey says and runs somewhere out of the kitchen. She comes back followed by a familiar black dog, “This is our dog Cash. He's a very good boy. Yes, he is,” She says with a puppy voice very similar to Tyler's.

Jamie kneels down to pet Cash, who sniffs him and barks in recognition. He lets Cash lick him and slob all over his face.

“He really likes you!” Audrey says laughing.

“I guess he missed me. Where's Marshall, though?” Jamie asks. Audrey stops laughing abruptly and Tyler's smile falters.

“Marshall isn't with us anymore. He crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and now he's in dog heaven,” Audrey explains.

“Marshall died?” He exclaims. That can't be possible.

“He was old, dude. We had to… put him down,” Tyler says, the pain clear as day in his voice.

“I’m so sorry, Tyler. I know how important he was to you,” Jamie says standing up. He wants to hug Tyler but he knows it would be awkward as hell. He settles for a pat on the shoulder which still a little awkward, but considerably less intimate. Intimacy is the last thing he wants with Tyler.

“It's fine, Jamie. He wasn't gonna live forever I knew that. So did Audrey. Right, hon?” Tyler says.

Audrey nods. “We were still very sad when it happened. Dad cried more than I did,” she whispers to Jamie.

“I heard that. And yeah, I cried for weeks. I’m not ashamed about it,” Tyler says and ruffles her hair, “Now, go take Cash out to pee before he dies too.”

Audrey leaves to the balcony with Cash running beside her.

“I still can’t believe Marshall died,” Jamie says, “He was such an awesome dog.”

“He was, wasn't he?” Tyler smiles at the floor, “It’s too bad he couldn't live forever.”

“I remember when he first arrived to Dallas. Your mood improved like a 100% after that,” Jamie says. Reminiscing about Tyler’s first year in Dallas usually hurts but now that he’s doing it with Tyler with him it’s not as bad. It’s still bittersweet but not painful.

“Dogs make everything better, dude,” Tyler replies, “Audrey wants to get a new puppy, but I don’t know. I feel like it’s too soon.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable.”

“What about you? You still have that diabetic cat?”

“No, diabetic cats don’t live too long either. He’s in cat heaven now. Crossed over the- what was it called?” Jamie says.

“The rainbow bridge. I didn't make that up. I read it somewhere and then I added it to a bedtime story I told Audrey. She loved it so it stuck,” Tyler says with a shrug.

Although at first it didn't seem like it, Jamie can now tell that Katie was right. Tyler does have a pretty good grip on the whole fatherhood thing. He looks happy too, fulfilled in a way that he wasn’t before.

“Cash did his business, can we go now?” Audrey pleads when she comes back to the kitchen.

“Did you clean it up?” Tyler asks and she nods in response, “Then we can go now.”

Tyler takes off his silly apron and hangs it inside the cupboard. They leave the apartment and head to the mall in Tyler’s Land Rover.

“I’m surprised you didn't get a minivan,” Jamie chirps him as he slides into the copilot seat.

“Dude, please. I’ll get a minivan the day I want my balls to spontaneously fall off,” He replies and drives them to the Eaton Centre, the closest mall.

“So what exactly are you looking to buy?” Jamie asks Tyler once they're inside the mall. It’s more crowded than Jamie would like, especially when he’s accompanied by a child who could run off at any given moment.

“Mostly clothes for the gremlin. I might make fun of her height a lot but the truth is she growing taller by the second.” Tyler answers, “We can hit Gap kids and the Children’s Place and we should be set.”

“Daddy, don’t forget we also need to buy the stuff for our trip!” Audrey says, “The camping store is on the second floor.”

“Camping store?” Jamie asks.

“Yeah, I’m taking Audrey on a camping trip in Quebec next week,” Tyler explains.

“He’s finally gonna teach me how to fish!” Audrey says, clapping with excitement.

“That sounds like fun,” Jamie tells her, returning her smile. God, she really smiles just like Tyler.

“Do you know to fish, Jamie?” she asks him.

“Uh, yeah I do. But I’m not very good at it.” He replies, thinking about the time Tyler invited him on one of his fishing trips and he made a fool of himself, almost falling into the river.

“I would have thought that being from B.C. you would be more skilled in the arts of fishing,” Tyler adds, clearly also thinking about Jamie’s past failures.

“Jordie was always the more outdoorsy one, you knew that,” Jamie says.

“Who’s Jordie?” Audrey asks.

“Jordie is my older brother,” he answers her.

“Oh. I don't have any brothers but I’m about to get a sister. But she’s not really my sister. Not for real.”

“What are you talking about? Of course she’s going to be your sister for real,” Tyler says in confusion.

“Same mom, different dad so not my real sister,” Audrey argues.

“I... you know what, we’ll talk about this later. Right now let’s focus on shopping, alright?” Tyler says, clearly baffled by his daughter’s statements.

They walk inside the store and Tyler collecting clothes of the racks. He hands them to Audrey and tells her to come out of the dressing room to show him if they fit.

“Remember not to talk to anyone, munchkin. Stranger danger and all that, okay?” Tyler tells her and she leaves to try the clothes on. “Did I tell you some weird lady tried to kidnap her once?”

“Seriously?” Jamie asks in shock, “How did that happen?”

“We were at Whole Foods back in Boston. I turned away from our shopping cart for one second and this middle aged lady took the chance to steal it. Audrey was in the cart and she was a lot younger so she didn't scream or anything. I was lucky that I saw her in time.”

“That sounds really scary. Was Rachel mad at you?”

“She would have been, if I had told her. I don’t want her to think I’m not careful enough,” Tyler says with a sigh, “The worse part was that the crazy lady tried to play it as if Audrey was hers and I was the one trying to steal her. And then, the idiot security guards took one look at me and my tattoos and figured I was some kind of child trafficking gang member.”

“Wait, they actually believed the crazy lady?” Jamie interjects, baffled by what Tyler is telling him. He thinks it’s outrageous that anyone would mistake Tyler for a criminal. Tyler’s always been one of the least threatening guy he knows.

“Yeah, it was so frustrating, man. You have no idea,” Tyler replies, “Fortunately, the store’s manager recognized me and explained to the security guards that professional hockey players don’t go around stealing children for fun.”

Audrey comes out dressed with red pants and a red shirt. She walks out of the dressing room with a strut, as if she was a model on the runway. She even flips her hair with exaggeration. Jamie can’t help but laugh a little.

“Very nice, gremlin. I like it. You look like a chili.” Tyler tells her and it’s clearly the right to say because she smiles broadly and runs back to the dressing room.

“No offense, but what’s with the monochromatic outfits?” Jamie asks Tyler. Yesterday it was all pink; today it’s blue and now she’s buying red.

“To be honest... I got no fucking clue,” Tyler says with a chuckle, “It’s just something she likes to do and I like letting her do it. Let’s call this the first parenting tip I’ll give you: It’s alright to indulge your kid sometimes when it comes to certain things.”

“What does that even mean?” Jamie says, not getting it. This is why he’s clearly not ready to be a dad.

“It’s simple. Harmless stuff like outfits is fine. If she says she wants to dress like that, then I’ll allow it. But if she says she wants to eat a bag of Cheetos for lunch, I won’t. I can’t let her eat whatever she wants. If I did, she’d be a diabetic midget with a life expectancy of 25. Food is important, dude.”

Jamie feels like maybe he should write that down but he doesn't want to seem like a loser. Still, he makes a mental note to google what stuff you’re allowed to feed babies.

“School is also important. Can’t indulge her in that either. Although, that’s more of Rachel’s department because she’s the one has her on most school days.” Tyler adds.

“You get her on weekends and the summer?” Jamie asks. He never found out their custody arrangement was.

“Pretty much, yeah. But that’ll change now that Rachel is pregnant. She wants to get stressed as less as possible, and raising Audrey has never been a walk in the park for her,” Tyler explains.

Audrey walks out again, doing the same exaggerated fashion model imitation. This time she’s dressed in all green.

“Ah, this one is cute. You look like a very pretty… vegetable,” Tyler says but this time it seems like he said the wrong thing.

Audrey’s smile falls. “A vegetable? Vegetables are yucky, dad,” she whines.

“Green is still a very nice color, though,” Jamie intervenes, “It’s actually my favorite.”

“Really?” Audrey asks, her face lighting up again.

“Yeah, I even wear green clothes most of the time,” he says. Obviously he wears green because that’s the uniform and he doesn't have a choice. But Audrey doesn't need to know that.

“Okay then, I want to wear green too,” she says smiling and runs back to the dressing room.

“Nice save,” Tyler says, “I forgot she’s going through a ‘Fuck Vegetables’ phase.”

“It’s no problem. I’m actually surprised it worked,” Jamie admits, “I’m not very good interacting with kids.”

“I disagree. I can tell she likes you. Which is saying something because she’s kind of picky when it comes to people.”

“She doesn't seem like it.”

“Trust me, she is. She hates the majority of my friends. She once told Del Zotto that he smelled like dog poop. And she told Mike Stud that he wasn’t a good singer. He hasn't spoken to me since,” Tyler says, not looking too beaten up about it.

“That’s really petty of him. She’s just a kid,” Jamie says.

“I think he thought she was repeating something I said. I don't really care anyway. I outgrew that friendship a while ago.”

Audrey comes out again, this time dressed in yellow. Tyler tells her she looks a like cute little chicken and she beams and goes back to change again.

“She really likes the people who matter more. Like Marchy. She loves him to death and he loves her just as much.”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t convince her to join the ‘Jamie Benn Hate Club’ he founded himself,” Jamie says. In the years after his fallout with Tyler, Marchand has been unbearable whenever they face off on the ice. He was never friendly to begin with but after that he was downright spiteful.

Tyler doubles over with laughter. “‘The Jamie Benn Hate Club’! That’s hilarious, bro,” He says before he continues laughing, “He’s not the president, though. That would be Hitch.”

“Right. I’m guessing Baker doesn’t like me too much either?”

“Nah, Baker doesn’t care anymore. He’s too focused on hockey to hold a grudge. But seriously, Hitch might never forgive you for hurting his boyfriend.”

“His what?” Jamie choked. Before Tyler can answer, Audrey comes out with the last outfit, a purple dress.

“I don’t usually like dresses but this one’s pretty,” She tells them.

“If you like it then we’ll buy it,” Tyler says smiling at her. She leaves to get her clothes and they head to the counter to pay.

“So… Hitch and Baker are…” Jamie doesn’t know how to even ask.

“Gay for each other? Yeah totally,” Tyler answers, “They’ve been together for almost five years.”

“Wow. That’s a long time.” Jamie says. It’s almost as long as and Katie have been married.

“Uncle Kevin and Uncle Andrew love each other,” Audrey adds, “It’s supposed to be secret so don’t tell anyone, Jamie.”

“Don’t worry, munchkin. He’ll keep the secret,” Tyler says. Jamie’s glad that even after five years, Tyler knows well enough to know he won’t go around outing other players.

Once Tyler pays at the counter, they head to Gap Kids to buy more clothes. They take a little longer there because they struggle more to put together monochromatic outfits. After that whole debacle, Audrey declares she’s hungry so they go to the food court to get lunch. Audrey gulps an entire cup of lemonade by herself which makes her want pee immediately after she’s done.

“Are you gonna let her go to the bathroom by herself?” Jamie asks, confused about how Tyler could accompany her when they can’t go inside the same restroom.

“So another crazy lady can steal her again? No thanks. It’s time for Operation Blindness.” Tyler says.

“What is that?” Jamie asks again, still confused.

“It’s when dad takes me to the bathroom and I have to act blind so I don’t see the men’s pee- pees.” Audrey explains to him.

They take Audrey to the men’s restroom but cover her eyes until she’s inside the stall.

“It used to be worse when she was a baby. There are only diaper changing stations in the women’s bathroom.” Tyler says.

“For real? How the hell did you manage?”

“Well, at first I tried doing it without the table but it didn't work out so well and I was always terrified of dropping Audrey to the floor. So later on, I decided the ladies were just gonna have to suck it up and deal with me.”

“You went inside the women’s restroom?” Jamie asks amused.

“Multiple times, yeah. They usually stopped freaking out once they figured I was just there to change my baby’s diaper. My parenting skills impressed a lot of them. I got a ton of phone numbers at the bathroom,” Tyler says smugly.

Audrey finishes her business and comes of the stall. She washes her hands with Tyler’s help because she can’t reach the sink and her eyes are still closed.

Tyler mentions they need to buy Audrey some shoes. Apparently, her feet grow at an exponential rate and she can’t keep a pair of shoes for longer than two months. She gets some colorful sandals and a pair of sneakers that light up.

“Will my feet ever be as big as your daddy?” Audrey asks carefully examining the size of her left foot.

“Hopefully not, gremlin. That would be freaky,” Tyler says and Jamie agrees. Tyler always had unusually large feet. 

After much insistence, Jamie finally gives in and allows Tyler to buy him a new pair of shoes to replace the ones Audrey ruined. They’re very similar to the old one but the fact that Tyler bought them for him makes Jamie like the new ones better.

Afterwards, they walk to the camping store where Tyler takes out a checklist of things they need for the trip. Apparently, even though the trip is next week, they don’t have any camping gear at all. They get the basics like a tent, flashlights and sleeping bags and also a ton of other stuff like insect repellent, water bottles, backpacks, a compass, bear spray and even a set of pocket knives.

“Do you even know how to use them?” Jamie asks Tyler, who assures him that he is a total knife expert. Jamie severely doubts that, so he makes sure to add a first aid kit to the shopping cart.

They take a long time in the camping store because Tyler is apparently the most indecisive man in the planet when it comes to camping gear. He keeps asking questions the store clerk has no answer to and it takes him almost 45 minutes to decide which tent he wants to buy.

“This is important! It needs to be the best quality possible. What if it starts raining and the tent gets destroyed?” Tyler ponders with a lot of hand waving involved.

“I’m pretty sure that would only happen if you were dealing with acid rain,” Jamie says laughing at his former teammate’s overt precaution.

Audrey is also terribly indecisive, especially when it comes to colors.

“I don't know if I like the pink one or the purple one better. Which one do you like, Jamie?” She asks him with two backpacks in her hand.

“I like the purple one better,” he tells her, hoping it will help her decide faster.

“Hmmm... let me see if I can find a green one,” She replies and goes off to search for another backpack.

It takes them hours before they finally get to pay. They carry all the stuff to the car and by the time they get to Tyler’s apartment, it’s already seven o clock.

When they go inside, there’s a blond man standing in the middle of Tyler’s living room.

“Kenneth!” Tyler exclaims, clearly not expecting the man’s presence, “What are you doing here?”

“I was able to book a flight earlier and I thought I’d surprise my bae,” the man, Kenneth, says and kisses Tyler. His voice is high pitched and he’s using an accent that Jamie can’t place, “Where were you all day?”

“We went shopping for our camping trip next week,” Tyler explains.

“For lord’s sake, I still can’t figure out what is it about leaving civilization that could possibly interest you,” Kenneth says shaking his head. He suddenly notices Jamie standing beside Tyler, “And who might you be?”

“Oh, sorry that was rude of me,” Tyler apologizes, “Kenneth, this is Jamie Benn. We used to play together in Dallas.”

“Aaah, another hockey player. Nice to meet you, Jamie. I’m Kenneth Rivers. Tyler’s boyfriend,” He says as he shakes Jamie’s hand. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Jamie says, trying to keep his tone neutral. He shouldn't be upset at finding out Tyler has a boyfriend. It’s been five years. He should be glad Tyler moved on.

“I was thinking we could go out and have a nice dinner before making love all night,” Kenneth says putting his arms around Tyler’s neck. He’s clearly forgotten about Jamie’s presence. And Audrey’s, who has a puzzled look on her face, probably wondering what making love even means.

“Uhhh… that sounds very nice, Kenneth but it’s too late for me to get a babysitter,” Tyler says uncomfortably.

“Oops! I forgot you had your kid with you. Hello there, little one,” he says waving at Audrey who only frowns in response, “Oh, I have a great idea! Why doesn’t your friend Jamie here babysit for us?”

“Jamie’s got to get home now. I can’t ask him to stay to babysit,” Tyler says.

“No, I can do it,” Jamie says. He wants Tyler to know he’s cool with his relationship and everything, “I’ll call Katie; I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Are you sure? Audrey gets a little difficult at night.” Tyler ads.

“It’s fine. It’ll be good practice.”

“Practice for what?” Kenneth asks, raising one eyebrow, or what’s left of it. Kenneth seems to love tweezers a little too much.

“It’s a long story, I’ll explain later. Let me just put the stuff away and then we can go,” Tyler tells him. 

While Tyler places the shopping bags in the supply closet, Jamie calls Katie. As he predicted, she doesn't mind him staying to babysit. In fact, she’s thrilled about it.

“I hope you’re already changing your mind, baby,” she says to him.

Tyler and Kenneth leave for their date, after Tyler gives all the important instructions to Jamie.

Audrey sits at the kitchen counter staring at Jamie.

“Your dad mentioned he promised you pizza for dinner. Should I order one or do you want me to cook you something?” he asks her.

“Yeah, cook me something.” Audrey answers, with a smile.

Jamie wasn’t expecting that. “Ummm, what would you like me to cook?”

“Anything is fine. Surprise me!” She says making finger guns at him, “I’m gonna shower while dinner is ready.”

Jamie’s not new to cooking to feed a Seguin. He used to do it all the time. But that Seguin wasn’t four years old and he was considerably less picky than Audrey. Also, he used to cook in his own kitchen, where he knew where everything was. Now, he has to settle for the ingredients he can find and the tools at his disposal. He ends up making grilled cheese sandwiches that would make Claude Giroux proud. Jamie realizes it’s probably not a very healthy dinner and makes some veggies to put on the side. He’s probably not winning any chef competitions any time soon but dinner looks decent enough.

Audrey seems to agree. “I love grilled cheese!” she beams. Jamie’s worried she’ll throw a fit over the veggies he added but she eats them just as animatedly. “You’re a good chef, Jamie.”

“You really think so?”

Audrey nods effusively, “You even made the gross veggies taste good! Dad always overcooks them.”

“I’ll let him know so he’ll cook them better next time,” Jamie says as he washes the dishes.

“I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Can’t you just… move in with us and cook my veggies forever?”

Jamie can’t but laugh at that. “I can’t do that. My wife would miss me too much.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were married,” Audrey says looking disappointed, “Maybe your wife can move in too.”

He pictures it for a second. Living with Tyler and Katie in some sort of polyamorous marriage. He shudders at the thought. “I don’t think so, Audrey.”

Tyler told him he usually allows Audrey to watch some T.V before bed so they head to the couch to watch some cartoons. Jamie puts on a show about some talking ponies but Audrey doesn’t seem too invested in it.

“Hey, you got tattoos too!” She exclaims pointing at his arm, “Can I color them? Please?”

When Jamie says yes, she runs off to get her markers and jumps on the couch when she returns. She places her tiny fingers all over his forearm and tries to get all the spots filled with color. She seems very happy and entertained so Jamie doesn't complain.  After an hour, she tells him she’s done. His arm now looks like something out of a Disney movie but he smiles and tells her he loves it and that she did a great job. He looks at the clock and realizes that it’s already past Audrey’s bedtime. They go to her room and he tucks her in bed, somewhere between a dozen stuffed animals. He’s about to leave the room when she calls him over.

“Wait! I need you to tell me a bedtime story!” She says and oh no. Tyler didn't mention anything about bedtime stories.

“Uhh okay, where are the books?” Jamie asks looking around trying to find one.

“Don’t be silly. You don't need a book. Daddy always makes up the stories himself.”

“He does?” she nods in response, “Well, what kind of stories do you like? Fairytales with princesses and stuff?

“What? No! Princesses are boring, Jamie. I like stories about dogs.”

“Dogs? Oh, okay. Give me a second to come up with something,” he tells her. But he’s definitely gonna need more than a second. He’s the least creative person in the world! How the hell is he going to make up a story about dogs that’s interesting enough for a four year old? He remembers something they told him in high school English class about how it’s always best when you write what you know. He’s just gonna have to wing it.  “Okay, so once upon a time, there were two dogs who lived on a prairie-”

“What were their names?” She interrupts.

“Um, their names were… Phillip and Randolph and they were-”

“What kind of a name is Randolph?” Audrey sneers. It’s actually Jamie’s middle name but he’s not about to tell her that.

“They were weird dogs. Anyways, they were brothers and they lived on a prairie with all the other animals. They were very happy dogs and played all the time. Then, one day, a new dog arrived at the prairie. His old family had abandoned him and he was very sad and lonely.”

“What was the new dog’s name?” Audrey asks.

“His name was…”  he considers using Tyler’s middle name but he guesses it’s also not  very dog appropriate, “His name was Spike and he used to be a fun dog until his family abandoned him.”

“Why did they do that?” Audrey interrupts again.

“He was a good dog but he’d done some bad things against the rules. Like peeing inside the house or eating a pair of shoes, that kind of stuff. Anyways, now that he was at the prairie he was always feeling down. So the other dogs, Phillip and Randolph,” God, they are ridiculous names. Why did Jamie named them that? “They felt bad for him so they decided to be his friends. Spike liked having new friends and little by little he stopped being sad. He and the other dogs played every day and they all liked each other very much.”

“And what happened?” Audrey asks.

“Nothing. They were friends forever and they lived happily ever after.”

“That’s it?” she asks, and he shrugs, “You’re not very good at this, Jamie.”

“Sorry, Audrey. I don't usually have to tell bedtime stories.”

“It’s alright. You’ll get better at it,” She says before she yawns loudly, “Goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Audrey.”  He replies before turning the light off and leaving the room.

He decides to watch some T.V. while he waits for Tyler to come back home but after watching half an episode of a rerun of Seinfeld, he falls asleep. Some time later, he is waken up by Tyler shaking him.

“Wake up, dude. Sorry I took so long. Kenneth lives in L.A. and I hadn't seen him in a while. Did the gremlin give you any trouble? Tyler asks. His clothes look ruffled and his hair is messy. It’s pretty clear what he was up to tonight.

“Don’t worry about it, man” Jamie says rubbing his eyes. “And Audrey was fine. Although she didn’t like my bedtime story.”

“Ouch,” Tyler says chuckling, “Hopefully your kid won’t be as picky as mine when it comes to their pre sleep entertainment.”

Jamie chuckles too and stands up from the couch. “I should get going. It’s pretty late.”

“Yeah, sorry about that again. I ordered you an uber already, so don’t worry about hailing a taxi at this hour.” Tyler says. The uber arrives a few minutes later and Tyler walks Jamie to the street.

“Thanks for today. It was fun,” Jamie tells him before getting inside the car.

“Yeah, I hope you learned a lot. And I hope you’ve changed your mind about having kids. I know it seems scary but it’s actually the best feeling in the world. You’ll see,” Tyler says earnestly.

“Let’s hope so,” Jamie sighs, “I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Yeah, totally.”

“I mean it, Tyler. Don’t be a stranger.”

Something flashes on Tyler’s face. Suddenly, he steps closer to Jamie and hugs him. Jamie had vowed not to be so close to Tyler ever again. But now that he’s pressed up against him, he realizes what a mistake that was. Jamie hugs him back and lets himself enjoy the closeness he hadn’t known since five years ago. Tyler still smells as great as he did back then. He might be older and slightly more muscular but hugging him still feels soft and feels just right. After all this time, they still fit against each other perfectly.

“I won’t be a stranger, I promise,” Tyler says into his ear, “I’ll text you tomorrow, alright.”

“Yeah, alright,” Jamie replies. He realizes the hug has lasted longer than what’s probably acceptable so he breaks it off to get inside the car.

“Bye, Jamie,” Tyler says waving his hand.

“Bye, Tyler,” he says and shuts door before the uber drives him back to the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that had a lot of grammar mistakes. It took me really long to write this so I didn't proofread it at all.  
> Please leave a comment below if you enjoyed or if you have any observations.  
> Once again: I remind you that my tumblr is mexicankennedy, if you guys want to motivate me (or pressure me) to write faster lol.


	6. Here We Go Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a century but I'm about to start my midterms and it appears I can only write when I SHOULD NOT be writing. Anyways, this chapter is relatively short and it wasn't proofread and I apologize for that. I apologize in general lmao.  
> My tumblr is mexicankennedy so feel free to hit me up with anon hate for my lack of updating.

The thing about being a single parent is that it's a little lonely. It's not like Tyler is miserable. He loves spending time with Audrey, he really does. But sometimes it gets tiring when your only company is a four year old. Also, having a kid can complicate a guy's love life. Most girls think it's cute that's he’s a dad but usually it's only for one night stands, not in the long run. Men don't seem to mind, although it doesn't exactly bring them all knocking at his door. Kenneth is the first guy he's been with for more than just a night. Six months to be precise. Tyler likes Kenneth, even if he's not much of a children person. Audrey has never been discreet about her distaste for him.

“You shouldn't have left with the lizard man yesterday,” she tells him in the morning.

“His name is Kenneth, Audrey,” Tyler replies. His relationship with Kenneth isn't very serious yet but if they ever get there, Audrey's attitude might become an issue.

“I don't care. He looks like a lizard and I don't like him. You shouldn't have hanged out with him, daddy,” she declares stubbornly. He remembers the advice he gave Jamie yesterday about indulging kids and sighs deeply.

“And why is that, munchkin?” He asks her. He almost genuinely wonders why she doesn't like Kenneth until he realizes that he's not dumping his boyfriend just because a child tells him to.

“You should have stayed with me and Jamie. He made grilled cheese sandwiches and he made vegetables taste good.”

“Wait, you mean you actually ate vegetables without whining about it?” Tyler says letting out a gasp.

“Yes, I told you Jamie made them taste good. And after dinner he let me color his tattoos. Jamie is the best. He sucks at bedtime stories but he's still the best,” Audrey rambles.

“You really like Jamie, huh?” Tyler could tell already that his daughter had warmed up to Jamie but he wasn’t aware how much.

“He’s the best,” Audrey says again, like she’s trying to convince Tyler, Which is unnecessary. Tyler has always known Jamie is great. “I think you should marry him.”

Tyler almost spits out his coffee after hearing that. “Jamie is already married, gremlin.”

“Why?” Audrey asks. Of all the random topics she’s always asking questions about, this is definitely Tyler’s least favorite one.

“I don’t know… because he loves his wife, I guess,” he tells her, settling for the simplest explanation. Audrey looks crestfallen at his reply. Like she genuinely expected Tyler and Jamie to end up together. Hopefully it’ll take her less time than it took him to realize that wasn’t ever gonna happen.

“At least you guys can still be friends, right?” She asks.

“Yeah, definitely,” He answers. Two days ago, Tyler wouldn’t have been sure. But after their shopping trip, he knows it’s possible to rekindle their friendship. He just wishes that the stupid feelings he used to have for Jamie don't come back. Unfortunately, Jamie is still so… Jamie. He's got the same amazing body that he had when Tyler first met him. The same wide shoulders and strong arms. Tyler always wonder what it would be like to be held down by them. Jamie's doe eyes are still the softest thing Tyler has ever seen. Maybe the fact that Tyler still wants to wax poetic about Jamie is not a very good sign. All these years, he has managed to avoid thinking about him. But now, he can’t stop, especially after they hugged last night. That was a dumb move. He never quite realized how much he missed Jamie’s warmth until that moment. Tyler wonders what it would be like to be able to hug Jamie for as long as he wanted, whenever he wanted, maybe even with no clothing involved and- yikes, he should not be thinking about that, especially with his kid sitting right there.

“Dad, can Jamie come skating with us?” Audrey says breaking his highly inappropriate line of thought.

“You want him to come? Are you sure?” Tyler asks incredulous. She’s always been very particular about sharing their precious father-daughter time. It’s more limited than Tyler would like. That’s why he tries to always make the most out of their summers together. This afternoon, he was planning on taking her ice skating. He called in a favor and managed to get the whole rink for themselves for at least a couple hours.    

“Yes, can you please call him and ask him to come? Please?” She clasps her hands together and throws her best puppy eyes at him. As if Tyler would actually need any convincing.

“Have I ever told you you’re the best kid in the entire world?” He says and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“Yeah dad, I knew that already. So will you call Jamie or nah?”

“I’ll call him but maybe he’s busy. I can’t guarantee he’ll say yes, though.”

Audrey nods and scurries off to play with Cash. Tyler stares at his phone for a while, trying to figure out what he’ll say. There used to be a time where things with Jamie would just flow naturally. There was no awkwardness and no insecurity. It was as easy as breathing or walking. But after not talking to each other for 5 years, things are different. Tyler hasn’t changed too much, though. It’s why it’s not that hard to act like everything the same as it was before he left Dallas. He figures it’s harder for Jamie to do that since he found about Tyler’s feelings for him. Still, Jamie was a lot less awkward than Tyler expected him to be. Maybe that means something. He finally gathers enough courage to call Jamie and hopes for the best.

“Hello?” Jamie says after picking up on the first ring. A good sign, probably.

“Hey bro, it’s Tyler,” he says.

“Yeah, I know. I got your number saved.”

“Right, of course,” Tyler laughs awkwardly, “So listen, I’m taking Audrey to skate this afternoon and she is hell-bent that you come with us. So how does another trial run with my kid sound?”

“When you say skating, you mean like ice skating?” Jamie asks sounding unsure.

“Yeah, I know it sounds boring but she’s really persistent. Please don’t make me deal with a disappointed child.” Tyler might go to hell for using his daughter to blackmail Jamie into seeing him again. He’s willing to deal with that.

Jamie laughs into the phone and Tyler feels himself relaxing. “Alright, I’ll go. What time?”

“We’ll pick you up at four.”

* * *

Four o’clock comes slower than Jamie would have liked. He was delighted that morning when Tyler had called him. He’s incredibly glad that Tyler decided not to be a stranger after all. After the last couple of days, he’s not sure he can handle letting go of Tyler again. Even if they both have other people, they can still be friends.

He can’t remember the last time he skated just for fun, with no hockey gear involved. What he can remember is the last time he and Tyler were in a rink together. Needless to say, it didn't go well. His knuckles have the scars to prove it.

His phone vibrates when he gets a text from Tyler letting him know he’s arrived. He says bye to Katie, who’s delighted Jamie is on board with hanging out with Tyler’s daughter.

Tyler’s Land Rover is parked outside the hotel’s main entrance. Jamie opens the co-pilot door and hops in.

“Hey bro,” Tyler greets him and offers his fist for a bump.

“Hi Jamie, did you miss me?” Audrey adds leaning from the backseat, her seatbelt unbuckled.

“It hasn’t even been 24 hours,” Tyler tell her with a smile, “Put your seatbelt on, you devil child.”

She rolls her eyes but obliges and sits back.

“So... Ice Skating. Does she know how already or are you gonna teach her?” Jamie asks. Teaching someone how to skate is tough but he's done it before and he's willing to help with Audrey.

“Nah, she learned how to skate before learning how to walk. She's a natural.”

“Really? Does she play hockey?”

“Mom says I’m too young,” Audrey complains.

“Yeah, Rachel thinks Audrey should stick to figure skating. She wants her to be the next Christy Tamagotchi.” Tyler says.

“You mean Kristi Yamaguchi?” Jamie asks. He and Katie watched a documentary about her once. She won gold at world championships and the Olympics. He doesn’t know much about figure skating but he can assume she’s a pretty big deal.

“Yeah, her. The point is, Rachel is one of those parents with ridiculous highs expectations for their children. It even reminds me of my dad a little.”

“Are the expectations ridiculously high if you actually fulfilled them? I mean, you’ve won two Stanley cups. I’d say your dad is satisfied by now.” Jamie's parents have never been the pressuring kind. They were happy as long as Jamie was happy. So he's never been in that position where he has to play to please somebody else.

“It's never enough for parents like that. Also, I’m raising a child out of wedlock. Dad’s not too pleased about it.” Tyler sighs. Jamie knows Tyler's relationship with his father has always been strange. Tyler loves him and he feels grateful to him but he also resents him in a way. Jamie used to listen to Tyler talk about it back when they best friends. “It’s weird, though. I’m pretty sure everyone expected me to knock up a girl at some point.”

“My mom would love it if I had a baby, out of wedlock or not. She wants grandkids as soon as possible.” Jamie adds.

“But Jordie and Jenny already have children. Doesn’t your mom have enough grandkids already?” Tyler giggles.

“It’s like you said, Segs. It’s never enough for parents.”

“What is wedlock?” Audrey chimes in, “And why are you out of it, dad?”

“It’s when people are married, gremlin. And you know I’ve never been married.”

“Never been close either?” Jamie asks before he can help himself. He’s been wondering if Tyler has truly loved anyone else in these past years. Did he try forcing himself to get over Jamie by getting involved with some girl? Is he thinking about marrying that Kenneth guy soon? Has he truly moved on from Jamie?

“Nope, never. Kenneth is the first person I’ve gotten somewhat serious with.”

“But you won’t marry the lizard man, right?” Audrey pleads. For some reason, Jamie feels like adding “Yeah! Don’t marry the lizard man!” but he refrains himself from doing it.

“Not soon anyway. It’s only been six months and it’s pretty much a long distance relationship. Kenneth is a photographer. He splits his time between Boston and L.A.” Tyler explains, “Audrey doesn’t like him much. That’s why she came up with the nickname for him.”

Jamie just hums in understanding. He doesn’t tell Tyler that Kenneth gives him a bad vibe for some reason. Said reason is probably either jealousy or protectiveness. Both are feelings that he’s not allowed to have.

They arrive at the rink that apparently Tyler rented just for the three of them. Jamie puts on his skates and watches Tyler tie Audrey’s. They don’t look like hockey skates in the slightest. They’re white and covered in pink rhinestones.

“Aren’t they the girliest, grossest things you’ve ever seen?” Audrey complains to Jamie, “Mom got them for me and I hate them. I like yours better.”

“When you’re older and play hockey you can get skates like Jamie’s,” Tyler tells her as he finishes lacing, “Done. Go and do your thing. Jamie and I will be right there in a sec.”

Audrey walks into the rink by herself and starts skating immediately. She does it with grace and no struggle. Jamie can tell that Tyler wasn’t lying when he said she was a natural. He turns to tell him as much but finds Tyler is now staring at his phone with an anxious frown.

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asks him.

“Uh, it’s nothing.” Tyler answers putting away his phone.

“Doesn’t seem like it. You look stressed.”

“That’s because I am,” Tyler says with a sarcastic chuckle, “I’m not sure I should tell you, though. Marchy probably wouldn't like that.”

“I think Marchand wouldn't like that you even breathe the same air as me, Ty.” Jamie doesn’t want to be pushy. They’re just starting to get back into a light friendship and he shouldn't pressure Tyler into telling him his secrets and troubles. And yet, he can’t help to be concerned. It’s never good when Tyler goes from smiling to frowning in a few seconds.

“Well, you’re right about that but…this is kinda big. You gotta promise not to tell anyone. Not a soul, okay?”

“Yeah, I promise. Don’t worry.” Jamie’s kept many of Tyler’s secrets for years and this one will be no different. Jamie wonders how Marchand is involved and hopes it’s nothing too bad.

“Okay so, I don’t know if you know this but during the playoffs, Marchy got injured in the conference finals. It sort of messed with the team’s morale and we ended up losing to the Leafs. Marchy thinks it’s his fault. He’s gotten injured a lot in the past and he’s getting older so he’s considering quitting.”

“Wait, like retirement? Marchand wants to retire? He’s only a year older than me,” Jamie says, baffled.

“He’s had more injuries than you, Chubbs. And nothing is definitive yet. He’s talking it out with his family and management but it’s more probable than not.”

“And you don’t want him to retire, do you?”

“I guess it’s for the best. But no it’s not really what I want. He’s one of my closest friends. I’ve played with him for most of my career and everyone thinks we play better together. Playing without him is gonna be tough.”

“Yeah, I know how that feels,” Jamie replies before thinking. Tyler tips his head to one side, confused by Jamie’s words.

“Dude, no. Marchy and me… it’s not like you and me. At all.”

Jamie assumes that means Tyler was never in love with his big nosed teammate, which is a comforting thought. Still, Jamie doesn't quite understand it.

“On the Bruins, I’ve always had someone to look up to. It used to be Bergy but he retired. And then Marchy got the C and it was him.” Tyler explains.

“And now he’s retiring too.” Jamie adds.

“Exactly. I’m not the oldest guy in the team by any means but I’ve been a Bruin for a long time now. I have an A and if Marchy, the captain, is retiring then…”

“They’re giving you the C.” Jamie completes the sentence.

“Maybe. Or maybe they’ll give it to somebody else.  Or maybe Marchy won’t retire after all. Either way, I’m fucking terrified.” Tyler says rubbing his hands on his face. He truly does look like he’s freaking out. Jamie sits down closer to him and puts his hand on Tyler’s shoulder soothingly.

“You shouldn’t be. Being captain can be scary at first. Everyone expects more of you and you have to talk to the media more. But you’ve always been good at that. And it all works out in the end.” Jamie says.

“I just don’t know if I’m mature enough, you know? I don’t even think I have leadership skills at all,” Tyler admits with a sad smile.

“I honestly thought you were mature enough about seven years ago.”

“What? In 2016? Are you serious?”

“Yeah, that year we lost all of our A’s in free agency and they had to name new ones. Sharp and Spezza got them in the end but I always thought you should have gotten one too,” Jamie tells him and it’s true. He knows those guys got the A because they were older and more experienced but he still felt Tyler deserved it more. “And about your leadership skills, do you seriously think you have none?”

“Not really,” Tyler says shrugging.

“But you were always so good talking to rookies and to people in general. Way better than me. I swear some days I thought you should have been the captain instead of me.”

“Jamie, don’t be ridiculous and I told you I might not even get it, anyway.”

“I’m being serious, though. And if they don’t give it to you, they’ll be making a huge mistake.” It wouldn’t be the first time the Bruins screw up when it comes to Tyler.

“Do you seriously believe that I would make a good a captain?” Tyler asks looking at Jamie straight in the eyes. He looks so filled with hope but also clearly looking for reassurance. It makes him seem a lot younger than he is. Like he is 21 again and he needs validation from Jamie. Jamie could never deny him that.

“I seriously believe you would make a good captain,” Jamie replies. His hand is still on Tyler’s shoulder and he gives him a reassuring squeeze. “Hell, you’ll probably be better than me.”

“Not possible,” Tyler says and Jamie can suddenly feel his breath on his face. When did he get so close?  It would be so easy to erase the distance between them. Jamie lets his eyes leave Tyler’s to stare at his pink lips. He really shouldn’t do it but he’s already leaning in and Tyler’s leaning in too and-

“Are you two big losers gonna come skate anytime soon or are you gonna stay sitting on your fat asses all day?” Audrey says suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

“Who are you calling fat, you devil child?!” Tyler replies and skates after her, leaving the cloud of tension he was in with Jamie.

Audrey dares them to a race to “reclaim their honor” but they let her win just to see her smile. She tries teaching them how to jump and twirl like she does. Jamie mostly fails because he’s never been the epitome of grace. Tyler on the other hand manages to land a couple jumps.

“Look at me, I’m just like Tamagotchi!” Tyler brags and takes a bow. Jamie and Audrey clap at him mockingly.

“You should stick to hockey, dad,” Audrey says and laughs at her father who takes another bow.

In general, they have a pretty fun afternoon. Jamie can’t recall the last time he laughed so much. His face almost hurts from it. Audrey is exhausted by the time they get to the car and she falls asleep on the ride to Jamie’s hotel.

“I’m gonna have to carry her to bed.” Tyler says when they notice.

“Good thing she’s still small.” Jamie tells him comfortingly and they laugh quietly to avoid waking her up.

“Hey, would you want to hang out later this week? Without the gremlin,” Tyler whispers.

“Yeah, that would be cool. Let’s get a beer or something. I’m free whenever.”

“Alright, I’ll text you. I know a good bar downtown.” Tyler says still smiling at him, almost expectantly.

“Goodbye, Ty. I’ll see you later,” Jamie says and gets out of the car before he does anything stupid he might regret.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next we'll have some camping shenanigans and my favorite fanfic trope :)


	7. Water Under the Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it took me four months to update. I am so sorry. It's just med school has been really fucking tough. I might actually fail not one but two classes so I'm obviously freaking out a bit (please pray for me).  
> I finally found the time to finish this chapter that I started writing back in April and I'm pleased to inform you that after next week I'll be a free woman. I can finally bow to write and post the remaining 3 chapters.

Jamie expected he and Tyler would hang out the next day but apparently Tyler had his schedule full with sponsorship events and photoshoots. His summers were always busier than Jamie's and that clearly hasn't changed. Still, Tyler's schedule doesn't stop him from sending Jamie a lot of texts detailing his day with dumb jokes included. 

**T: Look @ this cute dog I just saw!!**  Tyler texts him and attaches a picture of a German shepherd he randomly encountered in the middle of the street. Tyler’s love for dogs knows no bounds. Jamie knows that’ll never change. He has no trouble imagining Tyler as an old man, living alone with 10 dogs to keep him company, like a subversion of the cat lady.

**J: Did you pet him?** Jamie texts back. He can easily picture Tyler crossing the street just to pet a dog. It wouldn't be the first time he's done it.

**T: yessss! It made my day. honestly what's better than a dog**

**J: two dogs?**

**T: Shit ur right, bro.**

At one point, Audrey takes over the phone and sends him blurry pictures and random emojis since she doesn't know how to write. It keeps him entertained through the boring brunch he accompanied Katie to. It's with Katie's work friends and Jamie always found it hard to talk to them or even follow their conversations. It's a superfluous atmosphere and there was a time when Katie wouldn't have fit in as well as she does now. She hasn't changed too much from the down to earth, laid back girl he fell in love with years ago. But when she's with people like these, she almost becomes an entirely different person. One who apparently enjoys hearing gossip and spreading it. The main conversation on the table right now is about some famous photographer who had an affair with a male model. Or something like that. Jamie couldn't be less interested in it.

His phone vibrates with another text from Tyler.

**T: Sorry about the gremlin’s texts. shes a little weirdo ;D** ”

**J: “Like father, like daughter”** Jamie replies and Tyler sends him laughing emojis.

**T: Check out these memes bro** , Tyler proceeds to flood the convo with an impressive amount of memes. He used to that all the time, before their falling out.  They're in their thirties now. One would think they'd have a more mature sense of humor by now but Jamie still thinks it’s hilarious.

“Who's got you smiling at your phone like that?” Katie says to him, suddenly remembering his presence.

“Ooooooh, i’d be worried if I were you, Katie. It ain't good when your man smiles at someone else’s texts!” One of Katie's friends says, clearly trying to start drama.

Katie’s never been the jealous type but in that moment she looks concerned.

“Who are you texting, Jamie?” she asks with a tinge of authority. It scares Jamie a little bit.

“Relax. It’s just Tyler sending me memes.” Jamie says showing her his home for additional proof. Katie’s frown immediately disappears.

“Oh! That explains it!” She giggles and turns to her friends, “It’s just one his friends. A former teammate. Nothing to worry about.”

Jamie sighs inwardly. If only Katie knew the truth.

 

* * *

 

By the time Tyler gets home, it’s late. It’s past Audrey’s bedtime already and once again, she’s fallen asleep in the car, forcing Tyler to carry her to bed. It’s too late to hang out with Jamie but they make plans to meet for drinks the next day. Tyler is in bed, drafting an email to his agent when he gets a skype call from Marchy.

“Why are you skyping me so late? Is everything alright?” Tyler asks him.

“Bro, it’s not even midnight! You’re getting old.” Marchand throws his head back laughing. “Are you also having contingency problems? Cause I heard diapers are on sale at the Stop and Shop this week.”

Tyler chuckles and tries to come up with a good comeback. It’s always been tough to go back and forth with Marchy but after years of friendship, Tyler can actually keep up with the chirping. They talk some more trash for a while and then they move on to a more serious subject. Brad has officially decided to retire from hockey.

“It’s for the best, Seggy. Now I can focus on my family and finally rest a little,” he explains. He’s had some bad injuries and has worked tirelessly for their team. He definitely deserves some relaxation.

“Yeah I get it, man.” Tyler tells him.

“You do? Last time we talked about this you seemed rattled. Which is completely understandable since you’re next in line for the C and everything.”

“I’ve made my peace with it,” Tyler replies. The truth is talking about it with Jamie really helped him. Jamie always knew how to calm his nerves down better than anyone.

“Are you getting laid?” Marchand asks out of the sudden.

“Umm… not really, why?” Tyler says. He didn't have sex with Kenneth after their date so actually it’s been a while since he got any.

“You’re like... glowing.” Marchand says squinting at him through the screen.

“My skin care routine is pretty much the same as it’s always been. Although I did buy this new soap that-”

“I’m not talking about your skin, dumbass. You just look happy. Content and shit. You must be doing something different these days. It can’t be just the joys of parenthood.”

Tyler realizes that he is, in fact, doing something differently. He knows Marchand well enough to be a 100% sure that: A) he won’t drop the issue until he gets answers. And B) he is gonna be pissed when he gets them.

Tyler lets out a sigh of resignation. He might as well tell the truth and avoid being pestered by Marchy.

“I’ve been talking to Jamie again,” Tyler admits.

“Wait a minute… you mean Jamie as in Jamie Benn? Same Jamie Benn that punched you in the face? The one who said you’d be a terrible father? That Jamie Benn?” Marchand rants in response. Jamie wasn’t exaggerating when he said Brad Marchand hates his guts. Marchy has never been the forgiving type and he’s not ashamed about it.

“It’s been five years, dude. It’s time to let it go.” Tyler says. In fact, Tyler thinks the time to forgive and forget was mere months after the confrontation but he’s not about to tell that to Marchy.

“I don’t give a shit if it’s been five years or five centuries! There’s no good reason for you to go crawling back to that asswipe, Segs!” Marchand scolds him.

“Calm the fuck down, bro. There was no ‘crawling’ involved. I ran into him at Tim Horton’s and we’ve been catching up. It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be.”

“Maybe so, but still. I worry about you, Segs. This is the same guy you used to be head over heels in love with. Is he still married?” Marchand asks. A lot calmer this time.

“Yep. They’re looking to get pregnant actually.”

“And you’re cool with that?” Marchand questions him, raising his eyebrows at him.

“Of course. In fact, I’m actually in the process of convincing Jamie that fatherhood is not that scary.” Tyler explains but his friend looks even more puzzled.

“Let me get this straight: you’re convincing a man you’re in love with to start a family with somebody else?” Marchy asks, his face still scrunched up in confusion.

“I’m not in love with him anymore. I haven’t been for ages.”

“Yeah right. You look pretty fucking in love to me.”

“I do have a boyfriend, you know.” Tyler says, thinking of Kenneth.

“You’re not in love with the lizard man, Seggy. Don’t kid yourself.”  Apparently Audrey's mean nickname for Kenneth has catched on.

“Look, I like Kenneth. It’s still new though, so you’re right. I’m not in love with him-”

“Aha! I got you to admit it!” He interrupts him.

“You didn't let me finish my sentence. I was gonna say I’m not in love with him  _ yet _ . Because I have full intent of being so eventually. I’ve moved on, Marchy. I’m not gonna let the past stop me from being happy.”

“Alright then,” Marchand says with a sigh and running a hand through his hair, “Are you fully sure you know what you’re doing with Benn?”

“I am sure. You don't have to worry,” Tyler reassures him but Brad still looks like he’s on the fence, “We’re just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. I’ve known that for years and I’m fine with it. I do know what I’m doing. I promise.”

“Fine. But you’ll call me if that cow looking fucker messes with you again. I’ll deal with his ass.” Marchy says and Tyler knows he’s as serious as a heart attack.

They talk about more trivial stuff until Tyler start yawing more and more often so they throw some final chirps and say their goodbyes.

The next day, Tyler makes sure to call Hannah, his usual babysitter for Audrey. She’s a high school girl and the daughter of a family friend so she’s pretty trustworthy.

“I’m leaving now, kiddo. Don’t give Hannah too much trouble, alright?” He says to Audrey before walking out.

“I’m never trouble,” Audrey says feigning offense, “Are you going out with the lizard man?”

“Nope, gremlin. If you must know, I’m meeting Jamie for dinner,” he tells her bumping her nose. He’s not ready for the way Audrey’s face instantly lights up.

“Have a nice night, Mr. Seguin,” Hannah says with a smile.

“Yeah and tell Jamie I said hi!” Audrey yells after him as he walks out the door.

He drives all the way to Jamie’s hotel with a smile on his face. He knows it’s not a date but he’s still giddy for it. He wonders if Jamie is excited too. If he missed hanging out together as much as Tyler did. But when Jamie gets in the car, he doesn't look happy at all.

“Who pissed in your cereal this morning?” Tyler asks playfully.

“Nobody. Just drive,” Jamie replies not returning Tyler’s smile. “I had a bad day, I’m sorry.”

“We can do this some other time if you want, then. It’s not a problem,” Tyler says. He doesn't want Jamie to think he’s obligated to hang out with him.  

“No, I need this. I need to… get away for a while.” Jamie explains. Tyler keeps driving and doesn’t ask what he’s trying to get away from. “Where are you taking me anyway? Someplace not as trashy as you, I hope.”

“Keep insulting me and I’ll take you Audrey’s favorite restaurant: Chuck E. Cheese’s.”

He ends up taking Jamie to one of his favorite restaurants in Toronto. One of those places that he can’t go to with his four year old child.

It’s after the waiter takes their orders that Jamie’s phone starts vibrating like crazy. A frown appears on Jamie’s face as he looks at his phone screen and turns it off.

“Sorry about that.” Jamie says putting his phone away.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Tyler asks cautiously. Jamie was never one to bare his feelings to people. That was always more of Tyler’s thing. But apparently Jamie has become more open with age.

“Katie’s been insufferable these past couple days. She’s being really insistent about getting pregnant. She even keeps saying that she’s ovulating this week and I’m just...like, I do not need to know that, alright?” Jamie looks really stressed about it. “And also, she threw away a whole box of perfectly good condoms because apparently ‘we don’t need them anymore’. It’s just crazy, you know?”

Tyler doesn’t think it is too crazy. If he was Katie, he’d want Jamie’s babies just as much. But he’d probably wait until Jamie was ready, which he obviously isn’t right now for whatever reason.

“So even after all those hours with my devil child, you’re still scared? Cause I’m sure your kids would be a lot less wild. Mine is almost as bad as it gets.” He’s definitely not complaining, though. He’s pretty sure Audrey got her temperament from him. Not to mention the fact that raising a calmer kid would probably be boring.

“She’s not that bad. I actually think she’s pretty great,” Jamie says fondly.

“Don’t tell her that. Her ego is big enough already.”

“I wonder where she got that from,” Jamie tells him, smiling.

“I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But don't change the subject, man. What freaks you out so much about getting your own gremlin? I'm telling you, it isn't that bad.”

“Honestly,” Jamie pauses casting his eyes downwards, “It just so final, you know? There are no takebacks. Once it's done… it's done.”

“Why would you even want it to be undone?” Tyler asks. Audrey may have an unplanned child but she's the one thing Tyler could never regret.

“I don't know. I guess I wouldn't want the actual kid to be unborn. It's just that having a child together is pretty binding. It ties you to another person forever.” Jamie has that serious, yet spaced out look on his face he used to get when doing post-game interviews. Like he knows exactly what he's talking about but doesn't quite know how to put it in words. In a way, Jamie's right. Audrey is the only reason he and his ex-girlfriend are still in constant contact, which can get a little awkward sometimes.

“Yeah, but you know what else is supposed to tie you to another person forever? Marriage, dude. And you guys have already been married for years. So baby or no baby you're supposed to be together until death does you part and all that jazz,” Tyler explains. He remembers when Jamie proposed to Katie. In a move that was somewhat out of character for Jamie, he did it at a team barbecue, when all their teammates and their families were present. Tyler knows Jamie absolutely meant all that romantic crap he told her. He wishes he didn't remember it so well.

“Your parents are divorced, man. You of all people should know that marriage is not as final as it seems.”

“Well, it should be. I, of all people, know how much divorce sucks,” Tyler says and takes a drink out of his beer to prevent himself from asking dumb questions like ‘Why is Jamie keeping divorce as an option?’ or ‘Does he not love her anymore? There's no reason for him to get his hopes up and make things awkward. “Let's talk about something else. Something that doesn't involve my childhood issues.”

Jamie agrees and they change the topic to more light hearted stuff. Tyler tells him about how he has expanded his brand; in addition to hats, he now sells t-shirts and hoodies. Jamie catches him up on what's going on with the Stars. Roussel, who is now an alternate captain, has adopted a grand total of five cats since Tyler left.

“He's building an empire. Gonna take over the world,” Jamie jokes.

Tyler has avoided any news about his former team for years. He completely missed the fact that the Stars had their worst season in years and consequently snagged the first pick in the upcoming draft.

“We’re using it to pick some guy that's supposed to be the next Connor McDavid. They think that's what it’ll take to be great again or whatever.” Jamie says noncommittally, like he's trying to convince Tyler (or himself) that it doesn't bother him.

“You don't agree?”

“We do need new talent, they're not wrong about that. But the truth is management and coaching has changed a lot in the past five years. It's gonna take more than one rookie to get back in the playoffs.”

“Kinda weird how suddenly we're veterans. Feels like yesterday we were the young ones,” Tyler says.

“We’re not even that old yet, Seggy. Don't go all nostalgic on me,” Jamie replies and bumps his shoulder.

Truth be told, Tyler is nostalgic. Not too much, though; not like those first months after going back to Boston when he longed for green jerseys or perpetually warm weather or Jamie's voice in his ear after scoring a goal. Tyler knows he’ll never get that back. But right now, sitting across Jamie, eating steak and drinking beer, he feels like he can pretend they're a thousand miles away, back in a time where everything was less complicated. Jamie smiles back at him like maybe he understands the feeling. Maybe Tyler can also pretend that he does.

“You doing anything tomorrow morning?” Jamie asks once they're done eating, “Or the rest of the week for that matter?”

“Nah, my schedule’s pretty clear. I'm probably just gonna hang with the gremlin. Why do you ask?”

“Katie keeps dragging me to these awkward brunches with terrible people. It’d be nice to have something else to do, I guess,” Jamie says with a shrug.

“So you wanna use me as an excuse to get out of it?”

“No! I just thought- I figured we-”

“Relax, Jamie. I was kidding,” Tyler says to interrupt Jamie’s mumbling, “Just drop by whenever. You already know where I live.”

Jamie shows up at the apartment next morning and has breakfast with Tyler and Audrey. After that, he just keeps showing up. They don’t do anything particularly exciting. They watch kid’s movies on Netflix, go on dog walks at a nearby park, and take Audrey to Chuck E. Cheese (Tyler tells him he’ll have to learn to like that place when he’s got his own kid).

Jamie gets tickets for the three of them to go to the Blue Jays game, even though Audrey doesn't really understand baseball.

“Don’t worry, dad. Jamie can explain me how it works. Right, Jamie?” Audrey says.

“Of course!” he replies, excitedly. Like he really wants to induce her to the joys of baseball.

Once they’re at the game, Tyler finds himself being more entertained by Jamie’s patient explanations to Audrey than by the game itself. It’s when Jamie is in the middle of explaining her what a homerun is that Tyler has a sudden realization. For the past couple months, Audrey has been acting weird - weirder than usual at least. She hadn’t been laughing or smiling as much as she did before and she’d been misbehaving, pulling stunts like the one she did at Tim Horton’s. But for the past few days, she’s been back to normal, or even better. She laughs more now and hasn’t done anything too wild. He knows the reason for this change in behavior, is seating right next to him. So he makes a decision.  

They’re in the car, on their way back home, when Tyler decides to ask. Audrey is sleeping in the backseat as always and he figures now is as good as ever.

“This might sound crazy and out of the blue, but I got a proposition for you,” he says when they’ve stopped at a red light.

“Uh… what kind of proposition?” Jamie says with a confused yet curious smile.

“Would you come with us next week? On the camping trip?” Tyler asks, “It would make Audrey really happy.”

“Well, in that case... I guess I can't say no. I wouldn't want the gremlin to be unhappy,” Jamie answers with a soft grin and turns to look the sleeping child with nothing but fondness in his eyes.

Tyler gives him the biggest, brightest smile he's got.

 

* * *

 

 

“Don't you think you're spending a little too much time with Tyler?” Katie says when Jamie tells her his plans.

“You're the one I said I should be friends with him again, in case you forgot,” Jamie says annoyed. He's tired of Katie changing her mind about Tyler again.

“And you're the one who didn't want to, in case you forgot,” she snaps, “I’m just saying, the offseason is supposed to be for us and you're wasting it by intruding on Tyler's time with his daughter.”

“Okay, first of all, I'm not intruding because he fucking invited me to come. And second of all, don't act like the off-season is the only time we have. We’re together most of the time and I hadn't talked to Tyler in five years. Excuse me for missing my best friend,” Jamie rants at her. He's never spoken to her like this. And she's never been as demanding either.

“Fine. Go on your damn fishing trip. But when you come back, we're starting the baby making immediately, alright?” Katie says, once again acting like she's his mother instead of his wife.

“Alright,” Jamie agrees. He’ll just have to face the music when he comes back. Or hope a poisonous snake bites him the nuts and leaves him sterile. Either option is equally scary.

It’s early Thursday morning when Jamie goes to Tyler’s apartment to leave for their trip. He didn’t say goodbye to Katie because he didn’t want to wake her up and because he didn’t want to get more of her menacing looks.

He knocks on the door and expects Tyler to open the door all ready to go. But when he does, he looks frantic and is in his pajamas.

“I fucking slept through my alarm,” Tyler explains as he paces through the apartment hazily like he’s looking for something. “Can you please help me find the portable grill? I can’t fucking find it anywhere. I’ll just take a quick shower and we can go once we find that damn grill.”

Tyler leaves to the bathroom and Jamie figures to look in kitchen first. There he finds Audrey who’s eating breakfast and greets him with a high pitched shriek, as he expected. What he didn't expect was to find a blonde woman washing the dishes. It takes him few seconds to put two and two together and realize who she is.

“Hi Rachel! I didn't know you were here,” he greets her animatedly. Back when she was still Tyler's girlfriend, Jamie and Rachel always got along fairly well. She told him once that he was her favorite of Tyler's friends. The only one who wasn't a total douchebag, she had said. But that was over five years ago and today, she doesn't return his smile.

“Jamie Benn. Long time no see,” she says finally turning around and revealing a growing belly.

“Uhh wow, you look very… pregnant,” he says for lack anything better to say.

“You're very observant, Benn,” she replies sarcastically, still not smiling.

They stand in awkward silence with only Audrey's chewing as background noise. She's concentrating on eating her pancakes and is oblivious to the hostile and uncomfortable exchange happening between her mother and him. He suddenly remembers he's supposed to be looking for the portable grill.

“If you're looking for the grill, it's in the cupboard,” Rachel says, “I swear Tyler would lose his head if it wasn't attached to him.”

He lets out a forced chuckle and grabs the grill from the cupboard. Audrey has finished eating and hands the dirty plate to her mother.

“Audrey, why don't you go brush your teeth and see if your father is almost ready,” Rachel says and the young girl leaves the kitchen. Her smile disappears when she turns to Jamie. “You and I need to talk.”

“Uhh… about what?” He asks nervously. Whatever it is Rachel wants to tell him can't be good.

“Listen to me very carefully: If you do anything that harms my child in any shape or form, I will fucking destroy you,” Rachel says menacingly. She's pregnant and a few inches shorter than him but he still feels intimidated, “God knows you've done more than enough to hurt Tyler and me.”

That last part catches him off guard. “You? What have I ever done to you?” He knows damn well what he did to Tyler but to Rachel? He never did anything that could have harmed her in any way.

“You ruined everything, Jamie. It was all perfect until you took-”

“Sorry I took so long showering, I ran out of shampoo and I couldn't find a new bottle,” Tyler interrupts walking into the kitchen, “Hey, you found the grill!”

“It was literally right in plain sight, Tyler,” Rachel says, instantly changing her demeanor.

“It was? I guess I didn't look hard enough,” Tyler replies sheepishly, “Well, I'm ready, so is Audrey and we’ve got the grill so we better leave.”

“Let me go say goodbye to her,” Rachel says walking away.

“Rachel was in town and came to visit. I’m sorry about leaving you alone with her,” Tyler says in a low voice, “I know it couldn't have been very pleasant.”

“Why though? She used to like me before,” Jamie whispers.

“That was before you beat the shit out of me, dude,” Tyler says with a smile that falls when he notices Jamie's clear mortification, “Don't look at me like that, man. You know I'm over it. Rachel's not, though. She hates you almost as much Marchy does.”

Jamie wonders if when Tyler says he's “over it” means he's not just forgiven him, but also moved past his feelings for him. In a way, Jamie wants Tyler to be over him. They obviously can't be together and he still wants Tyler to be happy. Still, he can't help to be a little sad because he has lost Tyler's love. But now is absolutely not the time to worry about those issues.

Rachel leaves after throwing one last glare at Jamie and telling Tyler to call her if anything happens. It might be Jamie's new-found enmity with Rachel, but he's pretty sure Audrey is not unhappy at all to see her mother leave. In fact, he’d say Audrey looks more content once Rachel is gone.

Jamie and Tyler pack up the things in the truck. Audrey is displeased to find out she can't help because everything is too heavy for her to carry.

“When will I be strong as you, daddy?” She asks with a pout.

“Never if you don't eat your vegetables,” Tyler tells her and she rolls her eyes.

It’s a long drive and they fill the time playing dumb car games and singing off beat to random songs on the radio. They’re not really doing anything but somehow, Jamie feels like he’s having fun. It doesn’t surprise him because he knows that’s what being with Tyler was always like.

They arrive to the camping site in the late afternoon when the sun is setting. It’s a beautiful sight. The dark green of all the threes and shiny blue of the lake plus the warm colors of the sunset make very picturesque setting. They manage to set the tent with only a little bit of struggle.

“Face it, Segs. You’re a city boy through and through,” Jamie mocks him after he almost broke a piece of the tent.

“Shut your mouth,” Tyler replied giving him a light hearted shove.

They head back to the truck to unpack the rest of the stuff but when Tyler picks up a bag he yelps.

“What the fuck!” Jamie exclaims in surprise when an outrageously fast raccoon jumps out of the trunk and runs past them with something in his tiny hands.

“We probably shouldn't have left the trunk open,” Tyler says but yelps again when two other raccoons jump out, one carrying a bag of Doritos and a bigger one carrying one of the sleeping bags.

“Please tell me that huge ass raccoon did not just steal a sleeping bag,” Tyler says in disbelief, “What does he even want it for? Why didn’t he take something he could actually eat?”

“He’s a raccoon, Tyler. I’m not sure he’s got a lot of reasoning,” Jamie replies, also baffled by the situation.

“How do you know it’s a he?” Audrey pipes in, “Maybe it’s a girl raccoon and she took the sleeping bag so her babies could sleep warm when it’s winter.”

“Girl or boy, that raccoon fudged us, honey,” Tyler tells her and Jamie tries not to laugh for his use of the word fudge, “Now one of us is gonna have to sleep on the ground.”

“Why don't you just share?” Audrey ponders.

Jamie and Tyler turn to look at each other but neither of them says anything about Audrey’s idea.

“Daddy, the guy at the camping store said the bag you bought was size jumbo. He said it could fit two people if they were really, really, close.”

“Yeah, he did say that,” Tyler says pensively, “I guess it can’t be more uncomfortable than sleeping on the ground.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Jamie says shrugging. And just like that, they agree to sleep together in the literal sense of the word.

It’s a lot less awkward than Jamie would have thought. They move around lot at first. A mess of hands and feet in tight space, trying to find the most comfortable position. They end up basically spooning, with Tyler’s back pressed up against him and his neck close enough to Jamie’s nose that he can't help but soak in his familiar smell. It should feel weird, cuddling with a guy you’re just friends with. But it feels… right. Like there’s nowhere else he should be but lying there with Tyler in his arms. He’d think Tyler would be less cool with it, given his past feelings about Jamie. But he seems just as content as him to be spooning in a sleeping bag. They’re so close he can feel Tyler’s breathing. He wonders if Tyler can feel Jamie’s heartbeat, which is likely going faster than it would in any normal situation.

“I must warn you,” Tyler says breaking the silence, “Audrey snores sometimes. And I don’t mean soft, little snores. I mean she almost sounds like a bear.”

Jamie chuckles as quietly as possible to avoid waking her up, “Don’t worry.  I’m sure I won’t have any trouble sleeping.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this mess of rarely updated story.  
> Please leave a comment. Even if it's just a "Thanks for finally updating, you unreliable bitch!"  
> whatever it is you comment, will fill my heart with joy. God knows I need some of that. 
> 
> (Again, please pray for me. I really don't want to fail :/


	8. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this took longer than you might have thought. If you follow me on tumblr you'll know by now that I did fail both classes and so I spent a great part of last week feeling like a failure.  
> Still, I'm proud that it took me less than a month to update. Especially given that this chapter was sort of emotionally draining for me to write.

It's been a long time since Tyler woke up next to another man. Ever since Audrey was born, he doesn't sleep around as much as he once did. And when he does have sex with someone, he always makes a point to leave before morning. Kenneth isn't into cuddling so when they spend the night together, they sleep on opposite sides of the bed with minimal touching (“I love you, Tyler but you're too warm!” Kenneth had told him). That's why he’s a little disoriented when he wakes up with some guy pressed up against him. Wait. Not some guy. Jamie.   
  
Tyler slowly regains his senses and remembers where he is and how he got there. Those motherfucking raccoons forced them to share a sleeping bag. Assholes.   
  
He's pretty sure they weren’t this close when they went to sleep. Jamie’s arm is draped over his waist and their feet are tangled together. Tyler can feel the air coming out from Jamie’s nose that's touching the lower part of his neck. It's a little too much. He would let himself enjoy it but he knows that wouldn’t be appropriate. Jamie, unlike Tyler, knows exactly what it’s like to wake up next to someone every morning. In his dozed off state, he probably thinks he's back home cuddling Katie and not Tyler. The thought hurts Tyler more than it should. He moves to unzip the sleeping bag and get up but Jamie's arm tightens around him. Tyler tries to get out of his hold to avoid waking him up but Jamie is strong and he seems hell-bent on keeping him inside the bag. Is he like this with Katie every morning, Tyler wonders.   
  
“Ugh, go back to sleep,” Jamie croaks, clearly still asleep and disoriented. Tyler makes more effort to leave until Jamie mumbles something else.   
  
“What?” Tyler asks.   
  
“I said stop moving, Tyler,” Jamie says, tightening his grip on Tyler’s waist, “It's too fucking early. Please go back to sleep, Ty.”   
  
Jamie addressed him by name twice. That's gotta mean Jamie doesn't think he's anyone else but Tyler. With this knowledge, Tyler settles back into Jamie's hold and allows himself to relish it.   
  
Audrey wakes him up some time later because she wants to go to bathroom. This time around, Jamie wakes up with no opposition and offers to heat up some coffee while Audrey does her business. They have breakfast before heading to unchain the boat from the back of Tyler's truck. Today will be solely dedicated to fishing and more specifically, teaching Audrey how.   
  
“I don't understand why you hadn’t taught her how earlier,” Jamie says as they push the boat into the lake, “I mean, you're the NHL’s resident fishing enthusiast after all.”   
  
“That's my reputation in the league? Sweet,” Tyler replies. Going from problematic party boy to fisherman is a fairly decent transition. “I did try to teach Audrey last summer. But she was still too young so it didn't go very well. Plus she got a slight sunburn that Rachel blew totally out of proportion.”   
  
“Rachel is very overprotective, isn't she?” Jamie mutters under his breath.   
  
“What makes you say that?” Tyler asks. He hasn't discussed Rachel with Jamie as much he could have. Then he remembers Jamie's brief alone time with her and he has a bad feeling about it. “Did she...say something to you?”   
  
“What? No, no, no. Not at all,” Jamie stutters. He was always a terrible liar and that hasn't changed. Tyler is about to dig for further answers but he sees Audrey hopping towards them and decides to shelf that conversation for later.   
  
Fishing goes well for the most part. Audrey grasps the gist of it pretty quickly. The same cannot be said for Jamie, who is still hilariously bad at it. He flinches and struggles with the slightest pull of his fishing rod, as if he were some weakling and not a muscular professional athlete. After picking one tiny little fish, Audrey considers herself a seasoned pro and starts giving Jamie advice. She mostly repeats what Tyler said to her but Jamie still listens to her with undivided attention, as if she holds the key to solve his fishing woes. Time goes by quickly when you fish and it’s noon before they know it. When Jamie realizes what time it is, he goes to his bag to fetch what appears to be a bottle of sunscreen.   
  
“I puted sunscreen on before getting in the boat, Jamie,” Audrey says when she realizes Jamie's plans. She hates having to wear sunscreen. Tyler always has to struggle with her. Jamie can't possibly think it’ll be that easy to get her to willingly put on a second layer of it.   
  
“I know but that was hours ago and the sunlight is always super tough at noon. This way you won't get sunburnt at all. Not even a little bit,” Jamie explains.   
  
“Okay but only if you put some on daddy too,” she replies and surrenders her face and arms so Jamie can cover her with sunscreen. Apparently, it is that easy.   
  
When Jamie is done with Audrey he spills more sunscreen into his hands and is suddenly standing in front of Tyler. He slathers the thick substance into Tyler’s face without any sort of warning.   
  
“Hey!” Tyler yelps in surprise, his eyes wide shut so no sunscreen gets in, “You know I could have done this myself. I’m not a four year old child.”   
  
“Oh, really? Could have fooled me,” Jamie replies and Tyler can hear the smile in his voice.   
  
This won’t end like this. As soon as he’s able to open his eyes, he yanks the sunscreen from Jamie’s hands. He uncaps it and points it straight at Jamie’s face.   
  
“You wouldn’t,” Jamie says challenging him.   
  
Oh yes, he would. Tyler squeezes the bottle sending sunscreen all over Jamie’s face and part of his neck. They shove hands at each other wrestling and trying to cover as much of the other with the stupid sunscreen. They only stop because the boat starts swaying with them and Audrey screams in fear. Jamie’s hair has some white strands in it and Tyler can’t stop giggling at it.   
  
They eat the fish they picked up for lunch and have hotdogs for dinner. (God bless that portable grill!)   
  
Bedtime is less awkward this time around. They sleep in basically the same position as they had the night before but it feels as if Jamie is somehow closer. Tyler tries not to think too much about what it would be like to sleep with Jamie like this every night, in an actual bed where it would be considerably more comfortable and maybe with less clothes involved. He is unsuccessful and falls asleep wishing he had more than just one night left to sleep with Jamie again.   
  
The next morning they have pop tarts for breakfast again. Tyler hopes they’re more nutritious than they seem. He hates feeling like he feeds Audrey crap. His trainer probably hates that he’s feeding crap to himself as well.   
  
When they’re done they head for the hike trail where they spot a family of deer that make Audrey squeal in delight. They also spot a raccoon that looks eerily similar to the perpetrator of the sleeping bag robbery. Tyler glares at it until he realizes that maybe he should actually be thanking the creature. He throws an energy bar at it in gratitude and the raccoon grabs it  and scurries away. After their walk through nature, they decide to splash around in the lake since they're sweaty and the weather is too warm for comfort. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then Jamie takes off his shirt and suddenly Tyler can’t stop staring. It’s not the first time he sees Jamie shirtless, locker rooms and pool parties made sure of that. Still, it had been five years since the last time he had access to that sight. And man, is it one hell of a sight. Jamie’s muscles are not as defined as Tyler’s but he’s so much bigger and so damn thick. He’s Tyler’s type down to a T, exactly what Tyler likes in a dude. He realizes it’s a little strange that Kenneth is slender and considerably smaller than himself. Maybe he likes Kenneth for his personality and not his body. Tyler prays to god and every saint he knows that Jamie doesn’t notice he’s ogling him like there’s no tomorrow. It seems to work, Jamie is oblivious to Tyler’s gaze on him. For someone with eyes so big, Jamie is kind of blind.   
  
The next morning he wakes up before dawn. Jamie’s chin is hooked on his shoulder and their faces are touching. He’s the closest that he’s ever been in all of the three nights. Tyler hates how much he loves it. He can’t even think properly in this position. Unlike the first morning, Jamie’s hold on him isn't too tight and he’s able to slither out of the sleeping bag without any struggle. Jamie looks sound asleep and Tyler considers that a victory.  He walks towards the lake and sits on the dock with his feet grazing the water and waits for the sunrise.   
  
It’s not the first time in the last five years that he’s wondered “what if?” He used to do it often, especially around the time of Jamie’s wedding. What if he’d told Jamie how he felt 10 years ago, during his first year in Dallas? They would have gotten together and maybe the would even be married by now. Assuming of course that Jamie isn’t as straight as everyone thinks and actually corresponded his feelings. He also thinks what if he hadn’t been scratched for Jamie’s Art Ross game? Jamie wouldn't have been mad at him that offseason, they would have hung out more and he would have never met Katie. Maybe they would have gotten together later on.   
  
The thing about these two alternate universes that he’s built inside his head is that they’re not as great as they sound on paper. Neither of them involve Audrey. In both of this universes, Tyler never meets Rachel and therefore Audrey is never born. He loves Jamie and he knows now that he probably always will, in one way or another. Still, he’s lived five years without Jamie but he doesn’t think he could live one day in a world where he doesn't have a daughter. He stops his mental wanderings when he feels a hand on his shoulder.   
  
“Are you okay? It’s early as hell,” Jamie says sitting down next to him without removing his hand from his shoulder.   
  
“I’m fine. I just couldn't fall back asleep,” Tyler replies trying to conceal his mental conflicts. “I’m just thinking about stuff.”   
  
“What kind of stuff?” Jamie asks, his doe eyes filled with concern.   
  
“Nothing to worry your big head about,” Tyler answers. He bumps their shoulders together and Jamie bumps back. The sun is rising now and it’s quite a sight. He takes turns his face away from Jamie to look at it. It’d been awhile since he was up early enough to see the sunrise. “It’s beautiful isn't it?”   
  
“Yeah, it is,” Jamie says softly but he’s not looking at the sunrise. Tyler can feel his gaze on him. He turns back to look at Jamie but their eyes don’t meet. Jamie is staring at his lips. His hand has moved from Tyler’s shoulder to his neck, gently rubbing the skin there. Tyler know what’s about to happen. Jamie leans in and their faces are so close their noses rub into each other. Jamie’s eyes are closed and his breath is steady, as if kissing Tyler was something he did every other day and not a monumental step in their estranged relationship.     
  
“Daddy,” Audrey’s voice startles them and they pull apart before their lips touch, “I can't find the pop tarts and I’m hungry.”   
  
“I hid them so the raccoons wouldn't try to steal them. I’ll fetch them for you, munchkin,” Tyler says and stands up, leaving Jamie alone.   
  
Jamie offers to drive on the way back which allows Tyler to reminisce about the past. The year was 2005 and he was just 13 years old. He was just a kid, barely stepping into adolescence, but he thought life was almost perfect. He had lots of friends, he was good at hockey, and his family was pretty great. Or so he thought. One day he and his sisters came from school to find their parents having the worst fight of their marriage. The last one they had, actually. Candace and Cassidy locked themselves in their room to pretend it wasn’t happening. But Tyler decided to eavesdrop to find out what was going on. Apparently, his mom had found some suspicious texts from another woman on his dad’s cellphone. He eventually caved in and confessed he’d been having an affair for the past few months with some woman he met at work. His mom didn’t cry in that moment. She just told his dad that she could never forgive him and that she wanted a divorce. Tyler’s mother is alike to him in many ways. She’s the life of the party, she giggles a lot and she’s the textbook definition of an extrovert. And yet, in the weeks after his dad left the house, she was anything but that. She was a shadow of herself. He could hear her in her room, crying herself to sleep at nights. Tyler’s dad, however manly and tough he tried to make himself seem, cried on the day he went to pick the last of his stuff. There are few things worse than seeing your parents cry and Tyler had to find out the hard way. Tyler’s dad moved in with the woman and began to date her seriously. He and his sisters met her several times but they were always severely antipathetic towards her. One day, his dad got tired of their dislike for his new girlfriend and outright asked them why they were behaving this way. Tyler and Candace stayed silent. It was Cassidy, the youngest of them, only 8 years old, who spoke first.   
  
“She’s a homewrecker,” she’d said, “Nobody likes a homewrecker.”   
  
Jamie and Katie might not have any children yet. But that doesn't make them any less married. The situation might not be the same but the sentiment still stands.   
  
_ Nobody likes a homewrecker.   
_

* * *

  
The drive back to Toronto is awkward. Scratch that. Awkward is not enough of a word to describe how painfully uncomfortable it is. Audrey falls asleep in the backseat almost immediately after they hit the road. Jamie wonders what is it about cars that make her easily succumb to sleep. Tyler is quiet. Too quiet. He's literally not saying anything and that's why the ride is more awkward than usual. Jamie has always been the one who listens and complements the conversation. Tyler is the one who likes to talk endlessly. And now he's mute. Jamie is not the most intuitive guy in the world but he’s still able to tell that Tyler is upset with him.  
  
It's already night time when they arrive to Tyler's apartment. They unload the stuff from the truck and Tyler carries a sleeping Audrey to her bed. There are enough things to make them take several trips to truck and back to the apartment. Somehow, they manage to do it without speaking a single word to each other. Tyler finally breaks the silence when they're done unloading but what he says makes Jamie wish he hadn't.  
  
“You should go,” Tyler says. No emotion in his voice, his gaze on the floor.  
  
“That's it? We're not even gonna talk about it?” Jamie asks, confused by Tyler's attitude.  
  
“I’ve got nothing to say to you. Nothing you want to hear, at least,” Tyler's voice is so cold it doesn't sound like his own. Jamie has heard it before. Five years ago, after Jamie called him a selfish dick and a terrible father.  
  
“Whatever you have to say, I want to hear it,” Jamie tells him. He doesn't know how to convey his feelings through his voice or how to make Tyler be happy again and not this stoic, angry man he turned into in the past few hours.  
  
“You’re a fucking asshole,” Tyler says. He says it without any distinguishable feeling as if he were saying one of the facts of nature, like ‘the sky is blue’ or ‘two plus two equals four’. It hurts more than Jamie can describe.  
  
“I don't understand,” Jamie says.  
  
“Don’t play dumb. Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”  
  
“And what exactly am I doing? Why are you acting like this?” Jamie asks trying to keep the pain off his voice.  
  
“You’re playing with me. You know exactly how I feel about you and you’re stringing me along for your own entertainment,” Tyler replies glaring at Jamie like he wants to drill a hole through him.  
  
“I don’t-”  
  
“It took me years to get some semblance of happiness without you in my life. Years, Jamie!” Tyler says cutting him off, “What you’re doing now is wrecking everything I tried so hard to build. What you’re doing is fucking cruel and you know it.”  
  
“I didn't shut you out! I didn't make you leave in free agency! You left on your own volition! You wouldn't have had to live without me in your life if you hadn't kicked me out of it!” Jamie tells him. What Tyler is saying to him isn't fair. The blame isn't just his.  
  
“What other choice did I have?”  
  
“You could have stayed! Everything would have been so much better if you had stayed! We would have won another cup,” Jamie says but instantly realizes the last part is stupid.  
  
“You think I give a shit about the fucking Stanley Cup? I couldn't care less if I tried!” Tyler snarls, “Everything would have been better for you maybe. You once said I was selfish but it’s you. You’re the selfish one. And guess what? You're going to be a terrible father if you don't change that. God knows you’re already a terrible husband.”  
  
“You don’t know anything about my marriage,” Jamie retorts. But it’s a lie and they both know it.  
  
“Maybe I don’t. But here’s what I do know: you can’t have us both. Actions have consequences and…” Tyler stops and finally looks him the eye, “I don’t want you in my life. In any shape or form. I want to go back to the way things were, when I could act like you never existed.”  
  
Jamie knows that Tyler is right. He knows. And that’s why he agrees. It might be painful for it’s probably for the best that they stop acknowledging each other’s existence. “If that’s what you want,” Jamie says, “Then that’s what you’ll get.”  
  
Tyler nods and opens the door to usher him out. Jamie picks up his things and walks away without turning back.  
  
  
  
He arrives at his hotel room after taking a cab and jumps into the shower after basically ignoring Katie’s questions. She asked him how the trip went and what was he supposed to say? “It went perfect until I tried to kiss Tyler and he kicked me out of his life for good”?  A simple monosyllabic answer was gonna have to suffice. Once he’s done showering he wraps a towel around his waist and steps out of the bathroom. He finds Katie in the bed wearing one of the hotel’s bathrobes. He assumes she’s naked underneath it given that she’s smiling like the Cheshire cat. He had forgotten about their dumb agreement to make a baby as soon as he came back. After tonight’s painful ordeal, he couldn’t be any less in the mood for sex. He tells Katie as much.  
  
“What do you mean you’re not in the mood?” Katie asks.  
  
“I mean I don't want to have sex tonight. It’s late and I’m tired.” Jamie answers with annoyance. What part of “not in the mood” is so hard to comprehend?  
  
“But you promised we would be starting the baby making immediately after you came back,” she whines. God, why is she so fucking insistent? He’s too emotionally exhausted to deal with her right now.  
  
“Fine,” he hisses, ripping off the towel from his waist. He lies down on the bed next to her and points to his flaccid dick. “There it is. Have your go at it.”  
  
“Are you serious right now?” She asks looking grossed out.  
  
“I told you I’m not in the mood. If you want to make yourself a baby, go for it.”  
  
“You’re a fucking asshole,” she snaps at him. It’s the second time he’s been called that tonight but it doesn't hurt as much this time. Katie stands up and leaves the bed “I’m sleeping in the sofa bed. We’ll talk in the morning. ”  
  
They don't talk in the morning. Katie finishes her job in Toronto and it’s time for them to go back to New York where they usually live during the offseason. Things are incredibly strained between them. Possibly beyond repair. Jamie knows it’s his fault but he still can't bring himself to care as much as he should. The second day after they’ve arrived home is when Katie finally decides to confront him. She cries about how much she wants a child and how she just can't understand why he’s being so unreasonable.  
  
“How you can you still be afraid of having children after all the time you spent with Audrey and Tyler?” She asks. It’s the mention of Tyler’s name that makes him snap.  
  
“I am not afraid of having children, okay? I just don’t want to have them!” He shouts at her.  
  
“But why the hell not? Children are a blessing, why don't you want one?” she cries, “Why Jamie?!”  
  
“Because I don't want to be tied to you forever!” He yells. Katie’s face falls instantly and he feels like shit for it. But it’s about time he admitted it to himself and to her.  
  
“Wow,” She whispered, her voice almost breaking, “I guess we shouldn't be married, then.”  
  
“No, I guess not.” Jamie tells her.  
  
And just like that, it’s over. _   
_

* * *

 

Tyler and Audrey take a plane back to Boston a few days after his falling out with Jamie. His agent told him that they would be negotiating the renewal of his contract in the next few weeks so he needed to make sure he was in town.  
  
“Everything is going well. They’ve made it clear they want you back next year and they hinted heavily at the possibility of you getting the C,” Ian had said.  
  
Tyler is glad to at least have hockey to look forward to. The disastrous last conversation with Jamie broke his heart all over again. It also made him realize that he should be by himself for a while. He can’t be in a relationship with someone if he’s still pining for Jamie. He tells Kenneth as much.  
  
“You’re breaking up with me? Seriously?” Kenneth asks in disbelief.  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m just not in a good place right now,” Tyler explains.  
  
“Is this because I don’t like Aubrey? Because she won’t be an annoying kid forever, she’ll grow up eventually and I might dislike her less,” Kenneth says.  
  
“First of all, her name is Audrey. With a D. And second of all, I didn't know you thought she was annoying,” Tyler replies.  
  
“It’s not a matter of opinion, Ty. I hate kids as it is but your daughter is worse than average.”  
  
“Fuck you. You don't get to say that about her,” Tyler snarls.  
  
“Oh come on, don’t be dramatic. We can just take a break if you need time for yourself. No need to do anything drastic.”  
  
“On the contrary, I think there is a need. Delete my number, Kenneth. We’re done.”  
  
“You can’t break up with me! I’m Kenneth Rivers!” he wails.  
  
“Look around you, dude. Nobody gives a shit,” Tyler says and walks out of the restaurant.  
  
  
  
Audrey’s mood changes radically once they’re in Boston. She’s not smiling as much and she’s even talking very little. She looks sad which is weird since she’s a child with no problems in her life. One sad Seguin is more than enough.  
  
“Honey,” he tells her softly when they’re sitting in the couch watching TV, “Is everything alright with you?”  
  
“I’m fine,” she replies and sounds like she’s a teenager. Fourteen instead of four. That’s more than enough to make Tyler worry.  
  
“Sweetie, don’t be like that. Tell me what’s wrong so we can fix it.”  
  
Audrey let’s out a big sigh before asking, “Why doesn’t mom love me anymore?”  
  
“What on earth do you mean? Of course your mom still loves you,” Tyler says puzzled by her question. Rachel is far from the most maternal woman he knows but that doesn’t mean she doesn't love their daughter.  
  
“If she did, she wouldn’t be having another baby. She wants to replace me because I’m not good,” she says letting out a sob. It isn’t a very surprising development. He went through the same sad feeling when his sisters were born. And although he is not surprised that doesn't mean he’s any less upset about it.  
  
“Listen to me, gremlin,” he tells her grabbing her tiny face between his hands, “You’re not just good. You’re the greatest kid in the world. Don’t ever think otherwise.”  
  
“Dad, I’m not even the smartest kid in my class,” She laments.  
  
“That doesn’t matter. Because I know you’re the kindest and the funniest and you’ve got the biggest heart. You make my life better, gremlin,” he says and his eyes are watering a little too, “It doesn’t matter if your mom has another baby. You’re always gonna be my priority, no matter what.”  
  
“Really?” she asks.  
  
“Really, really,” He answers and wraps her in a hug, “You’re all I got, munchkin.”  
Audrey hugs Tyler as tightly as her little arms allow her. They hug for minutes until her little sobs stop coming.  
  
“I miss Jamie,” she whispers into his ear.  
  
“I miss him too, kid. I miss him too.” 

* * *

 

“Tropical storm Marlene is bringing havoc to the east coast. Torrential rains are to be expected along with major power outages,” Jamie hears the guy in the news say. He turned the TV on for background noise so he’s not really paying attention.  
  
“Man, I fucking hate this weather,” Jordie says carrying more boxes into the apartment. He never was a fan of rain days. “And we might lose the power to boot. Fucking awesome.”  
  
“Sorry. I know you’d rather be back home in Victoria,” Jamie says sighing.  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous. I wanted to come. You have a shit ton of stuff here. You would have never finished on time by yourself,” Jordie tells him as he arranges the boxes. Jamie needs to pack up all of his stuff in the apartment before Katie returns from her trip to L.A. and Jordie, being the great brother that he is, offered to help. “It’s too bad you didn't get to keep this apartment. It's so… spacious.”  
  
“She got the apartment and I got to keep the house in Dallas. It’s better that way. I don't even like this city,” Jamie explains. He’s been trying to speak as little as possible because he knows how miserable his voice sounds.  
  
Jordie obviously takes notice of it. “Bro, I know you said you were fine but you don’t look fine. Talking about it might help.”  
  
“I feel like a failure,” Jamie admits, “Mom looked so disappointed when she found out about the divorce. I feel like I let her and everyone down.”  
  
“She only seemed disappointed because she wanted more grandchildren, it’s not about you,” Jordie says, “If it’s of any consolation, I’m not disappointed in you because you got a divorce. Quite the opposite, in fact.”  
  
“Wait, what? You wanted me to get a divorce?” Jamie asks stunned by Jordie’s words.  
  
“To be honest… I didn't think you should have married her in the first place,” Jordie answers, and begins to explain after seeing Jamie’s confusion. “How much do you remember from your bachelor party?”  
  
“Not much. I got really drunk. Devin and Curtis danced on a table and Tyler made out with one of the strippers. Whose presence I specifically prohibited.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever. You had fun, don’t front. Tyler didn’t, though,” Jordie says, but that can’t be right because Jamie specifically remembers Tyler having the time of his life, “Before he made out with the stripper, he walked out. I followed him cause I thought he was too drunk to be on his own. When he saw me he started rambling on and on about how great things used to be before, how he didn't want things to change. He kept saying he was gonna miss you even when I kept telling him you weren’t going anywhere. I think he may have been crying.”  
  
“So you didn’t want me to marry Katie because it made Tyler sad?”  
  
“Jamie, I always liked Tyler, but I would never put his happiness over yours. The thing is, I knew you probably corresponded his feelings. I knew that in the end, his happiness was also yours.”  
  
Jamie hates that he knows Jordie’s right. God, he’s been such a fucking idiot for the past five years. He should have never married Katie, he should have never fought Tyler physically or verbally. He wishes he could go back in time and change things.  
  
“Have you thought about calling him? Maybe it’d be a good idea for you guys to get back in touch,” Jordie offers and Jamie can’t help but let out a self-deprecating chuckle. He explains to Jordie the events of the past few weeks. How he and Tyler got back in touch only to fall out of it again. Jordie offers him a look of pity. “Wow. You really screwed it up, didn't you?”  
  
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s fixable anymore,” Jamie sighs. All the talking has made him thirsty so he stands up and heads to the kitchen to get something drink. Jordie stays on the couch and asks him for a beer. Unfortunately, Katie either drank all the beers they had in the fridge or she threw them out in rage.  
  
He’s in the process of ransacking the refrigerator trying to find anything drinkable when he hears Jordie yell.  
  
“Holy Shit!” Jordie exclaims, “Holy Shit, Jamie! You need to come see this! It’s bad! It’s really bad.”  
  
“Did you break something or-” Jamie trails off as he steps into the living room and sees the news headline on the T.V. screen.    
  
 **BOSTON BRUINS PLAYER TYLER SEGUIN OUTED AS GAY BY FORMER BOYFRIEND**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 might take a little bit longer (less than month but longer than a week) so bear with me. We're only 2 chapters away from the ending, although resolution comes in the 9th while the 10th is mostly an epilogue.  
> Anyways, your comments give me fuel to write and happiness to live :)


	9. Can't Keep Holding On to Grudges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, there. This is the longest chapter I've ever written at almost 8,000 words! It took me a long time but I wanted to post it before leaving to Cabo and I'm proud of myself for sticking to deadline.  
> I want to give a big bowl of gratitude to nuanta-fic on tumblr/ Nuanta on AO3 for giving me advice on how to write a certain scene from this chapter. If you haven't read her stuff, read it. And if you have, then read it again lmao ;D

“Holy shit,” Jordie says again, “Outed by his boyfriend? You didn't mention he had a boyfriend.”  
  
Jamie is still baffled by the situation. The people on the news are showing what are obviously personal pictures of Tyler and Kenneth. It's nothing too sexual but it looks romantic enough that there's no way anyone thinks they're just friends. The segment also shows screenshots of text conversations between them that showcase Kenneth’s various embarrassing pet names for Tyler.  
  
“You got to admit, Sharon,” one of the male news host says, “This puts a lot of things into perspective.”  
  
“What do you mean, Steve?” The female host, Sharon, asks with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“Well, Seguin's sexual orientation is clearly problematic in the locker room. It leaves a lot of room to speculate,” Steve explains. Jamie wants him to stop talking there. He wants him not to say the moronic shit he's about to say. But Steve continues, “This could be related to why the Bruins traded him 10 years ago. But more importantly, it's probably why he had to leave Dallas. Perhaps his former teammate Jamie Benn figured it out and was uncomfortable with it. I know I would be.”  
  
“Son of a bitch,” Jamie mutters under his breath, “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”  
  
“You’re going to kill Steve Walters?” Jordie asks confused.  
  
“I don't give a shit about Steve what’s-his-face! It's the fucking Lizard man I’m going to kill,” Jamie explains as he puts on his jacket and tries to find his car keys.  
  
“The lizard man? Bro… are you talking about a reptilian conspiracy here? Does this man you're looking for live in the sewers?”  
  
“Huh? No, the lizard man is Kenneth. He's the guy who outed Tyler,” Jamie says, “And I'm gonna beat the shit out of him as soon as a find my stupid keys.”  
  
“I have them but wait… don't do anything rash,” Jordie pleads, “You’re thinking like a hockey player right now, all ‘violence first, consequences later’. It's not gonna do you any good. Besides, do you even know where this Kenneth guy lives?”  
  
Jamie doesn't know. In fact, he can't even remember Kenneth’s last name. So maybe Jordie has a point, “What do you suggest I do?” He asks his brother.  
  
“Act like you're an emotionally intelligent person,” Jordie says and Jamie wonders when exactly did his brother start saying things like ‘emotionally intelligent’. “Before you ask what that means… just call Tyler. He needs a friend a right now. Violence isn't gonna fix shit.”  
  
Jamie nods, still a little puzzled by his brother’s newfound ability to give advice. He takes out his phone and clicks on Tyler's contact to call him. The call goes straight to voicemail.  
  
“I didn't consider the possibility that he might not pick up,” Jordie admits.  
  
It doesn't matter. Jamie knows what to do. He goes to some old message group he's still in that has players from all around the league. He asks for a phone number and it is Matt Duchenne who delivers it.  
  
Jamie can't believe he's gonna do this. It could probably go horribly wrong. He clicks the call button and hopes for the best.  
  
“Hello? Who's this?” Brad Marchand answers.  
  
“Marchand, hi. It's uh… Jamie Benn,” he says and he can just hear Marchand’s annoyed sigh, “Please don't hang up. I need to talk to you.”  
  
“What could you possibly want to talk about with me? You and I are not friends. How the fuck did you even get this number?”  
  
“That doesn't matter. Listen, this is about Tyler. Please tell me you're on your way to check up on him,” Jamie says. If Tyler is with Marchand, he’ll be alright.  
  
“Why would I need to check up on him?” Marchand asks sounding puzzled and annoyed.  
  
“You haven't seen the news? It's all over twitter, Deadspin and motherfucking TSN!” Jamie yells at him exasperated. How could he not know? “Tyler was outed. Wait… you knew he wasn't straight, right?”  
  
“Of course I knew! I'm his best friend, you idiot,” Marchand says, “Who the fuck outed him?”  
  
“His ex-boyfriend Kenneth,” Jamie says. Just saying the name of that bastard angers him.  
  
“Fucking Lizard Man. I'm gonna kill him,” Marchand proclaims and although Jamie would rather not stop him, he knows it's the right thing to do.  
  
“Don't do that. Or do it later, whatever. Right now, you need to be with Tyler. He shouldn't be alone right now,” Jamie tells him. Marchand said it himself, he is his best friend. Jamie knows he cares about Tyler almost as much as he does.  
  
“I can't go to his house, Benn. I'm not in Boston, I'm at Cape Cod,” Marchand says.  
  
“And? That's like an hour away!” Now Jamie's the one who's annoyed.  
  
“On a good day, yeah. But there's a tropical storm going on, in case you hadn't noticed. I can't drive in this weather. Besides, I can't just leave my family like that.”  
  
“So what happens now? We just leave him alone and hope he's not miserable enough to hurt himself or something?”  
  
“I can check up on him tomorrow morning when the storm has cleared,” Marchand promises. To Jamie, it's fucking useless so he hangs up the phone without saying goodbye.  
  
Marchand may not be willing to drive one hour in this weather. But Jamie is willing to drive four. He refuses to leave Tyler alone during this time.  
  
“Give me my keys,” Jamie orders Jordie who obliges without thinking.  
  
“Wait… where are you going?” Jordie asks after realizing his mistake.  
  
“I'm going to Tyler's house. In Boston,” he declares.  
  
“Are you nuts?! There's a storm going on, Chubbs! The highway is the last place you want to be right now,” Jordie says, worried for his sake.  
  
“Maybe, but if I have to get through it to get to Tyler, then so be it,” Jamie vows decidedly, “Please don't try to stop me.”  
  
“I won't... but what about the packing? Katie comes home in two days and we're nowhere near done yet!”  
  
“If you finish it by yourself, I’ll give you anything you want.”  
  
“Your car,” Jordie says without a second thought.  
  
“Alright. It's yours,” Jamie replies.  
  
“I don't mean the boring sedan you have here. I want the kick ass Bentley you’ve got in Dallas.”  
  
“It's yours,” Jamie repeats. He couldn't care less about his dumb car. Jordie all but squeals in delight. “I’m going now. If it all goes well, I’ll probably be there by 8pm.”  
  
“Call me when you get there,” Jordie requests. Jamie nods and walks out the door.  
  
  
  
It turns out Jordie was absolutely right. The highway is a mess and Jamie has been in it for only half an hour when he realizes he might actually die there. The rain is falling like there's no tomorrow, too fast for the car’s wipers to clean up. He can barely see the road, even with the lights on. It's too late to turn back now. All that is left is be as careful as possible and to pray to god that he won't crash his car and suffer an untimely death. He calls Tyler again once he stops at a gas station to refuel and grab a snack. It still goes straight to voicemail and Jamie wishes Tyler would just pick up the damn phone.  
  
It's almost 9 o'clock when the city of Boston starts coming into view. It's raining just as hard there as it was in New York.  
  
Jamie is lucky enough to remember Tyler's exact address. However, he is not lucky enough to find parking space near it. He is forced to park the car almost 2 blocks away. He runs in the rain and feels how his clothes start getting drenched with it.  When he finally reaches Tyler’s door, he realizes Tyler might not want to answer. After all, he did say he never wanted to see Jamie ever again. Jamie knocks on the door anyway and hopes Tyler is in the forgiving mood. If he's not, then Jamie just risked his life driving through a tropical storm and got soaked in cold rain water for absolutely nothing. He knocks on the door once more. Tyler's porch doesn't do much as cover from the rain and Jamie is getting even more soaked, if it was even possible. He's starting to believe Tyler isn't going to answer the door. Why the fuck did Jamie think this was a good idea? He should have let Marchand handle this. He should have-  
  
The door opens and Tyler comes into view. His hair is a mess, sticking up in every direction. His eyes are puffy and his face is blotched with redness. It's clear as day that he's been crying.  A lot. Jamie wants to kill Kenneth even more than he did before. Tyler doesn't say anything. He doesn't ask Jamie to come in but he doesn't tell him to go fuck himself either. Maybe that's a win.  
  
Jamie decides to break the silence. “I know you said you wanted me out of your life for good but-”  
  
Tyler suddenly crashes into him, knocking the air out of his lungs. He buries his face in Jamie’s chest and lets out a sob. Something about the sound of it makes Jamie want to cry too but all he does is rub Tyler’s back as soothingly as he can. They stand in the porch for what seems like hours, with only the rain and Tyler’s sobs as background noise. The last thing Tyler needs right now is getting the flu so once again Jamie’s the one to speak.  
  
“Ty, we should get off the rain,” Jamie says. Tyler nods with his head still against Jamie's chest. He takes a few steps back into the house after he puts his hands on Jamie's back, dragging him inside as well. He gets away from Jamie for a moment to close the door but then resumes his position pressed up against Jamie. “My clothes are all wet. You’re gonna-”  
  
“I don't care,” Tyler cuts him off, speaking for the first time. His voice sounds hoarse because of the crying. Jamie can't believe there was a time when he thought Tyler was just another frat boy douchebag with no feelings. He can't believe there are people who still think that, who can't see all the depth there is to Tyler. If there's anything Tyler has a lot of, it would be feelings.  
  
Jamie puts his hand on the back of Tyler's head and slowly runs his fingers through his hair. Jamie knows that Tyler loves it when people do that; he said as much once. Tyler's sobs start getting quieter until they stop altogether. He lifts his head of Jamie's chest and looks into his eyes. Jamie stops petting Tyler's hair and makes a feeble attempt at wiping off the tears from Tyler's cheek with his thumb. Even though most of tear streaks are dry already and Jamie isn't helping much, Tyler closes his eyes and leans into the touch. Sudden realization hits Jamie like a ton of bricks. Although he thinks maybe he knew along. He loves Tyler. Always has and probably always will. There's no escaping it or denying it. He could marry a dozen beautiful women but in the end, Tyler is the one he’ll do anything for. He's wasted so much time being an idiot, trying to pretend it wasn't true. But now he knows and maybe Tyler should know too. But before Jamie can say anything, Tyler's stomach makes a loud guttural grumble that startles them both.  
  
“When was the last time you ate?” Jamie asks him. He figures that the emotional turmoil probably chased Tyler's appetite away.  
  
“I don't know. This morning, I think,” Tyler answers, “I haven't been in the cooking mood today. And I can't order takeout because I don't wanna face any curious delivery guys who want to pry further into my private life.”  
  
“Makes sense. What are you in the mood for? I'll cook you something,” Jamie says.  
  
“You don't have to that. I'm fin-”  
  
“You're not fine, Ty,” Jamie says cutting him off, “Come on, just tell me what you want to eat.”  
  
“Spaghetti would be nice, I guess,” Tyler replies sheepishly.  
  
“Then I’ll cook you some Spaghetti,” Jamie smiles and hopes Tyler returns it. The corners of his mouth lift a little. It's a tiny smile but it's better than nothing.  
  
In the kitchen, Tyler sits at one of the stools while Jamie starts preparing dinner. Surprisingly, Jamie doesn't struggle to find the things he needs. He finds everything where he thinks it might be and is able to start cooking sooner than he thought. He's still dripping wet and his shoes squeak every time he takes a step.  
  
“Sorry, I’m getting water all over your kitchen floor,” Jamie says as he stirs the cooking pot.  
  
“Don't worry about it, dude. It's just water,” Tyler replies sounding slightly more like himself, “Although you could borrow some clothes if you’d like. I got some that might fit you.”  
  
Jamie thinks the food will be alright if he leaves it for a few minutes so he follows Tyler down the hall where the laundry is. Tyler hands him an old t-shirt and a pair of faded sweatpants.  
  
“It's old as hell but it's the only stuff I have that won’t be too tight for you,” Tyler explains and leaves the room so Jamie can change.  
  
Jamie puts on the dry clothes and throws the wet ones into the dryer. He notices the t-shirt Tyler gave him is from the Stars. The collar is ripped off and Jamie thinks the t-shirt might actually be his.  
  
Jamie walks back into the kitchen to find Tyler opening a can of tomato sauce. He hands it to Jamie once it's opened and takes his seat at the stool.  He sits there quietly watching Jamie cook like it's the most interesting thing in the world.  
  
“Thank for doing this,” Tyler tells him. His voice is starting to sound less hoarse and Jamie hopes it's a representation of his emotions. He just wants Tyler's to be better.  
  
“It's not a big deal, Seggy,” Jamie says, “It’s just spaghetti. Easiest pasta in the book.”  
  
“It's a big deal when you consider how much of a dick I was last time we talked,” Tyler says averting his gaze. The last thing Jamie wants is for Tyler to have one more thing to feel bad about. “I'm sorry about that.”  
  
“Don't worry about it. If I'm here, it's because there's nothing to forgive,” Jamie replies and hopes his smile can convey that he truly means it.  
  
Tyler looks like he wants to say more but he ends up staying silent. Jamie adds the sauce in the pot when the pasta looks like it's done. He grabs a couple plates, serves the spaghetti in them and sets one of them in front of Tyler, who starts eating as if the plate might grow legs and run away from him.  
  
“Slow down,” Jamie tells him.  
  
“Sorry, it's just really good,” Tyler replies with his mouth half full and the hint of a smile on his lips.  
  
They eat in comfortable silence. Tyler's cheeks are still blushed but the rest of his face is slowly returning to its usual color. Probably a good sign. Of course he can’t expect Tyler to be his usual joyous self right now. Coming out is a very personal thing and Kenneth ruined that for Tyler. What he did was such a horrible invasion of privacy, it makes Jamie’s insides boil with anger. He makes a mental note to remember to ask Tyler for Kenneth’s address.  
  
Jamie’s half way done with his dinner when he notices Audrey is nowhere to be seen. He asks Tyler if she went to bed already.  
  
“I would hope so since it’s way past her bedtime,” Tyler answers, “Rachel had her this weekend and thank god for that. I would hate for her to see me like this.”  
  
“She’s a good kid. She’d probably try to cheer you up,” Jamie says.  
  
“Yeah, probably,” Tyler says pensively then lets out an ironic chuckle, “Can you believe my four year old daughter is a better judge of character than me? She knew something was off about him from the beginning and I ignored her.”  
  
“Maybe you should get your dating advice from her,” Jamie jokes.  
  
Tyler doesn’t laugh. He looks down at his spaghetti and smiles sadly. “Maybe I should.”  
  
“Do you know why he did it? I mean, besides the fact that he’s a terrible person,” Jamie asks nervously. He doesn't know if Tyler is comfortable discussing the issue.  
  
“I dumped him, he didn't take it too well,” Tyler explains with bluntness, “I kinda think it’s karma, you know? For that time I outed that guy on twitter.”  
  
“Tyler, that was over a decade ago. You were young. You probably hadn’t even figured out you weren’t straight.”  
  
“I had, though. I was just scared someone was gonna find out. I didn’t want anyone to know,” Tyler laments, “Now, everyone knows. And I’m about to lose everything I worked for.”  
  
“You don’t know that. People are more accepting now. Times have changed,” Jamie says. You Can Play is bigger than ever these days and the fines for using homophobic slurs on ice are considerable larger than they once were.  
  
“They haven’t changed enough. I’m gonna lose all my endorsements and I can probably kiss my contract with Bs goodbye,” Tyler says. He sounds so defeated and so sure that all hope is lost. Jamie hates seeing him like this.  
  
“Do you know for sure? What did your agent say?”  
  
“I haven’t talked to him since news broke but he said he’d ‘do his best to handle it’ which probably means we’re entering a Colin Kaepernick situation.”  
  
“Kaepernick was a shitty quarterback and you’re an elite franchise player, though. The Bruins would be idiots to let you go just because you’re not straight,” Jamie retorts. He’s so angry on Tyler’s behalf and for himself too. After all, he’s not straight either and this whole fiasco may very well happen to him too.  
  
“Jamie, come on. Everyone and their mother knows the Bruins have a shitty record when it comes to making decisions related to me,” Tyler argues, his starting to get glossy again, “They probably think they did the right thing trading my ass ten years ago. After all, I’ve proven to be nothing but a source for scandalous headlines.” He rubs his hands all over his face to wipe the newly fallen tears. Jamie leaves his chair and all but runs to Tyler’s side.  
  
“Don’t say shit like that. Listen to me,” Jamie says and carefully grabs the sides of his head to look into his eyes, “You’re a two- time Stanley Cup Champion. Not to mention that you’ve won the Conn Smythe, the Art Ross, and the Hart. You’re undeniably one of the best players in the league. But you know what? It wouldn't even matter if you weren’t. Because you’re an amazing father and a great friend. Fuck the headlines. You’re a good person and you deserve good things.”  
  
Tyler’s eyes are still glistening with tears but he gives Jamie a soft grin, “You always know what to say to me,” he says and wraps his arms around Jamie’s torso, pressing his head into Jamie’s chest again. “God, I wish I could stop crying. My head is killing me.”  
  
“Why don't you take some aspirin and a shower? You’ll feel better in the morning and you’ll be able to... deal with things,” Jamie suggests.  
  
“I should probably wash the dishes first.”  
  
“I’ll do it, you go take a shower,” he commands and Tyler breaks the embrace to go upstairs. Jamie cleans up the dishes and all the stuff he used to cook the spaghetti and heads after Tyler when he’s finally done.  
  
Tyler comes out of the shower already dressed. His hair is wet and still a little unruly but he looks significantly better than he did when Jamie got here.  
  
“I was thinking…” Tyler says as he rubs his hair dry with a towel, “What a lucky coincidence it was that you happened to be in Boston when this whole mess broke out.”  
  
“I, uh… I wasn't in Boston,” Jamie replies.  
  
“You weren't? Where were you then?” Tyler asks confused.  
  
“New York. It's where I live in the offseason,” Jamie explains, “I was on my way almost immediately after I saw it on the news.”  
  
“You mean to tell me that you drove four hours in the middle of the worst tropical storm the east coast has seen in years?” Tyler seems pretty baffled by Jamie's actions, which is understandable. What Jamie did was dangerous and sort of stupid. But also worth it.  
  
“It was five hours, actually. I tried to drive as fast as I could but the highway was a fucking mess,” Jamie says.  
  
“You drove as fast as you could? In the rain?” Tyler is obviously not keeping up.  
  
“Yeah. I was worried,” Jamie says trying to play it like it isn't a big deal, like he does it every day for any random dude.  
  
Tyler has a confused look on his face as he climbs into bed. Jamie doesn't know where the guest room is, if there's even one. He guesses he’ll just sleep in the couch in the living room. It looks comfortable enough and it's just for one night anyway. He turns the lights off for Tyler to sleep and he walks towards the bedroom door. His hand has barely grazed the handle when Tyler speaks.  
  
“Hey, umm… I know it's a little weird but… would you stay?”  
  
“Well, it's kinda late for me to book a hotel and I don't have any other friends I can stay with in Boston so…”  
  
“No, I don't mean here in the apartment, I mean here in my room… in my bed,” Tyler says. He doesn't sound as suave and confident as he usually does. It's like he might actually believe Jamie will get mad at him for asking. “I know it's a little weird. You don't have to do it if you-”  
  
“I don't mind,” Jamie cuts him off and gets inside the covers before Tyler says anything else.  
  
Tyler's mouth curves into a smile. An actual smile. The first one he's made tonight. He curls into Jamie’s side slowly. He places his head on Jamie's chest and puts one hand on Jamie's stomach. Jamie throws an arm around him to drag him even closer. Tyler is so warm, even after showering. Normally, in a summer night, Jamie would hate the heat. But right now it's comfortable, like coming home. It's a hundred times better than the sleeping bag and Jamie doesn't want it to ever stop. He rubs Tyler's back slowly and with care. He thinks it might make Tyler fall asleep. In the position they're in Jamie can't see Tyler's face so he's not sure if it's actually helping.  
  
“You know what this reminds me of?” Tyler asks without lifting his head from Jamie’s chest. Jamie can almost feel the movements of his lips as he speaks.  
  
“Jumbo sleeping bags and thieving raccoons?” Jamie jokes.  
  
“No, not that,” Tyler chuckles softly, “It was a really long time ago. Ten years, actually. You probably don't remember.”  
  
“Try me. My memory is not that bad just yet,” Jamie says.  
  
“After the trade, my first game back in Boston. I was such a fucking wreck. Almost as bad as right now, actually,” Tyler says, “I had so much anxiety that it upset my stomach and I puked for hours.”  
  
“I remember. Your puke smelled like death,” Jamie says trying to lighten up the mood. Tyler basically ignores his interjection.  
  
“I didn't even have to ask you for help. You just… knew. Somehow. And you sat next to me in the bathroom floor while I threw up and cried. You rubbed my back, exactly how you're doing it now, and then you stayed with me. All night. I don't think you have the slightest idea of how much that helped me,” Tyler pauses, “I should have known then.”  
  
“Should have known what?” Jamie asks. He hopes Tyler figured it out already.  
  
“Should have known that it was always going to be you,” Tyler whispers. Before Jamie can ask what he means, he pulls away from Jamie's embrace. “I'm sorry. I'm making things awkward. I shouldn't be talking about my stupid unrequited feelings that I’ve had for almost a decade.”  
  
Jamie basically manhandles Tyler until they're facing each other again. He looks into his eyes and says, “They're not unrequited. They never have been.”  
  
“What? Do you- Are you serious?” Tyler asks. He looks so utterly confused but there's something new in his eyes. Jamie can only describe it as hope.  
  
“Do you think I drive through tropical storms just for anyone?” Jamie jokes. Tyler should know by now. Jamie hasn't been too subtle. But still, Jamie knows the words need to be said. He pulls Tyler's face closer to his, their noses almost grazing each other. “I love you, Ty.  Always have, probably always will.”  
  
Tyler opens his mouth then closes it again. He looks conflicted and just plain surprised. “You love me?” He asks, like he has to make sure he didn't misheard Jamie.  
  
“Yeah,” Jamie says, “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I was being an idiot but-”  
  
He's not able to finish his sentence because suddenly Tyler reaches forward and presses their mouths together. He starts out the kiss slowly, a little unsure, as if Jamie might push him away, like he didn't just admit to loving him back. Tyler tastes a little like salt, probably from all the tears he spilled today, but to Jamie it tastes like heaven, like glory, like winning the Stanley Cup. No, fuck that. Kissing Tyler is a million times better. He tightens his grip around Tyler and pulls him even closer. That seems to be the reassurance Tyler needed. He puts his hands on Jamie’s hair, runs his fingers through it and reels him in to deepen the kiss. Jamie’s imagined this moment a thousand different times. He’s thought about it for years. But all the fantasizing in the world could not prepare him for how good it truly feels. He doesn’t want to ever stop. The best part is that Tyler seems to think the same. He’s kissing Jamie with a sense of urgency, like he’s hungry for it. Like he hasn’t eaten in days and he thinks Jamie might have a hidden plate of spaghetti on the back of his mouth. His kisses get even messier when Tyler rolls Jamie onto his back and gets on top of him.  
  
“Hey, slow down,” Jamie says briefly breaking away from Tyler’s mouth. He knows where this is probably going and he wants it just as much as Tyler. But it wasn't even an hour ago that Tyler was crying his heart out so Jamie thinks maybe the timing could be better.  
  
“Jamie,” Tyler mumbles against his mouth. He grinds their hips together and fuck, Tyler is so hard already. Jamie can’t help but grunt in response. “I’ve wanted this for so long. I can’t- I _won’t_ slow down.”    
  
Tyler goes back to kissing him like a maniac. And Jamie kisses him back in the same way. For the past five years, he hasn’t let allowed himself to even think about Tyler. Even less in a scenario like this. But everything's different now.  He’s not married anymore and he can finally, finally, let himself have this. He lets his hands wander all over Tyler. From the back of his neck, to his biceps, and finally to his ass. He squeezes it lightly and Tyler moans into his mouth. It’s the greatest thing Jamie’s ever heard. Tyler breaks off the kiss to peel off his shirt. It’s far from the first time Jamie has seen Tyler shirtless, but it’s the first time he can actually look at him. Really look at him. But obviously he’s not satisfied with just looking. He leans up to meet Tyler’s mouth again and grabs his hips and flips them over. Tyler lets out a breath as his back hits the mattress.  
  
“Sorry. Was that too rough?” Jamie asks. He doesn’t want to hurt Tyler in any shape or form. But it’s hard to be gentle when they’re both so desperate for each other.  
  
“No, No. You- I like- that’s good,” Tyler answers incoherently, “Don’t stop. Keep going.”  
  
Jamie keeps going. He puts his mouth on Tyler’s neck and anywhere he’s able to put it. He kisses his chest and gently bites a nipple. He trails kisses down his abs all the way to the V of his hips. Tyler arches his back into the touch and lets out quiet little whines that drive Jamie insane. He hooks his finger on the waistband of Tyler’s pants and looks up at him for confirmation. But Tyler’s eyes are shut in pleasure and Jamie scoots back up to capture his mouth again. Jamie might be on top right now, but he wants Tyler to be in control of the situation. He doesn’t want to do anything Tyler might not want him to do. Tyler’s tongue sweeps into his mouth instantly and Jamie can’t imagine how he lived so long without this feeling. Tyler starts touching him underneath his shirt and he lifts it demandingly. Jamie takes the hint and throws his shirt away. Tyler’s hands slip inside Jamie’s borrowed sweatpants. He’s not wearing any underwear, so Tyler’s directly touching the sensitive skin of his ass. He grips at it and pulls Jamie’s hips closer to his. The friction between their hard dicks, even with clothes in the way, is almost too much to handle. Jamie grunts and lets Tyler pull his pants down. It’s the confirmation Jamie wanted, so he returns the favor for Tyler. They’re both naked and it feels electric everywhere their skin touches. Tyler suddenly grasps at his jaw and pulls his face away. At first, he thinks he might have done something wrong. But then he looks into Tyler’s eyes. His pupils are dilated and he’s giving him a smirk. He looks lustful, there’s no other way to put it.  
  
“I got stuff in the top drawer,” Tyler says, motioning his head towards the bedside table, “Lube and condoms. If you want.”  
  
“Do you want?” Jamie asks. He’s not as coherent as he was earlier but he still knows he needs to know Tyler’s sure of what they’re doing.  
  
“Of course I do. There’s nothing I want more.”  
  
Jamie reaches towards the drawer and takes the stuff, “Are you truly sure? I’m… I haven’t done this in a while. I might… be terrible at it.” Jamie hasn’t been with a guy in over six years. Tyler’s probably been with guys that are more toned, with bigger dicks, and with more skilled fingers. Jamie might not live up to his expectations.  
  
“Jamie. It’s you. I’m sure I will love it even if you only last five seconds,” Tyler says with mischievous smile.  
  
“Shut your mouth,” Jamie says but shuts him up himself by kissing him. He feels Tyler smile into the kiss. He opens the bottle of lube and pours some into his fingers. It’s really been a long time since Jamie did this for anyone. Despite Tyler’s reassurance, Jamie’s still terrified that he’ll suck at it or worse, that he’ll hurt Tyler in the process. He slowly slides his finger between Tyler’s ass cheeks and he circles Tyler’s hole gently. Tyler hums in pleasure but it's clear that he wants more, needs more. And Jamie certainly wants to deliver. He slips the tip of his finger inside Tyler, who sucks in his breath. He pushes the finger in deeper, still unsure. “Is this okay?” he asks.  
  
“No, I need more,” Tyler whines, “Give me another one. Come on.”  
  
Jamie obliges and presses in a second finger. Tyler’s breathing goes quicker and his moans get louder and louder as he fucks himself on Jamie’s fingers. Jamie can tell he still wants more so he adds his third finger.  
  
“Fuck,” Tyler moans. His dick is dripping pre come between their stomachs. He’s whining and making the most amazing noises that Jamie wants to remember forever, “Jamie, please… don’t make me beg,” Jamie curls his fingers against Tyler’s prostate and he lets out the loudest moan of all night. “Please, I’ve waited so long. I can’t - I need-”  
  
“It’s alright. I’ve got you. No more waiting,” Jamie says. He takes out his fingers to unwrap the condom and rolls it on as quickly as he can. He’s not as loud or vocal as Tyler, in bed or in any other area. But he’s as desperate as Tyler right now.    
  
Tyler grabs at him like he might try to get away. He wraps his legs around him, and places his heels on the back of Jamie’s thighs. Jamie inches forward and slowly eases his dick into Tyler. A loud gasp escapes Tyler’s lips. Jamie hasn't even moved yet but it already feels blindingly good.  
  
“Tyler,” he gasps into his shoulder. Tyler grinds down against Jamie’s dick and Jamie starts moving. He thrusts forward like his life depends on it. Tyler’s lets out choked-out cries and all but yells Jamie’s name over and over again. Tyler’s ass is so tight and Jamie tells him as much. “You feel so good. I love you so much.”  
  
Tyler keens after hearing this words, like he’s hearing them for the first time all over again. He tries to kiss Jamie but they’re mostly just sharing breaths at this point, too carried away to do anything else. Everything about Tyler feels amazing, perfect even. His nails raking on Jamie's back and his mouth sucking at the juncture between his neck and the shoulder, leaving marks that will definitely be there in the morning. Tyler was joking when he said it but it's a goddamned miracle that Jamie didn't come in five seconds after all.  
  
“You’re always so good to me, Jame. Always so- Ahhh!” Tyler cries out after Jamie shifts the angle of his thrusts and hits the spot where his prostate is, “Yes, yes, right there. Don't stop. Don't fucking stop.”  
  
Jamie has no intention of stopping. He moves faster and harder. Grunting and almost growling with how raw he feels. Tyler spreads himself wider for him, like he’s trying to get Jamie deeper inside him. On the back of his thighs, he can feel Tyler’s toes curling. He’s close and so is Jamie. He feels himself slip over the edge and it’s so fucking overwhelming that he feels like might actually die. He comes with a loud grunt, grasping Tyler’s hips so hard there will definitely be bruises.  
  
“Jamie, please. I’m so close,” Tyler whimpers when Jamie slips out of him.  
  
Jamie manages to act through his post-orgasm haze and wraps his hand around Tyler’s dick. Tyler throws his head back in pleasure as Jamie glides his thumb over the head of his dick, smearing the pre-come. Jamie jerks him off fast and easy. He knows he doesn’t need much. Tyler tightens up underneath him and spills come over Jamie’s fist and into his own stomach. They’re both panting loudly and Jamie feels like he died and went to heaven. He rips himself off from Tyler to avoid crushing him under his weight and gets up to dispose the condom. He grabs some Kleenex from the bedside table and cleans the mess of cum that’s all over Tyler’s abdomen. Tyler looks wrecked, completely fucked out. He smiles at Jamie blissfully and looks at him like he just saved the world. Jamie smiles back and hopes Tyler can tell that Jamie is just as happy, if not more. He lies back down inside the sheets and Tyler curls into him instantly, the same position they were in before, only with no clothes involved. Tyler hums happily into Jamie’s chest, snuggles into him like he’s a cat.  
  
“Tell me again,” Tyler says. Jamie doesn’t need to ask what he means.  
  
“I love you,” Jamie replies, pressing a soft kiss into Tyler’s temple. They both drift off into sleep in a matter of minutes.  


 

* * *

 

Tyler wakes up the next morning naked and alone. So either Jamie left him or Tyler basically had a very detailed wet dream about him. He guesses the first option is the most plausible one. Jamie’s still married after all. He knows he can’t expect them to be happily ever after just because they had sex once. No matter how great said sex was. Tyler’s gonna have to settle for an affair instead of the future that he actually wants with Jamie. Still, he’s gotta cut his losses. An affair is better than nothing.  
  
He puts some clothes on and walks down the stairs to pour himself some coffee. There’s a shirtless man in his kitchen. Not any shirtless man. Jamie.  
  
“You’re here!” Tyler exclaims, unable to keep the surprise of his voice.  
  
“Where else would I be?” Jamie asks his face contorting in confusion. He’s cooking something. Eggs probably.  
  
“I woke up and you weren’t there. I thought you left,” Tyler answers.  
  
“And gone where? You’re literally the only person I know in Boston,” Jamie says and goes back to his cooking.  
  
“Yeah, that makes sense,” Tyler laughs awkwardly. He’s happy Jamie didn't leave but it would have made more sense if he had.  
  
“I can’t believe you seriously thought I’d leave you. I was just making breakfast,” Jamie says, still baffled by Tyler’s incredulity. “Why would I even leave?”  
  
“Look, I know I can’t expect much. I know what this is. I know what I am.”  
  
Jamie turns off the stove to look at Tyler, “What this is? What you are? Please explain what you’re talking about because I’m not following.”  
  
“It’s an affair and I’m… your mistress, I guess. Is there a male word for that?” Tyler wonders but Jamie doesn't answer. He just looks at him like he’s crazy. “I’m not gonna be unreasonable and ask you to leave your wife or anything like that.”  
  
“Well, yeah. I can’t exactly leave her given that she already left me,” Jamie says casually with a shrug.  
  
“Wait, what? Katie left you? How- Why?” Now Tyler is the one who’s too fucking confused.  
  
“I mean, we both left each other, really. I wanted out of that marriage as much as she did. But legally speaking, she’s the plaintiff so…”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tyler demands. It sure would have been nice to know before jumping to his depressing conclusions.  
  
“It’s not exactly the best thing to say during sex, Ty,” Jamie explains. And yeah, Tyler definitely agrees but he still would have liked to know sooner.  
  
“Was it because of me? The divorce, I mean,” Tyler asks. He’d really hate to be the one responsible for wrecking a marriage but he guesses he’ll just have to live with it.  
  
“Not directly, no,” Jamie says, “In part, I was never really invested with her because I wanted to be with you. But the breaking point was that Katie really wants to have kids and I don’t.”  
  
“Did you forget I already have a kid?”  
  
“No. I phrased that wrong,” Jamie answers, “I meant, I don’t want to have kids with _her_.”  
  
“But you do with me?” Tyler asks with a smirk.  
  
Jamie puts down the spoon he was scrambling the eggs with and he steps closer to him. “I want everything with you. Kids, dogs, a house in the suburbs. The whole shebang,” he says looking deep into Tyler’s eyes. Tyler smiles big and bright at him because he wants all that too. And the fact that he might actually get to have it? Tyler probably won’t stop smiling until he dies. Jamie puts his hand on his face gently rubs the corner of his mouth. “Have I ever told you I love your smile? It’s the greatest thing in the world.”  
  
Tyler feels his cheeks blush. Jamie’s so earnest and he’s looking at him with so much love in his big brown eyes, Tyler wants to have the morning sex he was deprived of right there in the kitchen. He kisses Jamie with intent and he immediately figures out what Tyler is looking to do.  
  
“Eat your breakfast first. Then we can go back to bed,” Jamie commands. It’s been years since he was Tyler’s captain but there’s still something that makes him want to obey.  
  
Jamie asks him if his headache went away and if he’s still feeling as pessimistic about his career in hockey. Tyler explains that he still thinks the Bruins and everyone else in the league are gonna kick him to the curb, and yet he’s not as sad about it anymore. He was gonna have to retire at some point anyway. Who cares if he has to do it a few years earlier? Besides, the timing is, for once, in his favor. If he retires, he can go live wherever he wants. ‘Wherever’ obviously meaning Dallas, near Jamie.  
  
“I’d love to have you near me but are you sure you wouldn’t miss hockey too much?” Jamie asks.  
  
“As long as I have you, my gremlin, and my dog, I’m happy,” Tyler says and surprises himself with how much he truly means it. It's a complete 180° from where he was last night, when he thought his life was basically over. Jamie seems more than satisfied with his answer.  
  
They finish eating and he drags Jamie upstairs. Tyler didn't think it was possible for sex with Jamie to be any better. But he's pleasantly surprised to find out he was wrong. This time he's able to enjoy it more. Actually cherish it, knowing Jamie is his and his only. He doesn't have to share him with anyone and they'll be able to have sex plenty of more times down the line.  
  
They're cuddling, sweaty, naked and kind of disgusting, when the door to Tyler's room opens suddenly.  
  
“Oh shit!” He hears Brad Marchand say. “Shit, shit, shit, I'm so sorry. I’ll be downstairs,” he rambles and walks out as quickly as he walked in.  
  
“I knew I was gonna regret giving him a key,” Tyler complains.  
  
“Do you think he saw my dick?” Jamie wonders.  
  
“It's kind of hard not to see it. You're very...well endowed,” Tyler says and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Jamie giggles and shoves him playfully, “Get dressed and go talk to your friend. The sooner you talk to him the sooner, he'll be gone and we can get back to what we were doing.”  
  
That's more than enough motivation for Tyler. He dresses as fast humanly possible and practically runs down the stairs.  
  
“Alright, what do you want, Marchy? Make it quick,” he asks Marchand. He loves and cherishes their friendship and all that, but right now Tyler's busy making up for lost time with Jamie. Ten fucking years of lost time.   
  
“Nice way to greet your best friend, Seggy,” Marchand reprimands him.  
  
“Yeah, whatever. Just tell me what you're here for.”  
  
“Well, first of all I was gonna come anyway because you were having a crisis yesterday and your boyfriend Benn called me demanding I visited you immediately. Obviously, I couldn't because I was at the Cape but I told him I’d check up on you in the morning. So here I am and imagine my surprise to see that so is he,” Marchy explains.  
  
“He drove here all the way from New York through the storm. Isn’t that romantic as fuck?” Tyler adds. He knows he sounds like a lovesick idiot but that’s who he is right now, sue him.  
  
“Yeah, yeah like a Nicholas Sparks Novel. Don’t you wanna hear the second reason I’m here?” Marchand says sarcastically and Tyler nods to egg him on to speak, “Well, as you know I’m retiring from hockey. What I haven’t told you is that the Bruins offered me a job with management.”  
  
“For real?” Tyler asks. He never pictured Brad Marchand in a management position.  
  
“For real. Now, with my new job comes new responsibility, and so they send me to talk to you since you’re too busy fucking to answer the phone.”  
  
“I turned it off,” Tyler explains, “Did the Bruins seriously send you of all people to fire me? Wow.”  
  
“They didn’t send me to fire you, dipshit. That’s not what they want. They want you to come in to discuss some things. No one’s getting fired, your contract's still gonna get signed,” Marchand says.  
  
Tyler’s still incredulous that the Bruins don’t want to get rid of him. He knows Marchand won’t leave until he gets what he wants. And so he tells Jamie he’ll be right back and lets Marchand take him to his new bosses Cam Neely and Don Sweeney.  
  
The meeting is nothing like what Tyler expected it to be. It turns out the Bruins are not only renewing his contract but also naming him captain of the team.  
  
“We were already planning on doing this,” Neely says, “The events of yesterday change nothing.”  
  
“I thought you’d fire me,” Tyler admits to them.  
  
“Tyler, I once told you we had made a terrible mistake letting you go,” Sweeney says, “Now, why would we make the same dumb mistake a second time?”  
  
  
  
Marchy drops him off back at the apartment after the meeting is over.  
  
“I heard congratulations are in order, captain,” Jamie greets him wrapping him in a hug as soon as he steps inside.  
  
“How did you know?” Tyler asks surprise. Did Jamie suddenly develop clairvoyance?  
  
“I got the notification from the NHL app on my phone,” Jamie explains, “I told you they weren’t dumb enough to let you go. I’m so happy for you,” He plants a wet kiss on Tyler’s forehead, “I know it won’t be easy being the first one out ever, so I was thinking... maybe I could come out too.”  
  
“You shouldn’t. Not until you feel truly ready,” Tyler tells him, “It’s a big decision that somebody else took for me. I don’t want to take it for you.”  
  
“Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind too much.”  
  
“Jamie, Texas is a million times different than Massachusetts. The Stars are great and all but they are not half as progressive as the Bruins. They’re the only team in the league who doesn’t host a Pride Night. Who knows how they’d react to having a gay player?”  
  
“You’re right. I guess I’ll just wait for better timing,” Jamie agrees, “By the way, just because you’ll be here and I’ll be down there doesn't mean I’m backing away from this. From us.”  
  
“Long distance is going to suck, isn’t it?” Tyler whines.  
  
“Not too much. We play each other twice a year. We’ve got the All Star Game and the bye weeks. And the offseason can be pretty long so… I think we’ll manage.”  
  
“Yeah, we’ll be alright,” Tyler replies and kisses Jamie, happy that he finally gets to do it whenever he wants.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 is, like I''d previously said, mostly an epilogue. But it's a damn long one. I haven't written any of it and I'm leaving to Cabo on Saturday for a two week vaction. I'll try to write as much as possible while i'm there but I won't be able to post until I return home. Follow me on tumblr at mexicankennedy for updates on how i'm doing with the writing.  
> Please leave a comment cuase y'all know they brighten my day and my life haha ;)


	10. Wherever I Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell, it has been over 5 months since I last updated and I am so deeply sorry. In my defense, I was very focused in school this semester and it payed off, given that this time I didnt fail anything.  
> This chapter was supposed to be an epilogue and instead it's literally the longest chapter in the whole fanfic. I guess I got carried away lmao.  
> I really hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> trigger warning: this chapter contains the use of homophobic slurs so be warned

November 2023

“Who's the present for?” Chad Harper asks Jamie, startling him. He picks up the gift and takes the aisle seat. Jamie is trying to be nice to him, he really is. After all, Harper is “the future of the franchise”. Unfortunately, being picked first overall in the draft has gone up to his head and Jamie finds him unbearable. But for the sake of the team, Jamie makes an effort to be decent towards the young player. “Is it for a girl?” Harper asks again, suggestively wagging his barely-there eyebrows. 

“Yes. A five year old one,” Jamie answers trying to keep the annoyance off his voice.

“You’re dating a five year old?” Harper says with a chuckle. He looks at Jamie as if he we were expecting him to laugh too, as if Jamie would find the implication of pedophilia funny in any way. 

“She's the daughter of a friend,” Jamie says, “If you’re going to sit next to me, would you please try to be quiet? I'm trying to get some sleep before we land.”

Harper  raises his arms in defeat, “Alright, captain. Whatever you say.” 

Jamie closes his eyes and leans back. He really does need to catch some sleep since he's not planning on sleeping much tonight. Unfortunately, his phone starts beeping with texts. The plane hasn't taken off yet so he's still got signal. He wishes he had turned his phone off. 

“You gonna get that?” Harper asks pointing at Jamie's pocket where beeping is coming from. 

“No,” Jamie answers. The thing is, he knows exactly who the texts are from. But he has no idea what's in them. The content in his boyfriend’s texts from tend to be R-rated, to say the least. 

It was during the first week they had to spend apart after the start of their relationship that Tyler sent him a dick pic for the first time. 

“Aren't we a little too old for sexting?” Jamie had told him.

“Dude, hasn't anyone told you the thirties are the new twenties?” Tyler replied, “Besides, don't act like you don't love it.”

Jamie did, in fact, love it. So much that later on, he sent Tyler a racy pic of his own. After that event, they’d been sexting on a daily basis with a pretty regular schedule. The sexting and Skype were the two things that kept Jamie from saying ‘fuck it’ and getting on the quickest flight to Massachusetts. Right now, after months of waiting, he's finally on his way to Boston’s airport. The Stars are playing against the Bruins tomorrow. It's the first time in five years that Tyler and Jamie are playing against each other. But more importantly, it's the first time in almost three months that they get to see each other. Actually see each other and not through a dumb screen. Jamie is so damn excited he wants to go inside the airplane’s cabin and tell the pilot to  _ hurry the fuck up _ and start the plane now so they can leave. Tyler is equally as eager and he's not ashamed to show it. All week he's been sending nudes to Jamie completely disregarding their usual schedule (late at night), and sending them at multiple odd times of the day instead. He even sent Jamie a video of himself jerking off at a bathroom that was clearly not in his house, or in any house for that matter. Jamie's pretty sure Tyler jerked off at the restroom in Olive Garden like some kind of pervert. Jamie kind of digs it but he's gotta admit it's a little inconvenient. Especially now that he's sitting next to Chad Harper, a guy that says ‘no homo’ more often than he says ‘hockey’ or ‘dude’ (and he says that a lot). 

If Jamie takes out his cellphone, he's in risk of Harper getting a glimpse at Tyler’s texts where he explains in detail all the things he wants Jamie to do to him. Tyler had promised that he’d be completely naked when he opened the door for Jamie. Jamie's looking forward to it so badly he's afraid that if he falls asleep he’ll dream about it and come in his pants like a boy entering puberty. He doesn't know how likely that escenario is, so he covers himself with a blanket just to be safe. Harper turns to talk to another teammate and Jamie quickly turns on airplane mode on his phone. After that, the phone stays quiet and Jamie is able to sleep peacefully. 

He manages to stay asleep for the entire duration of the flight until the plane lands and Harper practically slaps him awake. 

“Thank God I don’t have to room with you,” Harper says, “You snore like a bear, bro. No wonder your wife left you.”

The younger guys snicker at Harper’s joke but the rest of the team gasp and stare in shock. Clearly, the latter group thinks Harper crossed the line but Jamie is not exactly sensitive about his divorce. It was a thing that had to happen eventually. Of all the things an asshole like Harper could chirp him about, he chose the one Jamie gives less of a shit. 

“Yeah, my ex wife hated my snoring. But your mom doesn't mind,” Jamie replies nonchalantly. It’s incredibly dumb and immature (He’s 34 years old and saying ‘your mom’ jokes. What has the world come to?). Still, he can’t help to smile when the whole team loses their shit over it. Somebody starts singing the ‘Turn down for what’ tune and Harper rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Once they’re in the hotel lobby, Roussel lets him know that the team is going out for drinks at a nearby bar. Jamie quickly excuses himself saying he has other stuff he needs to do. 

“What kind of stuff?” Klingberg asks in confusion. 

“Yeah, what could possibly be more important than some good ole’ team bonding?” Devin pipes in.

No one on the team knows about his relationship with Tyler. If he told them that he was planning to go see him tonight, they’d probably assume they’re just friends and tell him to bring Tyler along to the bar. Before he can think of a convincing lie, Harper does it for him.

“Benn got himself a new ladyfriend. She’s a single mom or something, has a five year old kid that Jamie totally wants be stepdaddy to,” Harper says. 

“A MILF? Go Jamie!” Devin says and pats him in the back enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, get it, Chubbs!” Someone else adds. 

He gets more congratulations and chirps from his teammates and he doesn’t bother to tell them that Harper’s explanation isn't really the truth. Roussel eyes him suspiciously as he leaves to hail a cab but Jamie doesn’t think much of it. He’ll deal with whatever Roussel’s deal is later, after he’s gotten some well deserved alone time with his boyfriend. 

Jamie knocks on Tyler’s door and expects him to be naked, maybe wearing one of those robes he likes, as he had promised in his outrageous texts. However, when Tyler opens the door he’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. Jamie can tell he’s not wearing a shirt underneath but he’s definitely not naked. Also, he looks surprised, as if he wasn’t expecting Jamie to be there. 

“You’re here!” Tyler beams and throws his arms around Jamie’s neck as he ushers him inside. 

Jamie hugs him back and takes in his smell. Tyler doesn’t even smell that good  — a little sweaty actually—  but Jamie had gone without smelling  it for so long that he loves it. “Did you get the dates mixed up?” he asks Tyler, but kisses him before he’s even got a chance to answer. God, he’s really missed him. 

Tyler kisses him back almost as fervently, but it’s clear he’s holding back. “I ordered takeout,” Tyler explains when they break apart to breathe, “I’m still waiting for the delivery guy. It’s why I'm not naked. Couldn’t risk flashing him.”

Jamie lets out a snort at the image, “Yeah, that’d make the headlines for sure.”

“Can’t have that. I gotta behave now. I’m an NHL captain, you know,” Tyler says with a wink.

“Is that supposed to impress me?” Jamie asks sarcastically. 

“Is it working?” Tyler replies, still smiling like a dork. 

Jamie answers by kissing him again, this time with more intent. He all but carries Tyler into a nearby couch. Normally, he prefers the bed for this sort of activities but it’s been so long that he doesn't care as long as Tyler is under him. Tyler kisses him more enthusiastically than before but he’s still restraining himself.

“Hey— We can’t —I gotta —the Delivery guy—” Tyler mumbles incoherently, already short of breath. Jamie presses his lips to his to stop the mumbling but Tyler pulls away again, “Seriously though, aren’t you hungry?” 

“Oh, trust me I’m very hungry,” Jamie replies huskily and bites at Tyler’s neck, probably leaving marks. Tyler, despite all of his restraint, lets out an obscene moan. They only had about 2 months be truly together before the season started but in that time, Jamie managed to figure out exactly which parts of Tyler are the most sensitive. The neck is one of them. Jamie kisses and bites at it and Tyler finally gives in and tugs at Jamie’s hair. Jamie pulls the zipper on Tyler’s hoodie and start trailing down kisses from his neck to his shoulder and down to his chest. He’s about to gently bite at Tyler’s nipple when the doorbell rings. 

“Food’s here!” Tyler gasps and squirms away from under Jamie. He doesn’t bother to fix his hair or zip up his hoodie. It’s not as bad as opening the door naked but anyone could infer what he’s been up too. 

“It’ll be $28.30, sir,”  the delivery guy says when Tyler opens the door for him. Jamie can’t see him from where he’s sitting on the couch but he can still hear his voice. Judging from it, the guy can't be older than 20 years old. 

“Okay... Here you go,” Tyler says as he goes through his wallet and hands him a bill, “Keep the change.”

“What? But you gave me a hundred dollars!” The delivery guy yelps, “Are you serious? This is—” Tyler shuts the door in the guy's face and practically sprints back to the couch. He climbs into Jamie’s lap and kisses him with eagerness. He starts grinding against Jamie’s hard-on —something he hadn't done tonight— and Jamie sighs in delight. Jamie suddenly realizes he’s wearing way too many clothes. He takes off his suit jacket as Tyler undoes the buttons on his shirt. Jamie tries to remove Tyler’s hoodie but Tyler stops him. 

“Hold on, lemme just get this out of the pockets,” He says and takes out what appears to be lube and a string of condoms. 

“I don’t think we’re gonna need quite so many,” Jamie snickers. 

“I disagree,” Tyler whispers and takes off his sweatpants in one swift move, “You’re still wearing clothes.”

Tyler undoes his belt and practically rips his pants and underwear off him. 

“You’re so eager,” Jamie tells him. 

“You love it,” Tyler replies as he climbs back into his lap. 

Jamie does love it but he’s always preferred showing rather than telling so he draws Tyler closer and kisses him, open-mouthed and desperate. He trails his fingers down Tyler’s back and feels him shiver under his touch. When his hands reach Tyler’s ass, he squeezes it and swallows the gasp that escapes Tyler’s mouth. On any other night, Jamie would take his sweet time prepping Tyler. He likes making him wait, making him desperate enough to beg Jamie to fuck him already. Tonight, however, Jamie doesn’t have the strength to keep either of them from waiting another second. Tyler clearly shares the sentiment since it’s not before long that he’s sliding a condom on Jamie’s dick. He does it quickly and to the point, unlike all those times he’s done it using his mouth and made Jamie feel like his soul was leaving his body through his dick. Then, once he’s settled in the ideal position,  Tyler leans back and reaches behind himself to grasp Jamie’s cock and press it to his hole. He doesn’t get it in on the first try, or the second or third, but eventually he succeeds. 

“Fuck, I missed this,” Tyler whines, throwing his head back in pleasure. 

Jamie shows his agreement by thrusting from underneath him, getting his cock further inside. They find a rythm without much effort, probably because they’ve always in such great synch. The kind of chemistry that can’t be taught. They may not get to use it on the ice anymore but Jamie knows this is miles better than that. 

After only a few minutes of Tyler riding him like there’s no tomorrow, Jamie’s breath hitches and he comes with grunt so loud he has to hope Tyler’s neighbors are heavy sleepers. He’s about to feel embarrassed that he climaxed so quickly until he feels Tyler biting him on the shoulder and a warm substance spilling down his chest. 

“Did you just-” Jamie says into Tyler’s ear but cuts himself short when he realizes how stupid the question is. It’s pretty obvious that Tyler just came, even if neither of them touched his dick. “That’s never happened before.” 

“Yeah well, it’d been a while since I got any action,” Tyler replies, still short of breath. He climbs out of Jamie’s lap to dispose of the condom and grab some kleenex to clean up the mess on their stomachs. Jamie just sits there sprawled on the couch and looking at Tyler adoringly. 

“Did I ever tell you that I love how you look after you come?” Jamie says dopily. 

“You did,” Tyler says with a smirk, “But by all means keep telling me.” 

He settles next to Jamie on the couch to cuddle for a couple minutes. They lay there comfortably with each other, trading a few lazy kisses until Jamie’s stomach makes a borderline inhuman sound. 

“I thought you said you weren't hungry,” Tyler giggles.

“I had more important things to deal with at that moment,” Jamie replies. 

“Come on, babe. Let’s go eat.”

 

* * *

 

“Thanks for bringing Audrey a present. You can never go wrong with stuffed animals, specially if they’re puppies.  She’s gonna love it,” Tyler says as they finish eating their dinner in the kitchen. Jamie’s wearing nothing except boxer briefs and his unbuttoned dress shirt. His hair is looking floppy, just like Tyler likes it best, and Tyler can’t stop staring at him in disbelief that such a beautiful man is his.

“I hope she does. I feel bad for missing her birthday.” Jamie replies. He looks like he’s antsy, which extremely uncharacteristic of guy just had sex and ate dinner. “Is it weird that I’m nervous about tomorrow’s game?”

“Do you mean excited?” Tyler asks.

“No, I’m nervous. I’m afraid that I’ll hit you too hard and hurt you. Or that I won’t be able to hit you at all and let you score on us on every chance you get. Then everyone would think I went easy on you and it would confirm their suspicions,” Jamie rambles. 

There used to be a time when Jamie wouldn't have cared if people knew about them. A few months ago, Jamie had every intention of coming out in solidarity. It took a long time for Tyler to succeed in dissuading him from doing it. 

Why? Because being out is tough.

It’s not the worst, maybe. Tyler knows things could be a lot harder for him. If he were in another country with a more backwards policy, he’d be in a concentration camp or maybe even dead. He’s grateful to live in America, and even better, in one of its most liberal states. But just because things don’t totally suck, doesn't mean that it’s been all sunshine and rainbows. He’s lost count of how many videos of people burning his jersey he’s seen, how many “GOD HATES FAGS” signs there have been at games, how many letters the Westboro Baptist Church has sent him (letters he has never opened because he’s afraid they might be laced with anthrax), etcetera, etcetera. Worst of all, his father hasn’t spoken to him in months. After Tyler was outed, his dad sent him a single text (“incredibly disappointed. didnt raise you to be a queer”) and then blocked his number. Later on, his sisters let him know that their dad told them that he would only talk to him again when Tyler “decided to start acting like a real man”. Their relationship had never been the greatest, but the whole ordeal hurt more than Tyler would like to admit.   So while the majority of his family, his teammates, his closest friends, and even the league have all been extremely supportive, Tyler still has to endure a lot of homophobic shit on a daily basis. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone, much less on the person he loves the most. 

It took some arguing, but Jamie had agreed to come out after retiring from hockey, once he stepped out of the limelight and could have more respect for his privacy. There’s still a couple of years missing for that to happen and in the meantime, it appears Jamie’s afraid of people’s suspicions.

“You haven’t seen any of the promotion for this game, have you?” Tyler asks. 

“Um... no? There’s been promotion for it?” Jamie replies in confusion. 

“It’s a nationally televised game, Benny. Of course there’s promotion!” Tyler explains, “Everyone’s making a huge deal out of our so called rivalry. They’re making it seem like we’re the hockey equivalent of Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.”

“Who’s Manning and who’s Brady?” Jamie ponders. 

“I’m Brady. Obviously,” Tyler answers smugly. 

“You sure about that? Cause you’re the one with the bigger forehead,” Jamie says, pretending to measure it with his fingers. 

“Hey! My forehead happens perfectly normal sized and I have to be Brady cause he played for a Boston team,” Tyler says, “And you don’t even like him. You don’t get to be him. Why are you resisting being Manning?”

“Relax, I just like messing with you,” Jamie says laughing and Tyler jokingly smacks him in the shoulder, “Besides, neither of us is Manning or Brady. Because I’m pretty sure they weren’t fucking.”

“You never know, maybe they were,” Tyler replies and tries to erase the image of those two together from his brain.

“Probably not. And I’m also pretty sure you and I can’t have a rivalry since we’re not even in the same conference.”

“Yeah well, tell that to the media. They’re dumb. And Heteronormative.”

“Oooh that’s a big word,” Jamie acts impressed. 

“Shut up,” Tyler says and smacks him in the shoulder again. Only this time Jamie returns the playful smack, which leads to wrestling, which leads to making out on the kitchen counter. “My point is,” Tyler says while trying to catch his breath, “People aren’t smart enough have suspicions. They used to think we were just bros and now they think we’re enemies.”

“Enemies? You make it sound like we want to destroy each other,” Jamie replies. 

“Maybe so. But I just want you to get that there’s nothing to worry about. We’ll go out there and play it like it’s any other game and no one will suspect a thing,” Tyler tells him but Jamie doesn’t look too convinced. “I’m serious, babe. It’ll be fine. Stop worrying so much.”

Jamie lets out a deep sigh and gives him one of his signature soft smiles, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It will all be fine.”

“Trust me, it will,” Tyler says as he twirls a strand of Jamie’s hair in his fingers, “Now, let’s go upstairs so you can destroy me...with your dick.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Jamie says with fondness and leads him to the bedroom. 

\---

The universe loves to surprise Tyler. It just really loves proving him wrong. It turns out, the game doesn’t go as smoothly as he had predicted. 

It starts out pretty normal. He and Jamie sneak glances at each other during warmups. At puck drop, he shakes Jamie’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Jamie manages to keep a neutral expression on his face while this happens. Tyler, on the other hand, has always been an open book when it comes to his emotions. Still, he didn’t think it mattered since, like he had told Jamie, nobody suspected anything. If he had been right about that before the game, he certainly wasn’t after it ended. 

The first periods of the game are a pretty even affair. Jamie does check Tyler a couple times, but not without apologizing in barely audible whispers. Both teams score a goal each, courtesy of Pastrnak and the Stars talented rookie, Chad Harper. Tyler thinks the game might go to OT or even a shutout but things become more one sided in the third period. The refs start to favor the Stars for some reason, calling rigorist penalties against the Bruins and none against the Stars. The game’s 3 to 1 after a couple power play goals from Dallas. Tyler can tell his team is getting frustrated with the way the calls are going. He hates that he knows it’s because of him. Some refs just happen to have conservative beliefs that they can’t leave off of the ice. Everyone starts getting scrappy towards the end of the game and it culminates with a mass scuffle. Baker is the one who initiates it by going after Chad Harper. Harper, being considerably smaller than Tyler’s teammate and clearly not knowing any better, fights back. Tyler knows that Baker, who’s more aggressive than he appears, is perfectly capable of ripping Chad’s head off if nobody stops him. They don’t need to take more dumb penalties so Tyler takes it upon himself to break them apart before it goes any further. He barely touches Harper when the younger player flinches way dramatically. 

“Get your queer hands off of me, you faggot,” Harper snarls. 

A couple players gasp audibly in shock.  Tyler knows the punch is coming. Slurs aren’t unusual to him anymore. It’s so common it’s practically routine. If some douche on the rival team calls him something homophobic, one of his teammates would beat the guy (“We gotta set a precedent,” a teammate had said, “Gotta teach these assholes that their homophobic shit won’t fly anymore). So yeah, he’s not surprised to see Harper fall to the ice after getting punched. But he is surprised to see who it was to deliver the hit. Everyone is aghast, the players, the crowd, and probably even the people watching at home.  

“Dude…” Hitch whispers, “Benn just hit his own teammate.” 

“What the fuck?!” Harper yells holding his nose. Shit, Tyler thinks it might be bleeding. “Ref! Aren’t you gonna call anything?!”  

“Umm…” The refs look at each other in confusion, just as shocked as everyone else. “Ain’t no penalty against hitting someone in your own team,” one of them says after a few moments of silent deliberation. 

Jamie skates away to the Stars bench without saying anything or even sparing a glance in Tyler’s direction. Harper goes after Jamie, yelling insults and complaints that go completely ignored. 

“Bro, what the hell just happened?” Pasta asks him and Tyler wishes he could give him an answer. All he knows is that Jamie just fucked up things for himself in a very public way. 

* * *

 

“Do you care to explain what in the fucking world were you fucking thinking?!” The Stars coach yells at him once the game is over, “Punching your own teammate?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?!” 

“He said something he shouldn’t have,” Jamie answers, “He should be held accountable.”

“That is for the league to decide, not you! You can’t just punch our star player! In the middle of a game, no less!” 

“He’s a homophobic asshole,” Jamie mutters under his breath. 

“I don’t care if he’s the incarnation of Satan himself! He’s our leading scorer and he is the future of the franchise! And at least for the time being, you’re part of the same team. Do you happen to know who isn’t?” Coach asks but Jamie feels like the question is rhetorical so he remains silent. “Tyler Seguin. He’s been gone for years! I do not know what happened between you two and I absolutely do not care but—”

“This isn’t about Seguin,” Jamie interrupts, lying through his teeth. 

“So you would have done this for any other guy? Do you really expect anyone to believe that?”

Jamie can only hope. Because yeah, he would not have done that for anyone else but Tyler. 

“If you’re gonna suspend me, just get it over with,”  he says.

“I can’t suspend you, you idiot! Harper’s nose is broken . He’s gonna miss a couple games at least. If neither of you plays, then it’s guaranteed we’ll lose.”

“Okay then are we done here? Can I be excused now?” Jamie says sarcastically. He knows he shouldn’t be sassing his coach. But he’s annoyed with him after acting like the sun shines out of Harper’s ass.

“Not yet. I have one more question,” Coach says, earning another sigh from Jamie, “If it wasn't because of Seguin then… was it because of you?”

“Are you asking me if I’m gay, coach?” Jamie asks dumbfounded. The question is a drastic invasion of privacy. And after the coach’s complete disregard for homophobic behavior, Jamie does not feel comfortable coming out to him. 

“I’m just saying. It would explain some things and-”

“It really is none of your business. And regardless of my sexual orientation, a locker room without tolerance is not one I want to be a part of,” Jamie snaps at him. 

“Thank you, Benn. I’ll take that into consideration. You can leave now,” Coach tells him in a more business like tone and Jamie walks out of the office. 

When he checks his phone he sees he’s got a ton of missed calls from Tyler, which is bad sign from the get-go. Tyler has always been more a texter than a caller. He’ll have to call him back until he’s in his hotel room free from his noisy teammates. Speaking of noisy teammates, Roussel inexplicably sits next to him on the bus. 

“Hey, I need to talk to ya,” Rouss whispers to him. there’s nobody sitting near them, probably because they all had the common sense to avoid Jamie tonight.

“Can’t it wait? I’m  not in the talking mood right now,” Jamie replies. 

Rouss huffs out a quiet snort, “You’re literally never in a talking mood, Jamie. But don’t worry, I’ll be quick,” Roussel says in a completely out character low voice. 

Jamie sighs and gives him a nod. 

“I just wanted to tell ya that I’m proud of you. For finally getting your shit together. It took you almost a decade but better late than never, right?” Roussel says a gives a nudge. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jamie admits. He thinks there might be some context that was lost in translation. 

“You know, I had my suspicions since the season started. I knew there was a reason you looked more upbeat. No one’s that happy after getting a divorce. And tonight you confirmed it for me,” Roussel tells him. 

“I’m still not following, Rouss,” he replies. Maybe he really is too tired for conversation.

“Listen… you don’t have to pretend with me. I got your back. I won't tell anyone, I promise.”

“You’re gonna have to spell it out for me because I don’t-”

“I’m talking about you and Tyler, dumbass. You and Tyler fucking each other, since you need me to be more explicit,” Roussel blurts out, a little less quietly but not enough for anyone else to hear. 

“Oh.” Jamie would have never thought Roussel of all people, would be the one to figure it out. 

“Yeah, you can fool all the other guys on the team cause most of them weren’t here to witness how you two used to be. But I was, so you can’t fool me.”

“How we used to be?” Jamie asks. 

“Always touching each other. Whispering in each other’s ears. Giggling about jokes no else understood. And damn, the way he looked at you was so obvious, man. I thought you two were actually together,” Roussel explains.

“What made you realize we weren’t? What makes you think we are now?” Jamie is conflicted learning that he was so obvious.

“Well, eventually I realized that you weren’t looking back at him the same way. And then you met Katie. At that point I thought it was a one sided thing from Tyler’s side. But when he left the team you were so upset that I figured the truth out.” Roussel says sounding incredibly proud of himself for putting together his theories. 

“Sounds like you’re too invested in my love life. And Tyler’s,” Jamie tells him mockingly but Rouss doesn’t laugh. “Hypothetically speaking, would you be okay with it? If Tyler and I were together. Hypothetically.” 

“Hypothetically speaking, and in reality as well, I would be more than okay with it. You two are my friends and I want you both to be happy,” Roussel replies, “So like I said, I’m proud of you. Both of you. For figuring your shit out at last. Even if you don’t feel comfortable enough to outright admit it to me.”

“No, I am. It’s just that I gotta be careful with these things. And what I did tonight didn't help. But thank you, Rouss. Really,” Jamie says, sounding as earnest as possible, “It’s nice to know there’s still some someone on this team who’d have my back even if I’m not straight.”

“I’m sure I’m not the only one. Harper wouldn’t, obviously. But he can go fuck himself. Most of the guys are good dudes. And you’re their captain. They wouldn’t turn on you if you told them about Tyler.”

“Maybe you’re right. But I’m still not taking any chances,” Jamie replies. He’s not going to come out to anyone else any time soon. Especially now that there’s a blatant homophobe in the team and everyone is seemingly cool with it. Still, he steps out of the bus feeling better than before.

He calls Tyler once he’s in his room. Tyler picks up after one single ring. 

“Hey,” Tyler says, not sounding very upbeat.

“Hey, just returning your calls. Is everything alright?” Jamie asks, knowing it probably isn’t.

“What time does your plane leave? Do you have time to talk?” Tyler asks in return, ignoring Jamie’s question.

“It was postponed until tomorrow morning. Something about Harper’s broken nose and the air pressure or some-“

“You broke his nose?!” Tyler exclaims. 

“Yeah,” Jamie says quietly, “He’s also got a mild concussion.” 

“Wow. I got lucky that time we fought, didn’t I? All I got were a couple bruises,” Tyler jokes and Jamie’s somewhat relieved that Tyler isn’t mad enough to stop being funny. 

“Maybe cause I didn’t really want to mess up your pretty face,” Jamie says.

“It’s not like Harper is ugly. He’s actually kind of cute,” Tyler replies.

“You know he’d flip if he heard you say that, right?” 

“Probably. But you know what they say about how the biggest homophobes are usually closeted.”

“I always found that to be bullshit. Sometimes homophobes are just that. Homophobes,” Jamie sighs. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Tyler says also sighing, “Anyways, since your plane leaves until tomorrow do you think you could come over? So we can talk properly. Unless they got you on lockdown or something.”

“No, it’s alright. I can be there in 20 minutes,” Jamie answers. He takes a second to be grateful that he’s not actually on lockdown before worry fills him. “Quick question before you hang up, are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad. Why would I be mad at you? I’m just…”

“Disappointed?” Jamie guesses.

“What? No, I’m not disappointed either. I’m  _ worried _ , Jamie. Worried about what will happen to you now,” Tyler says and Jamie realizes that there is noticeable preoccupation in Tyler's voice. “Just get your beautiful ass to my apartment so we talk about it further. Like the emotionally intelligent adults we are.”

“Emotionally intelligent adults? Have you been talking to Jordie?”

“He may or may not have given me a book on the subject. But that’s beside the point. Just come over. Please.”

“I’m on my way. See you in twenty,” Jamie says and hangs up so he can order an uber.  He takes the stairs to avoid running into anyone and hops into the car hoping none of his teammates saw him leave. 

Tyler punches him in the shoulder the second he opens the door. 

“Hey! what was that for? You said you weren’t mad!” Jamie complains rubbing the spot where Tyler hit him. 

“I’m not mad. It’s just what you did was beyond stupid. Come on, Jamie. You have to know it was the dumbest thing you could have done,” Tyler says, “It wasn’t even necessary! Someone else could have punched him!”

“You can’t punch for shit and you know it,” Jamie replies. 

“I’m not talking about me! I had five teammates on the ice who would have easily stood up for me. That's not your job, Jamie. You aren’t my teammate anymore.”

“I am your boyfriend, though. Pretty sure that outranks teammate,” Jamie sighs and flops down on the couch, “Listen, I already got a lecture about this tonight and I’m not in the mood for another one so if you could just-”

“Wait, who gave you a lecture?” Tyler interrupts him. He had already said he was worried but Jamie could have guessed it from his demeanor. His hair sticking up wildly in different directions and he’s speaking fast and almost frantically. 

“The coach did. Harper’s gonna have to miss a couple games so he was pissed about me costing him his bright young star player who can do no wrong,” Jamie rants, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He rests his face on his hands in frustration and hears Tyler’s steps walking away. 

He rests his face on his hands in frustration and hears Tyler’s steps walking out of the living room. For a minute he thinks maybe he’s scared Tyler away, until he feels him sit on the couch next to him.

“Here, let me,” Tyler says softly while trying to take his hand. He had gone to the kitchen to get ice for Jamie’s knuckles. Jamie gives him his bruised hand and lets Tyler do his thing. “I hope you’re not thinking that I don’t understand why you did it. I totally do. I probably would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed.”

“You would have broken your fingers,” Jamie mutters. It’s not an exaggeration. Tyler’s forte has never been throwing punches.

“Maybe. Remember that time Bortuzzo jabbed you with his stick? That guy was like twice my size. He would have probably killed me, but I didn’t give a shit. He hurt you and I just  couldn’t help to hulk out,” Tyler says still gently stroking Jamie’s knuckles. 

“That was not your brightest moment,” Jamie jokes. 

Tyler chuckles lightly, “No, I guess not. But neither was yours tonight. And that’s my point. I love you just as much as you love me. Maybe even more,” Tyler stops Jamie’s attempts to contradict that, “So yeah, I do get why you did it. I’m sorry if I was a dick about it. It’s just that this will bring issues for you. Last thing I want for you is people saying you’re locker room cancer. I’ve been there and trust me when I tell you that it is not fun,” he lifts Jamie’s hand up to his lips and presses a soft kiss to it, “I just want you to be happy. That’s all.”

“I am happy,” Jamie replies, “I’m the happiest I’ve been in years. I don’t care if people say stuff about me or if they figure out we’re together. Although for all they know, I’m just very passionate about gay rights.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. I may have fueled the fire with my post game interview,” Tyler says biting his lip.

“Did you proclaim your burning love for me to NESN?” Jamie says amused.

“It wasn’t quite as bad but I did said some things about you being the best teammate I ever had and being instrumental to my success in the league,” Tyler admits sheepishly. 

“Am I really?” Jamie asks but Tyler’s blushed cheeks are all the answer he needs. He cups his hand around Tyler’s neck and bring him in to kiss him. It’s been less than 24 hours since they last kissed so they get to be soft for once, instead of frantic and urgent as last night. It doesn’t last very long though. After a while, Tyler climbs into his lap to straddle him and the kisses turn hotter. 

“You have a lot of fans in the Bruins locker room by the way,” Tyler says when they break apart for air.

“I do?” 

“Yeah, they all think you’re some gay rights hero. Even Marchy texted me to say that you’re growing on him.” 

“Good to know I finally have his blessing,” Jamie replies sarcastically, “Now can we not talk about Brad Marchand while we’re about to have sex?” 

Tyler stiffles his loud laughter into Jamie’s shoulder. “Whatever you want, babe.”

It’s almost 4am when Tyler wakes him up. 

“I don’t want to go,” Jamie whines. He feels like a kid refusing to wake up for school in the morning. 

“You’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t leave now, Jamie,” Tyler tells him, while repeatedly poking him in the stomach. 

He’s already in bad terms with the team so missing the flight home is the last thing he needs. Still, he hates having to leave, hates having to be apart from Tyler. Somehow, he manages to leave the bed and get dressed. He cries a little when he’s saying goodbye to Tyler, which is an unusual reversal of their dynamic. They kiss one last time before Jamie gets into his Uber and they’re apart once again. 

The next few weeks fly by. Jamie tries his hardest to make things right with the team again. Most guys still respect him. But then there’s the small but growing faction of Harper’s followers who try to undermine Jamie with every chance they get. Harper refuses to play on the same line as Jamie. The coach, instead of telling Harper to get over himself, demotes Jamie to the second line and reduces his ice time. 

Despite his drop in production, Jamie still manages to get voted for the All Star game. He’s genuinely never been more thankful to have fans. It turns out to be one of the best weekends of his life. Not only does he get to be with Tyler but also Audrey, who’s almost a full inch taller but still the same bright, cheerful kid she was when Jamie last saw her. It’s good fun all around. 

Another month of lackluster performance goes by and suddenly it’s time for the Stars to face the Bruins again. Harper fakes having the flu to avoid playing. 

“I don’t wanna share the ice with that fag and the rest of his fag team,” he declares to the locker room. Jamie can’t do anything but clench his fists in anger. 

Harper may be an absolute asshole but he is the Stars top scorer and without him in the lineup, the Bruins beat them without a struggle. At this point in the season, it’s pretty clear the Stars have no chance of making the playoffs and Jamie’s disappointed but not surprised. It’s hard to be a good team when the two faces of the franchise can’t stand the thought of each other.

It comes to a breaking point after the last game of the season. Harper approaches him in the darkness of the parking lot and Jamie is briefly afraid that he’s gonna try to harm him.

“Well Benn, I hope you enjoyed your last game as a Dallas Star. Can’t say it’s been a pleasure,” Harper says. 

“My last game? What the hell are you talking about?” 

“You didn’t think I was that stupid did you? I got you all figured out, dude,” Harper says while Jamie stares back at him in confusion, “Remember that time you bought a present for a five year old girl? Well, I remembered and I did some digging on your boy Seguin and turns out he just happens to have a five year old daughter.”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to get at-“

“There’s no point in denying it, Benn. I already figured it out. My research was very extensive. You stared at him a lot back when he still played here. Not to mention you two faggots were all over each other at the All Star game.” 

“Listen to me, you fucker,” Jamie snaps at him.

“No, you listen to me. It’s been hell having to share the locker room with a homo. Always worrying that you might look at me in the showers-“

“Don’t flatter yourself. I wouldn’t look at your dick even if you forced me to,” Jamie says.

“Whatever. All that is finally over. Management will talk to you soon. You’re someone else’s problem now,” Harper replies smugly and walks away to his car. 

Jamie drives home in a daze, still stunned by Harper’s words. What on earth did he mean by saying management would talk to him soon? Would they really believe Harper’s theory about his relationship with Tyler? Obviously he isn’t wrong but he’s got literally no proof. Would management really do something to Jamie because of what Harper told them?  

He wishes he could talk to Tyler about the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, Jamie’s call goes straight to voicemail and he remembers the Bruins game had been on the west coast, against the Sharks and was most likely still going on. Jamie’s so anxious and stressed he’d have trouble sleeping if he wasn’t so damn tired. He may have had a terrible season but he still gave it his best and worked as hard as he could for the team. He falls asleep hoping it wasn’t all for nothing. 

Management calls him the next day, just as Harper had told him. It’s awkward from the start. They sit him down and try to explain the situation to him. Apparently, Harper had given them an ultimatum and threatened to leave the team if they didn’t get rid of Jamie. 

“We don’t want you to think that we don’t appreciate all you’ve done for this organization,” the GM says. It’s not Jim Nill anymore, he left a couple years ago. This GM is some other guy, younger and with ridiculously ugly mustache. Jamie doesn’t really have any respect for him.

“You sure have a funny way of showing your appreciation,” Jamie sneers. 

There are some loud sighs on the room. “Listen, son,” The Stars president says, “You’ve been long enough on this league to understand that above all, the NHL is a business.”

“Precisely,” the GM complements, “And we gotta do what’s best for the business. When the top two players on the team don’t get along, that’s bad for business.” 

“‘Don’t get along’? You make it sound as a playground feud,” Jamie says sarcastically.

“Whatever the reason behind your disagreements, it doesn’t matter. Chad made it clear that it was beyond fixing and that we needed to choose one of you,” the president replies. His voice is monotonous as if he was doing Jamie a favor. 

“It is at this point that we had to take the choice that was best for the organization,” the GM says, “Unfortunately, that’s not you anymore. You’re considerably older than him and you probably don’t have a lot of gas left in you. It was only logical that we go with the younger choice who has been a lot more productive than you have been this year.”

“He’s young but he’s shown enough potential and professionalism for us to trust that he is able to lead this team,” some other guy on the table adds. Jamie doesn’t know who the guy is but he instantly wants to deck him.

“Professionalism?” Jamie says aghast, “He’s a fucking bigot! That’s really what you want as the face of your franchise?”

“Look, Jamie. We respect the choices you may take in regards to your lifestyle,” the GM tells him. 

“My lifestyle?” Jamie cuts him off. Anyone who refers to gayness as lifestyle is fucking ignorant. 

“What he means is that we don’t care if you’re gay. That’s not why we’re trading you,” the  president explains, “It’s the fact that your sexual preferences have interfered with the dynamic of this team for a second time and-“

“Wait, hold the fuck on. When have my, excuse you, sexual preferences, affected this team in any way?” Jamie asks.

“Well, not that it matters now but it’s clear as day to us that you had something to do with Seguin’s departure from the team,” the president answers.

“You don’t know anything about-“

“Perhaps not. But like I said, it doesn’t matter now. Harper gave us his side of the story and we’re frankly not interested in hearing yours. We don’t need a he said-he said situation.”

“Jamie, we didn’t call this meeting looking to fight or argue with you,” the GM says, “Our decision has been made. We’re only letting you know in advance as courtesy, so you have time to get your affairs in order.”

Jamie guesses he could still put up a fight. He could all his agent, the NHLPA or even You Can Play. But what would be the point? Who would want to play for a team that clearly didn’t want them?

“Alright,” Jamie sighs, “Where are you trading me?”

“That part hasn’t been determined just yet. The playoffs are barely starting and we can’t agree on anything with anybody until the season is fully over,” the GM says. He looks fucking excited about it, like he really can’t wait to see what he can get in exchange for Jamie. “Do you any preferences as to where you want to go? Nothing too specific, of course.”

“Anywhere on the East Coast,” Jamie replies dryly. There’s literally zero chance they would send him to Boston but if he’s a five hour drive away, he’ll take it. 

“Duly noted,” the GM says with a fake smile as he writes it down in his phone.

“We make no promises, though,” the president adds, “In the end we’ll take the best offer we get.” 

Jamie gets up from his chair and leaves the room. He drives home in a daze. The way he feels can only be described as numb. He dedicated almost 15 years of his life, his whole career, to people who ended up throwing him away like garbage. At the very least, he’s got someone who will understand him.

 

* * *

 

Things are looking up for Tyler. The Bruins have been playing good hockey. Good enough to grab a wild card spot for the playoffs. He hopes it’s good enough to win the cup but realistically, he knows that’s very unlikely. The off-season is gonna be pretty great to boot. He’s got a nice family vacation to BC with Jamie and Audrey. It’ll be a chance to lay low and have fun with his favorite people in the world and he’ll finally get the well needed rest he deserves after the year he’s had. The last game of the regular season was tiring and the long flight home didn’t help. It was almost 5am when he was finally able to get into bed. Thankfully, the next day was an off day and he got to sleep in late. It’s noon when he awakens and realizes he had a missed call from a Jamie last night. He’s still a little drowsy but he dials Jamie’s number anyway. The Stars also played their last game of the regular season last night and they’re missing the playoffs for the second year in a row so Tyler knows Jamie is probably not in the best mood right now. 

“Hey, sorry it took me so long to call you back,” Tyler says as soon as Jamie picks up. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jamie replies. Tyler expected him to be sad but  he sounds really dejected and it catches him off guard.

“What happened? Are you okay? Is everything alright? Did you get hurt? Did something happen to your family?” Tyler asks without pausing long enough for Jamie to answer. 

Instead of giving him an actual answer, Jamie laughs. It’s doesn’t sound like a very happy laugh, though. “Calm down, Ty,” he says softly, “Everything is alright. Well not everything but-“

“Yeah, you don’t sound alright. You sound sad.” 

“I am. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry too much about it,” Jamie says.

“Why are you sad? Did you watch ‘Marley and Me’ again? God, that movie is fucked up.” They had watched it last summer with Audrey, and the three of them had cried enough to rival Niagara falls.

“I didn’t watch anything. Umm, there’s been a bit of a situation. With the team.”

And so Jamie explains everything to him. How Chad Harper had asked the team to to trade Jamie away and how the dumbasses at the stars front office agreed instead of telling Harper to get over himself. 

“You should sue them,” Tyler suggests. 

“What for? It’s not like I need the money.”

“Don’t do it for the money. Do it just to screw them over. Fucking assholes. Who the fuck do they think they are?” 

“They’re just doing what’s best for their business,” Jamie explains, resignation in his voice.

“Why aren’t you more angry about this? You sound like you don’t even care that much.”

“I guess I don’t. I was more upset before. Talking to you, just hearing your voice I guess, put some things into perspective. About what really matters in the end.” 

“Wow. You’re welcome?” Tyler replies making Jamie laugh again, “Do you know where they’re sending you yet?”

“No, but I did ask them to send me to an east coast team if it was possible.” 

“They probably won’t send you here. We don’t have the cap space and I’m not sure we have anything decent to offer in return,” Tyler laments.

“Yeah, I figured. Best case scenario I’ll be a dive hour drive away. That’s not too bad. I could visit you on my off days.”

“That does sounds nice. But I’m still so angry on your behalf,” Tyler tells him. 

“Don’t be. There’s no point to it,” Jamie says and Tyler suspects he’s more sad than he’s letting on.

“Why don’t you get your cute butt on a plane over here so I can cheer you up properly?” Tyler suggests.

“I don’t know. I’m not really the best company right now. Besides, you got the playoffs coming up. I don’t wanna distract you.”

“You won’t distract me, come on. I’ll be better if you’re with me. And so will you so it’s a win win situation and you know it,” Tyler says.

“Alright, I’ll book a flight for tonight,” Jamie says with a sigh but Tyler can hear the smile in his voice. 

Despite what he had claimed on their call, Jamie’s pretty miserable when he gets to Boston. He's miserable enough to not only turn down his favorite donuts but also to reject a cheer up blow job from Tyler. That’s worrisome enough for Tyler to know he’ll need reinforcements. He drives by Rachel’s house after morning skate to pick up Audrey, who’s delighted to be free of her newest baby sister. 

“She cries all the time. So much crying can’t be normal. She’s a mutant baby,” Audrey explains to Jamie while they’re having lunch.

“Well, babies are like that,” he tells her with a smile. 

“I don’t get it. What is she even crying for? What problems could she have?” Audrey whines.

“What problems could  _ you _ have? You’re five!” Tyler says.

“Well, I have homework and chores and dumb teachers at school and there’s also the mutant baby I have to live with,” she explains. “Life is hard when you’re five.”

At this point neither Tyler nor Jamie can hold back their laughter. Audrey feigns offense for a moment but then joins in on the laughter. Her outrageous statements have only gotten more fluent with age and Jamie’s mood is instantly better. 

Unfortunately, things on the ice can’t be as great as they’re at home. The Bruins get slaughtered 5 to 2 by the Senators on home ice. It’s tough, but they tell themselves they’ll turn it around next game, that they’ll be better defensively and that they’ll score more. They achieve only one of those things and they fall again, this time 2 to 1, the sole goal courtesy of Tyler. The next game takes place in Ottawa and it’s a much tighter one but they still lose in overtime. It is at this point that Tyler starts to freak out a little. If they lose the next game, it’ll be a clean sweep. Few things are more embarrassing than getting swept in the playoffs. Tyler lowkey knew they wouldn’t get too far but he didn’t think it’d be this bad. He plays the next game with a mission. They won’t get swept even if his life depends on it. The Bruins’ performance is their best yet and they win 6 to 1, with a hat trick from Tyler. The Senators have a 3-1 series lead against them but he thinks about all the 3-1 blown leads in sports history and tells himself that the Bs can still turn it around and win it. Once again, he tries to play the game of his life. This time, however, it doesn’t work out and despite Tyler’s two goals, the Bruins lose again in OT. They didn’t get swept but apparently nobody told the media or the fans who act like the Bruins had their shittiest playoff run in history. 

He’s sitting on his couch watching NESN miserably as the guys on tv complain about the Bruins situation. They’re talking about how despite Tyler’s incredible efforts, he’s just not good enough.

“The fact is, he can’t do it by himself. He needs help from his teammates to win games. And since he’s clearly not getting enough of it, maybe he also needs help leading them. A team captain should be able to-“ the guy’s rant is cut off when Audrey turns off the TV.

“I was watching that, you know,” he tells her.

“And now you aren’t,” she replies, “Come to the kitchen. Jamie and I made you something.” 

He gets up from the couch to follow his daughter into the kitchen and instantly spots a huge cake on the counter. He walks closer to inspect it and realizes it has something written in it with white frosting.

It says “ _ Sorry you lost _ ” on top with _ “Best Dad Ever”  _ underneath that.

“Audrey wanted me to teach her how to bake and we wanted to cheer you up. So we did this,” Jamie says and points at the cake. 

The cake is a little ugly and it’s probably not the best as far as cakes go. But Tyler loves it more than any edible thing he’s seen in his life.  

“Thank you,” he says, his voice breaking a little. He picks up Audrey with one arm and hugs Jamie with the other, trying to convey how grateful he truly is. 

He now understands what Jamie meant days earlier when he said Tyler had helped to put things into perspective, about what really matters in the end. Hockey is pretty great and all but nothing, literally nothing, is more important than family. He may have got knocked out of the playoffs in an embarrassing fashion hut he is extremely blessed to have his daughter, Jamie and their crooked, ugly cake. 

They’re in Victoria when Tyler gets a call from his agent. Jamie’s mom is showing Audrey her garden while Tyler tries to help the Benn brothers light up the grill. They can’t manage to do it and Jordie and Jamie are two seconds away from starting a wrestling match because of it. He walks away to take the call and hopes they behave while he’s gone.

“Sorry to bother you on your break,” His agent says, “I know you’re out of town and I wouldn’t have bothered you if it wasn’t necessary.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tyler replies, “what’s going on?”

“The Bruins want you to take a pay cut,” his agent explains. “They made it clear it’s not a punishment of any kind. They just want to free up some cap space for a big trade they wanna get.”

“Who are they trading for?” Tyler asks. “Who?”

“They didn’t say. Does it matter?”

“Is there any way you could find out who it is?” 

“Are you okay with the pay cut or not? I got other things to do, Tyler,” his agent snaps. He never was a very patient guy.

“Yeah, sure,” Tyler answers and ends the call to start another one with someone else. He sneaks a glance at Jamie and Jordie who still haven’t managed to make the grill work but are seemingly getting along. “Who are the Bruins trading for?” He asks the second the rings stop.

“Oh hello to you to, Seggy. I’ve been good thanks for asking, how about you?” Marchand replies. 

“Sorry. I just wanna know if-“

“If we’re trading for your boy?” Marchy cuts him off.

“Yeah, if you just happened to know anything about it I would really appreciate if you-“ 

“You sound so weird when you’re actually polite,” Marchy says interrupting him again and Tyler grunts in frustration. “Relax, bro. If you must know, we are indeed trying to get Benn on our team. It’s almost a done deal, we’re just figuring out the cap space.”

“What are they getting in return for him?” 

“It’s so hilarious, you’re gonna laugh out loud. The Stars GM is a total dumbass,” Marchand says chuckling, “Get this: he settled for our second round draft pick and prospect. That’s it.”

“You can’t be serious,” Tyler replies. 

“I am. The guy clearly doesn’t think as highly of Jamie as you do.”

“Nobody thinks as highly as Jamie as I do,” he says.

“Good point.  Still, this has gotta be one of the dumbest trades since yours,” Marchand says still chuckling, “Anyways, I gotta go, dude. There’s still some things to sort out but it should be done soon. We’ll talk later.”

Jubilant screams coming from the brothers’ direction suddenly startle Tyler. For a second he thinks maybe, Jamie already found out. On second glance he realizes Jamie and Jordie’s reason of celebration is that they finally made the grill work. He decides not to tell Jamie yet, to avoid jinxing it. This requires an extreme amount of restraint because all Tyler wants to do is take a victory lap around the Benn’s neighborhood. He’s just gotta hold on until they call Jamie, hopefully just a couple, hours. In his own head, Tyler allows himself to picture how great it’s gonna be. They’ll probably buy a new house. Maybe they can get another dog. They’ll drive to the rink together every morning and they’ll get to play together after so many years. Tyler almost too giddy and excited to eat dinner but he somehow manages. When Jamie’s phone rings, Tyler can’t help to jump up and scream “Answer it!” 

Jamie looks at him like he’s crazy (and with good reason to) but he answers the call nonetheless. His eyes suddenly open up like giant saucers and jumps up from his chair too. 

“Are we playing a game or something?” Audrey asks.

“What’s going on, Jamie?” His mom asks once he’s hung up the phone.

“I, uh, got traded to Boston,” he replies exuding pure happiness from his voice. The joy actually makes him seem so much younger, almost as if he just got drafted instead of traded. The atmosphere is similar to that too. Everyone at the table claps and cheers with enthusiasm. Audrey gets up to do some kind of celebration dance and Tyler laughs at her while ruffling her hair.

Jamie’s never been a fan of public demonstrations of affection, but forgets about that for a minute and walks over to Tyler. He wraps his arms around Tyler’s waist and dips him as far they can bend without falling over. They bring their lips together in a sweet kiss that feels almost as good as their very first one. They look into each other's eyes afterwards and they don’t need any words to convey how they feel. 

After all the bullshit and hardships, things will finally be they way they were meant to be. Maybe it’s in Boston when it could have been in Dallas, but the city doesn’t really matter. As long as they’re together, they both know it’s where they belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a year since I first started writing this and now it's finaaly done. So much has changed since then. The Stars got a new coach, a new goalie, Jordie got traded, Tyler got into his first actual NHL fight (and it was in a completely different situation than in this fic, thank god!) It's been wack.  
> I'm so thankful to all of you who read this and stuck with it despite my garbage updating schedules. To everyone who ever left a comment, you are the real mvp. Thanks so much.  
> In case you didnt notice, every chapter title comes from a song. They're all songs in my playlist for this fic and you can listen to them [here](https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Fuser%2Fmontse.db%2Fplaylist%2F6W8aFoQI6ovw9ouatswcU1%3Fsi%3DRbcGO7qNT0Cuh9F-J3NbLQ&h=ATNmX5RsGMNNL1iW7LaNhHsYvE6Y0YyKDhOHab0uksHG2AAA70ZSpUpBY69Q-hzQ39emKyPICn0NV1UPcMlRkjbHlKMTP4Gofnan9Z1rMUqXDamjttrYCxmBhn22mpleA9knKQTdi6k)  
> You can follow me on tumblr [here](http://baetriots.tumblr.com/) if you want. 
> 
> Once again thanks so much for reading :D


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